What's Your Story?

Recently I have been listening to a recording of a retreat held in Stockbridge, Massachusetts at Kripalu led by Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg.  Both are established in their chosen forms of expression, Krishna Das as one of the most well-known Kirtan (music) artists in the world and Sharon an established Buddhist teacher and author.  It's perfect listening during my commuting time around the desert.

Listening to this has led me to my thought of the week...that revolving story and, most often, limiting belief that we hold to be true about ourselves.  It's the same story, over and over again, often represented by different characters or scenery, but same plot.  

It's taken me some time to unearth my revolving story as these tales tend to be hidden deep within the psyches.  The same repetitive dialogue has taken anchor within the cells and seems to be as much a part of us as our eye color.  We believe that these stories are unchangeable truths, yet that would be an illusion.  As soon as we begin to recognize the repeating theme, we can name it and, in doing so, the personal saga begins to lessen its grip on us.

My story began taking root back in my teenage gymnastics years and was reinforced throughout my adult life every time I didn't get the job or make the cut.  My story is about not being good enough. The person who comes in second, or misses moving onto the next round of competition by 1/10th of a point.  Almost there, but not quite.  The story is then compounded by deep disappointment, embarrassment and shame.  I wanted to please my parents, coaches, teachers and bosses.  I wanted to prove that I WAS good enough to seek their approval and feel worthy.  On the occasions when that didn't happen, the story became more embedded, seemingly more a permanent part of my identity.

And if I ended the story here it would seem like a real downer. But the good news is this...the story continues and I'm beginning to unravel and re-write it.  My yoga and meditation practice has been the channel by which I've gotten to recognize my story in action. When those feelings of inadequacy arise I am now better able to hold myself gently and with compassion.  As I step further along my path of purpose, I bear witness to how much I do know and how much I can do.  As I age, I have lessened my vise grip on seeking approval and trust my intuitive sense of wisdom.

Although not gone, my revolving story doesn't attack my sense of self-worth like it has in the past.  When I hear my brain beginning to read my story to me, another part of me speaks up and says, "hey, it's that re-run again...are you going to sit down and invest time in it or turn the channel?"  My intention is to not only turn the channel, but to hit the mute button in the process.

So what's your story?  Do you recognize what it is?  Be kind, be curious and recognize that you have the power to re-write it.

Have fun with that!

What Are You Willing To Risk?

With the passing of Nelson Mandela, I can't help but think how some people throughout history have been willing to risk their very lives for what they believe.  I know that I am not alone in being touched by the countless stories and memories of Mandela's life.  For me, a difference exists between self-righteousness and injustice.  Strapping a bomb to your chest as an act of martyrdom pales in comparison to simply standing up for what you believe to be injustice against humanity.  My own personal mission is to end violence against women and I find myself often wondering to what extent I would personally go to see this happen.

What strikes me about Nelson Mandela's journey was not only the incredible impact that one human being can make but also his willingness to forgive.  Enduring 27 years of incarceration he created by necessity a life of discipline and self study so that upon his release, he could be a symbol of unity rather than division.  It is said that Nelson Mandela had many different prison guards guarding him who he managed to befriend disarming their ability for brutality.  Even behind bars and spending long hours in solitude, he had the gift of connecting to others.

And how does this relate to yoga?  This story is a reflection of setting intention, trusting your inner voice, committing to a disciplined way of being with the goal of evolving your own self. In doing so, the individual impacts those around them, perhaps bringing them along into questioning their own way of being and respecting humanity.

By stepping on our yoga mat, we embark on a journey of transformation.  What may begin as a physical practice has the potential to impact more than our body, more than our own individual self.  As we begin to expand our own awareness, the sense of what we do, how we act and carry ourselves in the world begins to expose that all is connected and that we are not our own island.  Each being on this planet has actions that affect something else.  When we begin to walk the talk, live a life of service, of self-discovery and consciousness, it can't help but leak out of us.  How we are influences others.  

Imagine if your intention was so determined to right acts of injustice, that every day your life was focused on this intention, what the impact could be.  Great social changers of the past 100 years have done just that...Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are prime examples of living their intention and walking in the face of adversity and conflict.  Their life's work was a reflection of their convictions and it did make a difference, not just to me, but to millions.

To that, I am inspired and bow my head to say thank you and Namasté.

Tension? What Tension?

It just never ceases to amaze me.  I can teach three classes in a day, each of which has similar stretches that often include moving the head in order to stretch the neck.  And although I'm demonstrating this over and over, each time I come to that point in my body, I feel the SAME tension that I felt in the class four hours earlier.  I would think that by stretching my neck frequently, that the next time I do it, it wouldn't give me the same "wow...I'm tight here" message.

Yet, as I journey down this path of mind-body-spirit connection, I know that my physical tightness isn't always physical.  Tension is a reflection of something else.  Pause for a moment and think about that in your own body...tension is a REFLECTION of something else.

As we connect to this idea it begs the question: "what is this tension a reflection of"?  I can offer up some ideas as to where this sneaky tightness might be coming from.  Is it a mirror of a repetitive physical posture or pattern you hold on and off throughout the day?  Are you someone who spends hours seated at a computer and as a result have tension in your neck, upper back and shoulders?

Are you carrying too much workload?  Do you have too much on your plate?  Is the word "no" one that could be used more frequently in your vocabulary?  Are you concerned about finances and paying bills on time?  Are you caring for someone who is injured or ill?  Are you recognizing that you need to take time for self-care?  Are you holding onto residual emotions of grief, loss or anger?  We all know this list could grow ever longer, but the point is recognizing the tension that is being held in your body and discovering whether you can find its source. This is the real practice.  When we find it, we can possibly alter it.

One way to explore your tension is through performing a body scan. Sitting with eyes closed, begin at the crown of the head and start searching for the tight spots in your body.  Take a deep breath in, and when you find a hot spot, pause, exhale and visualize softening this point.  Keep scanning throughout your body, stopping each time you find tension, breath in and let go. Once you get to the soles of your feet, do it all over again as tension has a way of creeping back into the body.

You might find that you get so familiar with scanning the body for tension, that you can locate it much more quickly, even scanning and releasing as you drive, chat on the phone or work at your computer.

When you notice things, things change.  When you pause and inquire as to why your jaw is clenched or your shoulders are hovering just below your earlobes, you begin to understand that you can let go.

We all carry unwanted baggage.  We all have concerns about things that don't belong to us.  As the saying goes, "stay inside your own hula hoop" and surrender the rest.

And now as I've written this, I have unclenched my jaw and dropped my shoulders several times.  Ahhh, that deep breath sure feels good.  Wanna try it?

Where's Your Focus?

It's incredible to me how things seem to just show up at the right time.  What follows is a true story of gratitude that turned up on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  It's a story told to me by my husband Ed, who spends part of every Tuesday as a volunteer visitor with Mended Hearts.  These volunteers go into the local hospital and visit heart patients and their families. To qualify for being a visitor you had to have had a heart related incident.

It is said that some of our biggest challenges turn into our greatest gifts and this is a reflection of that saying.



Just over four and a half years ago, Ed underwent open heart surgery.  He was treated with great care in our local hospital and a few months into his recovery was seeking a support group and discovered Mended Hearts, a national organization that had a chapter at another hospital.  This inspired Ed to bring the organization to where he had been treated as a way of giving back.  It is well known that having support by those who've been through what you're going through is extremely helpful.

This past Tuesday, after a long day of work, we both sat down to dinner and catch up with our day.  I am always curious to hear who Ed saw in the hospital on his visiting days and as he told me this story you could see the emotion rising within him.  On his way into a ward, one of the nurses suggested to Ed and his fellow visitor, that this particular woman would be a good candidate to see.  The nurse pulled up two chairs alongside the women's bed so that Ed and cohort could sit and visit.

She warmly welcomed her new visitors with a smile and an obvious sense of gratitude for the company.  As it turns out she was back in the hospital running a high fever following the insertion of two cardiac stents two months prior.  In addition, she had ovarian cancer, which was thought to be in remission but another tumor had just been discovered.

Yet, the woman couldn't help but share how grateful she was for "all of the wonderful volunteers" or as she called them "angels from God" who visited her in both the cardiac ward and cancer center.  She arrived in the United States two years ago escaping the turmoil of her native Egypt and landed in the desert with her husband because her two sons were living here. 

Ed said she was just effusive with thanks and smiles.  He was struck by the simplicity of her attitude, that even in having difficult health challenges, she was STILL here, STILL alive and ever so thankful to simply still have a life.

This story demonstrates that her focus was on her life, not her health challenges.  It is thought that if we can whittle down our thinking to the most fundamental idea of appreciating what we have in this very moment, that the fluctuations of our circumstances truly fall into the background.

This story reminded me to stay focused on what I can do rather than what I can't.  On what I do have rather than what I don't.   On who I am, rather than what I'm not.  Coming into the present moment, we sense our breath, our life and our heart beat.

Be fully alive and awake in your experience as it's happening NOW.  Why wait to celebrate this journey until you're faced with life's obstacles.  As Ram Dass beautifully says, "Be Here Now". 

And as both Ed and this wise woman demonstrated, we can take our darkest moments and turn them toward the light.  

In This Moment, I Am Grateful

It's the weekend before Thanksgiving which lends itself to an easy (if not obvious) thought of the week...that of gratitude.  In the past I have undertaken a gratitude practice via Facebook.  I was asked  to join a group that set the intention of writing and sharing five things that we are grateful for, every day for a month. I thought this to be a great practice, one that I can share with a larger community, but more importantly, a practice that reminds me of how incredibly abundant my life is.

When we undertake a conscious choice to acknowledge what we are grateful for, it brings us into the present moment and allows us an opportunity to release negativity.  When people dwell on a pattern of thought that isn't a reflection of their highest self, it can be likened to a downward spiral, dragging our energy, attitude and spirit into darkness.  Our body reflects this in slumped posture, illness or agitation and we become a short fuse in the world that may ignite rapidly given the slightest chance.

If we find ourselves trapped within the looping negative dialogue where nearly every thought and sentence begins with something like:

"I'm frustrated with...

I don't have enough...

I'll never get...

I'm mad at...

I'm not worthy and...

This country is in a..."

Then maybe it's time to undertake a serious gratitude overhaul!

One of the many striking things about traveling through India was that people generally seemed happy. Not only were they incredibly polite, but how they greeted us as well, as the day seemed to hold an authentic sense of thankfulness. So many of these people had much less in the material world than we here in the States, yet their industriousness seemed to hold an underlying sense of being thankful for the chance to make a difference in our experience.

When we sit each day and engage in an inner dialogue that conjures up all that we're thankful for, it's as though a switch is flipped. We shift our perspective away from what appears to be lacking to what is present in our lives. A practice of gratitude allows us to remember all that we are, all that we have and all that we can do. It's more than enough when you get right down to it.

So, for this Thanksgiving and the next few weeks, I will stay committed to my daily gratitude practice. Feel free to join me...you'll be thankful you did!

The Energy Current

These past couple of weeks my teaching has been inspired by the visual of our bodies having currents of energy much like that of a flowing river.  It was prompted when I was listening to an acupuncturist describing chi and the meridians. I am able to visualize these channels of flowing water coursing through our liquid bodies and, on occasion, getting dammed up and stagnant.

The longer I teach yoga, the more I see the practice being a method of altering energy and less a practice of over-simplified stretching and strengthening.  The lengthening and strengthening of the body is one way that we begin to move into the current of energy flowing through us and we often recognize where it's not moving.  This turns up in the form of fatigue, muscular tension, a particular soreness or lack of awareness.  As we begin coupling breath to movement, it's as though someone has taken a spotlight and shone it on the parts of us lying in the shadow.

I remember a story told by Matthew Sanford, an adaptive Iyengar yoga teacher who is a paraplegic.  Following a horrific auto accident that left his sister and father dead and him paralyzed, he was told by the medical world that he would never again "feel" anything below his injury.  He flat out says, "They were wrong.  When I sit with my legs stretched out in front of me and think of pressing through my heels, I feel something.  It might not be what you feel, but I definitely feel a sensation related to this energetic flow coursing through my legs."

As I heard him sharing this story, it awakened in me another level of awareness related to us being energetic beings that can feel and sense beyond what is obvious.  We can sense when someone is tense.  We get a gut feeling around certain ideas or thoughts.  We can visualize doing something without moving a muscle, and when we actually do it, we're better at it.  We can move, sense, tap into and alter the energetic flow in our own bodies.

What this tells me is that this process is often guided by seeing our intention in action as a thought that arises within us.  I'm a very visual person and enjoy the images that my mind's eye can see as I explore the inner highways of my own energy. I can encourage the flow of energy to move wherever it seems to be lacking.  I often encourage students to stand on their feet and see cables of energy flowing out of the soles through the soil, past the earth's crust and into the middle of the earth...grounding ourselves to this gigantic planet.  We then draw the earth's energy up through these cables and send it through our own bodies, exiting the crown of the head and penetrating out into the skies and galaxy as far as imaginable.  We are the energetic conduit between heaven and earth.

It is thought that if we have stagnation or what I refer to as "energetic clogs", that can also be out of balance and perhaps leaning toward disease.  By moving our bodies, connecting to our breath and opening these rivers of energy that channel through our entire physical network and beyond, we connect our mind, body and spirit.  We engage the elements that create our entire being and in doing so our awareness grows.  If we're stagnant, we can DO something about it.

Let's begin by stepping onto our mats and finding the soles of your feet connect to the earth and to your soul.  Inhale and go...

Where IS Away?

 

 

A few weeks ago I spent a week at an Off The Mat Leadership Intensive with about 45 other participants.  Not only do I have deep respect for the grassroots determination by which they go about effecting change in the world but love this tribe and the types of incredible people that gravitate to them. 

  

One such person at the retreat was Julia Butterfly Hill, also known as the woman in the tree.  Julia sat in a 1000 year old redwood for two years and eight days as a way of protesting against the vast destruction of ancient forests.  She added such a sense of compassionate activism to the group and spoke to us about her experiences.  She was such an engaging storyteller that I sat completely absorbed in what she has learned through her life experiences. Her deep love and respect for the planet made her words so provocative.

  

One thing that has stuck with me since her talk was regarding conscious consumerism.  Our culture revolves around "stuff" and earning enough money to buy it.  I participate in this process.  I like nice things and I try to de-clutter when it seems I have too much.  But what is shifting in my awareness is HOW these things make their way into my life, where are they made, what are they made out of and once they leave my life...where do they go? 

  

It began way back when I was in elementary school and we learned about recycling aluminum cans.  We crushed them down and took them to a local truck near Ralph's Supermarket where some guy would weigh them and hand over some cash.  Sweet!  My newer intention is to have recycling going out to the curb on a Monday morning and minimizing what's in the trash can.  In order to do this, we compost as much as possible which is dug back into our own vegetable garden each fall.  Another goal is to donate to local thrift stores clothing and other items, or bring items into a consignment store where if they sell what we no longer want, we get 60% in return.  The aim is to not just put things in the trash can but think how they can be redistributed.  Again...Sweet!

  

Yet, I can't get out of my head Julia's words, "when you throw something away...where IS away?"  It just keeps echoing and then it sinks in that away is not away at all.  It's simply out of my sight, and our planet, Mother Earth, is left to deal with what we no longer want or need.  I can't help but feel that I'm not doing enough and that my own consciousness around being a consumer has so many opportunities to expand and lessen my own footprint. 

 

It's so easy to get lured into thinking that we need more and it happens to me constantly.  So my next intention is to pause and deepen my knowledge before getting something and to think about where it comes from and when it leaves my possession how will it impact the environment.  It seems the least I could do for the privilege of living upon this great planet.

 

Thank you Mother Earth...I'm listening and will try harder.

Shifting Of Seasons

 

You can feel it.  It's in the air.  Cool mornings and crisp blue skies.  We just passed Halloween here in the United States and Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Our local population is beginning to swell with more cars on the road and people returning to yoga class.  This time of the year in the desert

is simply beautiful and as we begin to experience shorter days, longer nights and a shift in the external environment, it has got me thinking about how I can choose to shift my internal environment in order to be in a more harmonious relationship with the seasons.

In these modern times of having access to not only electricity 24/7 but to all types of food that is typically out of season, we have lost a primal connection to the rhythmical change of the seasons.  Want fresh strawberries in December?  Can do!  How about tomatoes?  No worries...got them available as well.  It's as though our cells are being conditioned in not being able to discriminate the change of the earth's cycle.  It may be getting dark at 6pm, but we can stay awake all night.  Our circadian rhythm has been tricked by technology.

And then we wonder why we might feel a bit out of sorts.  Could it be that we are simply out of sync with the wisdom of the earth?  I think that's a big YES.  Instead of winding down with the sunset, we continue to plug on through into the late hours of the evening and then wonder why our minds are racing when we try to drop off into sleep.  It might be cold outside, but we stay with eating cold rather than cooked foods.  How many restaurants do you frequent that have what's in season on the menu?  Or do you go to an establishment and expect to have your favorite no matter what time of year we're in?

I love the shift in the season and if I pay attention to my internal cues, I find myself wanting soups and hot tea.  My intention is to become a better listener to what the season is offering.  If the light dims, that's a cue to begin to unplug, snuggle in and relax.  The sister to science of yoga, Ayurveda, is all about adjusting how we eat and move according to the season.  We are a simple microcosmic reflection of the greater Universe and if we can recognize the shifts, we can then be in greater union with the big picture.

As the seasons change, perhaps we can step more fully into that shift on our individual internal levels.  It's an inviting time to turn more inward through the practice of meditation or mindfulness.  Pause when you're outside and notice how the trees and plants are responding to the changes by changing colors, dropping leaves or going dormant.  It's a beautiful reminder for us to perhaps do the same.

And if you're in the Southern Hemisphere...get out the flip flops, tank tops and head into that wonderful spring/summer fruit and veggie crop.  Now is the time to put your bare feet on the soil, open your arms wide and feel the energy of the sun on your face.  It's even getting close to throwing something on the barbie, eh mate?

Lend A Helping Hand

Perhaps it's been my prevailing mood of late, one of melancholy, that has had me thinking about SEVA, also known as selfless service.  Or perhaps it's from spending a week intensive back with the Off The Mat, Into The World tribe that has me thinking about it.

Either way, the girls that we met this past February/March as part of the Bare Witness Tour to India have been on my mind.  I find myself wondering how they're doing and what has changed for them since our involvement.  We raised money as a collective to build a vocational training center;  housing for girls transitioning from being trafficked who've now found jobs and need a safe place to live; bought sewing machines for a women's small business; funded a safe drop in center within the red light district of Kolkata to keep kids safe and so much more.

I find myself wondering that if I went back to visit, if they would remember our faces and how much love we shared.  We wanted them to know that someone cared about them finding a connected and productive path in life, one which didn't threaten their safety or dignity.  A life that perhaps offered them a voice to stand in their own light and find a purpose to their life.  And we wanted them to know that we knew their suffering and loved them regardless, if not more.

So as I wade through my own personal grief, I know that one way to keep things in perspective is to feel gratitude.  I love the practice of saying, "In this moment, I am grateful for__________".  So in this moment I am grateful for stepping off my mat and into the world of service.  The experience of the Global Seva Challenge changed my life forever and made me want to have service as part of my way of being.

I'm not quite sure what the next type of service will look like.  After my return from India, I did one more fundraising class for India and I'm well aware of how much need exists in the world.  If this experience has taught me anything it is to set the intention of wanting to serve and the right project will open up before me.  In the meantime, I'll keep humming the words to a song I quite like called, "Women of Hope" by Morley.  One line continues to echo in my mind...

If you're feeling helpless, help someone.

Sounds like a good place to start.

 

 

Riding The Waves

 

 

This has been a challenging time.  They appear speckled throughout our lives and often we don't know when they're going to arise.  It's like we stand in the ocean that is life wondering what the next wave will be and how strong its undertow.

As many of you know, our beautiful, sweet and beloved dog, Koele, passed away a week ago.  He was two months shy of his 14th birthday, which alone is a blessing in that the average lifespan for Golden Retrievers is around 12 years.  I fell in love with him from the moment I saw his six week old adorable puppy self.  He had to learn his position in our small family pack as we had an older and quite vocal female retriever named Yindi.  Within three days despite Yindi's attempt to ignore both the pup and myself, we all bonded deeply.  This was only broken when she passed away almost two years ago.  Our small clan of human and canine traveled, hiked, swam and kept an eye on each other.  It was our "modern family" and now all that has shifted.

I feel gratitude for my practice in times when the waves seem bigger than me and that they'll knock me down and drag me under.  What my practice has taught me is to not push down my immense feelings of loss.  In the past when some trauma would touch my life I'd try to "keep it together and get on with things" which truly was an illusion as eventually it would make its way to the surface.

It was a blessing to help Koele transition.  Even in a most challenging and sad situation, I was able to rub his ears, place my forehead to his as I chanted an old mantra from the Upanishads, the mantra of transition: 

Om asatoma sadgamaya 

tamasoma jyotir gamaya 

mrtyorma amrtam gamaya

Click here for a translation

This doesn't mean it wasn't terribly difficult to do.  It was literally gut wrenching.  I was sobbing, but I kept going as it felt that it was my final act of unconditional love to a being that offered me unconditional love from the very beginning.  After he had passed, I connected to a primal sense of grief, howling with tears.  In those moments and many to follow, I made a conscious choice to feel all of it...fully, deeply and completely.  It would be a disservice to my own being to not let it all rise to the surface to be howled out, stumbling in my own grief.

It was as though I was standing in the surf being pounded by waves of loss.  At times they seemed to last forever, wave after wave.  But as I surrendered to the process, the waves still came but were further apart and less intense.  They are still coming, mostly in the quiet hours of the early morning or late in the evening when our pattern was around letting the dog out and either starting or ending our day.

Having felt the effects of deep grief years after my father passed, I learned a vital lesson.  Feel it rather than try to hide from it.  Yes, it's hard and sad but it also reminds me of two things:  One, life is short and precious...live it and two, my grief is a reflection of my love.  My grief is only as deep as the love I felt and I can luckily say that this grief is infinite.

Rest in peace my dear sweet boy.  Forever in my cavernous heart.

Does This Feel Good?

It came to me in a flash of inspiration as I was teaching a class to my chair yogis this past week. We were doing shoulder rolls and I could tell by the look on peoples faces that it felt really good. I asked the class, "Does this feel good?". They replied in unison, "Yes!". Then I asked, "Do you want to feel good everyday?" to which they replied, "Yes!". To which I replied, "Then do it every day!"

It sounded so simple. Want to feel good? Then do something everyday that makes you feel good. Now, you might be thinking (as I did) why don't I? What gets in my way from doing something that actually nourishes me on all levels of my being?

I have moments when I consider doing something and have a flash that although it might seem good, is it actually doing me good? For example, when I look at a glazed doughnut I think, "yum...that looks delicious. I'd love to take a bite out of that!". But, something stops me from doing so and I believe it to be experience. In the past, eating a deliciously sweet, yeasty glazed doughnut would give me this feeling of contentment...fleetingly. Then the result of it was a headache from the sugar and a bellyache from the gluten. What seemed like a good idea actually didn't serve me in the long run. So what I thought would satisfy my sweet tooth, aggravated the other systems in my body.

Another example is saying "yes" to something which swings us out of balance by over-committing. We might think we're being supportive of someone or something else, but too often I witness this as going to our own well once too often. We tap into our reserves and over time the proverbial well runs dry. We are no longer able to offer a helping hand to others because we haven't re-stocked our own energy stores to be able to do so. I have seen this so often reflected in people making themselves sick by simply saying "yes" to others and not to themselves.

So how can we get on the path of doing something that makes us feel good everyday? First, let's identify what it is that floats your physical, emotional and spiritual boat. When people move and stretch their bodies - it feels good. When people nourish their bodies with whole foods and oxygenate their cells through breathing- it feels good. When people drop all that they're doing and quiet their minds and close their eyes - it feels good.

When we over-caffeinate, consume too much sugar or processed food, don't get enough sleep, over-commit, move too little or stay connected to our technology all day long - it doesn't feel good.

This is an opportunity to identify what makes you go "ahhhh". It often doesn't take more than a few seconds to roll your shoulders or take a deep breath.

In fact, you could try it right now...let me know how it feels. Feel good? Want to feel good every day....?

Feet To The Fire

I know that change is truly hard.  To actually realize that something exists in your world that you would like to alter is a huge step towards greater awareness.  Often, we float through the years making the same choices until one day we recognize that these familiar choices are no longer serving us.  Something needs to shift.

Sometimes it's a relatively small step, like setting your alarm clock to get up 15 minutes earlier so you don't feel so harried in the morning.  You give yourself that bit of wiggle room to actually enjoy your hot cup of tea, check your inbox, take a few breaths and glide into your day.  At other times it's a much larger commitment.

Over the last few months, I have seen people ready to make a commitment to something new in undertaking my yoga teacher training course.  It takes a certain leap of faith to launch yourself into deeper study, particularly if you haven't studied yoga with me  previously.  You trust that your gut urging you forward is the right thing to do.  And then, as you begin the course you start to feel many moments of discomfort.  You're being asked to step in front of people and "instruct" for perhaps the first time in your life.  You're asked to try new things and think about how you maybe have done a yoga pose before in a completely new way.

Often when we feel uncomfortable the negative self-talk begins to arise.  We question, "What was I thinking? and Why did I want to pay good money and spend my weekends doing this?".  You begin to wiggle in your own skin and maybe even feel a knot beginning to take shape in your stomach.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who had asked me to mentor her, particularly in the area of functional anatomy.  We began this journey a  number of months ago and as the yoga teacher training was taking form, she wanted to participate in some of the modules specific to her needs.  As the time got closer, her doubt grew.  She began second guessing that she could do it..."I don't know if I can afford it.  It's a long, intense weekend and I have to work first thing Monday morning.  I don't know if it's where I want to be heading in this moment."  The doubts and objections grew as the time to commit grew closer.

As I listened to her I heard fear in her voice.  The feeling that the unknown was lurking and so one response was to withdraw and run away.  My response to her objections was this:  "Many months ago this is what you asked for, that's why I'm holding your feet to the fire.  You built the fire and I'm just a reflection of what you said you wanted."

I could almost hear her gasp at the other end of the phone.  "Oh my!  You're right", she said.  This was followed by a pregnant pause before we agreed that sleeping on it was probably a good idea.  A few days later, my friend called enthusiastically saying she was ready to undertake the training.  She realized that this was what she had asked for and doubt had crept up and gotten in the way, nearly sabotaging her willingness to move into something that was new and unfamiliar.

Being uncomfortable is a natural side effect of change.   When we feel uncomfortable, we can recognize it as an opportunity to do something different, to challenge ourselves to simply be okay as we're experiencing the discomfort.  What often happens is that the unfamiliar and uncomfortable feelings begin to lose their power over us and becomes part of the familiar.

That's called evolution.  So as we venture into the unknown, remember that when you feel like squirming, it's likely a reflection of your own growth.  Reach out and into the new expanse and enjoy! 

Sneaky Germs

These past two weeks I've experienced something that I haven't for quite some time.  A cold.  Yep, started off mimicking laryngitis, then headed north into my sinuses.  I've been told by various people who have heard me sniffling and snorting that "it's been going around.  So and so has it as well and they sound just like you!". 

I've felt quite fortunate over the past few years to dodge the germ bullet of things that "are going around".  Others around me seem to suffer, but I just hunker down, take my Immpower (an immune booster made from Japanese mushrooms) and power on.  Not this time.  It doesn't surprise me as I know that we have these greebly germs lurking in our moist membranes just waiting for an opportune time to jump out and take over.

When our immune system is strong, when we're getting enough rest and nourishing ourselves, we can often armor ourselves against the germ invasion.  If we stay diligent in hand washing and keeping a perimeter around those who are suffering, we increase the odds of dodging the knock down.

So over the past month many things aligned in Jayne's world to create the perfect storm where the germs were going to win out over my immune system.  First, our nearly 14-year old dog Koele has had some challenges that result in him waking us up 2-3 times each night.  Second, I had been negotiating a new job and as a result, needed to let go of my personal training client relationships. Some of these have been in excess of nine years, so the decision was a difficult one.  Third, I went to a Jason Mraz concert on a "school night", not getting home until after midnight (which is WAY late for this gal) and having to get up early the next morning.  Again...sleep deprivation.

Fourth, I spent four wondrous days in the high desert experiencing Bhakti Fest.  Again...lots of singing (sore throat) and very little sleeping.  And finally, I not only started my new job on a Monday (when the cold started to truly reveal itself), but worked a full week followed by a full weekend of my new yoga teacher training course.  By the end of it all, I was still blowing my nose until it hurt, clearing my throat and feeling a bit run down.

Well no wonder!  Little sleep, big decisions, long days,  interrupted routine and new beginnings were enough to open the door wide open for the germs to stampede and have a two week long play-date in my throat and sinuses.  I'm nearly over it now and like a dog with my tail between my legs have had to admit part of it was my own doing.

I am once again reminded of one important factor that needs to remain consistent in my life.  Look after yourself.  It's not a matter of age as the same cycle would happen when I was in college.  Push, push, push...get to vacation and get sick, sick, sick.  That was my first chapter in learning to take care of what keeps me on a healthy and even keel.  Rock out of balance and the chances to get sick increase.  It's as though being sick with a cold is my body's way of holding up the big STOP sign.

So this weekend the plans are to look after myself: less work, more rest and socializing with friends. OK body, I hear you and promise to take it easy.  Let's begin with a smile and feeling of gratitude for the reminder.  And I promise to go to bed early!

It's Only For The Moment

 

 

Video Of Yoga Across America

 

Last weekend I was part of Yoga Across America, an organization raising money to bring yoga access to those who might otherwise not have it.  Schools, prisons and military veterans are some of the beneficiaries of this program.

 

Being part of something bigger than me is something I've been strongly drawn to over the past couple of years.  At some point my yoga practice was teaching me to look beyond my own fingertips.  When I first stepped onto the mat, I did so out of pure curiosity.  I wanted to know what the buzz was about and why this particular yoga course being offered at Melbourne University was so popular that it had a wait list.  And honestly, yoga was a bit odd to begin with.  It seemed as though every pose was called "blah, blah, blah, asana".  It also uncovered my extremely tight hips and gave me new insight into my posture.  Who knew?

 

It wasn't until I was into my first 200 hour yoga teacher training that I got completely hooked.  It was at that point that we started looking at the philosophical aspects of yoga.  For me, that's what blew the lid off of yoga's Pandora box.  It began to open my mind to the mysteries I had been contemplating throughout my life but had no structure.  Yoga made sense.  It challenged my personal status quo and my hunger to learn more became nearly insatiable.

 

I kept delving deeper and deeper through practice and study.  And then the next magical chapter unfolded...Seva.  Seva means selfless service and is a piece of the yummy yoga pie.  When I stepped off my mat and into the Global Seva Challenge supported by the non-profit, Off The Mat, Into The World, I once again realized how deep yoga could take me.  With bi-monthly conference calls, suggested readings and embarking on the journey to raise $20,000, I once again was tested in what I thought I could do.  My mission was to raise money and awareness around the issue of sex trafficking in India.  The golden prize was a service trip to India in hitting the $20K mark.

 

My life was focused on the issue and the goal.  And the best part about it was that is wasn't about me.  It was about being part of a collective voice to bring change to those who had no voice.  Upon reaching the goal and traveling to India, I came face to face with what we had all been working toward.  I saw into the deepest brown eyes of girls who'd been rescued from the trade and those eyes had something new-a ray of hope.  Hope.

 

This feeling was once again ignited when I took part in a single event with Yoga Across America.  And to follow up the event, the above video came to my awareness and I saw something familiar in the deep brown eyes of 61-year old Dwight Armstrong, the man featured in the story.  And that was how, once again, the practice of yoga had changed someone else's life.  It opened up the doorway to a place called hope.

 

To quote Dwight, "It may get difficult and your legs go to shake, and your arms...but that's alright.  You hold your warrior, because it's only for the moment".

 

Om Shanti (peace) to that Dwight, om shanti!

The Lessons Before Us

 

 

Last weekend as I attended Bhakti Fest in Joshua Tree, CA I was once again reminded that my own personal practice can be found anywhere I look.  Whatever it is that pushes my buttons is what seems to show up to do just that...push some buttons and test how I'm doing.

  

I didn't recognize them as lessons at first.  During the musical set by Donna DeLory, I made my way right to the front of the dancing area with a friend of mine and began to sway and sing along to the music.  Half way through her set, I noticed a guy just behind me.  I smelled him before I heard him.  He had that smell of camping at a yoga festival, not offensive, but definitely recognizable.  It didn't knock me out of my reverie until he started talking louder than I liked in what seemed to be directly into my ear.  At that point it became annoying.  Although I hadn't yet realized that I was being presented a lesson, I still managed to take a deep breath, turn back to the stage and continue dancing and singing. 

  

If you've never been to Bhakti Fest it goes something like this.  You bring a blanket and/or low chair, place it somewhere in front of the main stage and when you're watching an act you occupy that space.  When you head away, it is suggested that people are welcome to sit in your seats.  When you return, you reclaim your chair.  Easy. 

 

So, I headed away to a class and returned to my spot to see a guy sitting in one of my chairs.  No big deal I'm thinking as I can maybe meet someone new.  I sit down directly next to him and he makes no attempt to connect with me.  No eye contact.  No nod of the head.  Nothing.  Just staring straight ahead.  I lean over and say, "Hi!  Comfortable?" which he ignores.  I am now confronted with lesson number two.

  

Initially, I begin a soft boil, gently thinking to myself, "how rude, how un-yoga like etc.,".  Then I catch myself and start sending him the vibe of love and light, love and light, love and light.  In that moment, he may not have changed, but I did.  I softened.  I began to let go of my need for things to be a particular way.  Well maybe just a little bit.

  

The third lesson also happened in front of the main stage where a group of my girlfriends and I were up and dancing to some artist.  We were in our space, enjoying the rhythmic harmony of hanging out with friends.  Then this older gentleman maneuvers his way right next to me.  He's dancing his heart out and in the process is working up quite the sweat as he enthusiastically swings his elbows about, as though he's making his way through a crowded bus aisle.  Not only am I getting sweat bumped onto my arms, but I'm now concerned that I'm going to get elbowed in the gut.  The annoyance begins to arise once again.  Things aren't going as I want them to be going.  I get pulled out of my connection to the music and vibe and into the chatter of my own agitation.

  

All of these interactions began to raise the light of my awareness that what needed to change was not the behavior of other people, people whom I have no control over, but to alter my reaction to the situation.  That is the one thing that I can control, how I react in certain situations, even when my buttons are getting pushed, my agitation is rising and I want things to stop and play according to my rules.

  

Breathe in.  Release.  Send love and light.  The shift was amazing and the antics of others became more entertaining than annoying.

The lessons are everywhere.  Are you seeing yours?

Bhakti Fest

 

 

As you receive this, I will be in our local high desert of Joshua Tree.  This is the 5th annual Bhakti Fest, a gathering of yogis and yoginis from far and wide, of different yogic styles and attitudes.  As a community, we gather  in the wilds of the natural desert  to chant, dance, practice yoga and listen to a variety of speakers with the common intention of a deeper connection.

  

At first, it seems as though you've stepped a couple of decades back in time...somewhere in the late 60's or early 70's.  Bell bottoms, tie-dye and flowing outfits reflect the nouveau yoga chic attempts to be grounded in our yoga practice.  And there is definitely a feeling of love.  Yes, that groovy word L.O.V.E. seems to grow wider and wider as the 4-day festival unfolds.

  

Where else can you spend a few days with like minds repeating mantra and moving to the rhythm of your own breath?  I have been to a number of these festivals and find it a unique way to feed my yearning yogic soul.  I drop into the center of my being more than I do in my day to day life.  I get joy simply seeing people let go of their inhibitions, moving in their own expressions and dropping the barriers of judgment.

  

All too soon it seems to be over and we return to our everyday lives, yet something on a deeper level has shifted.  I trust that over time it will leak out of me in a more positive way and in so doing, I hope it rubs off on others in the process.

  

Establishing a practice of devotion (the meaning of Bhakti) in our daily ritual is one way to stay connected to this deeper expression of who we are.  Meditation, singing traditional mantra or songs that inspire and reading texts or words of insight are all great tools for this inherent need to ask the question, "Why am I here?  What is my purpose?".   Each morning in my meditation practice I do these things.  Over the years, I have tried to create a pattern that helps me to remember the feelings I experience so fully at Bhakti Fest and when on retreat.

Maybe I'll see you there?  Come dive into the Bhav...your soul will thank you!

Giving Voice

 

 

This past week I have been inspired by those who've been willing to offer their voices toward raising awareness around injustice and supporting others.  August 28 marked the 50th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's, "I Have a Dream" speech as part of the March On Washington held on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.  Looking back, it was a pinnacle moment in the civil rights movement.  He was a leader who offered his strong voice in pursuit of equality and, in doing so, rattled cages, challenged opinions and paid the ultimate price with his life.

 

On that day, I chose to wear the "SEVA Amazon" tank top in support of this years Global Seva Challenge through Off the Mat, Into the World.  OTM continues to offer its voice to underserved and challenged communities throughout the world by raising funds and awareness.  They have had an impact in Uganda, Cambodia, South Africa, Haiti, India and now the Peruvian Amazon.  I was honored and humbled to be part of their India challenge in 2012 and so very proud of the voice they offer via the yoga community and beyond.

 

On Monday of this past week, I asked my own local yoga community to give a silent voice of healing and support to my old dog, Koele (Co-elle-eh) as he was fighting an infection that we thought would end his life.  People in classes nodded in silence and sent him thoughts of support and healing.  He's turned the corner and seems to be back to his old self (thank you everyone!).

 

And this coming September 14, our local Coachella Valley is playing host to Yoga Across America that raises money for underprivileged people who want to practice yoga but have limited or no access.  Donation-based yoga classes are on offer in four locations throughout our valley (see above).  Our voices will be heard not only in our own community but hopefully all across America.

 

What all of this left me with was a feeling of gratitude.  I am thankful for being part of an extended community that is willing to offer their voices to those who can't be heard...from the global impact of Martin Luther King and OTM, to our own local community.  In order to feel the effects of this gratitude more deeply, I enjoy this simple exercise.

 

Sit or lay down and find stillness.  As you settle into this space, begin to connect to the movement of your breath.  Feel the inhale as an expansion, a drawing in and the exhale as a letting go and release.  On the inhale breath, connect the words, "in this moment I am grateful..."  On the exhale, "for________________".  Continue to feel gratitude for all that is in your life: for your community, for your friends, for your situation and for your ability to choose.

 

And mostly, feel gratitude for those who have had the courage to offer their voices to those who have been silenced.

 

In this moment, I am grateful for all of you.

Marinating

 

 

I have spent this past week out of my usual routine and environment.  I have allowed myself time to lighten the schedule, to flow with the rhythm of the day and put my feet up.

 

I know that over the many years that I've been teaching, this re-charge time is not only necessary but invaluable.  When I teach, I want to be fully present and engaged in the experience.  I set the intention of holding the space so that others can be fully in their experience allowing whatever needs to happen, to simply unfold.  Often at the days end, I need time to simply be quiet, not engaging in lengthy or deep conversations.  It's my body's way of asking me to reconnect.

 

When I neglect this aspect of re-centering, my fatigue level seems to rise more quickly and I get cranky.  In that space, I'm not able to be living from the perspective that I try to live from on a regular basis.  My interactions may not be as loving as I would like which once again reminds me to unplug.

 

I know that our busy season and the new yoga teacher training program are just around the corner.  So I will keep this short and sweet to savor each moment.

 

I hope you're taking some time for your own self...even if it's a small amount, you're worth it!

Always A Student

 

I swore after I had finished my graduate studies that that was it.  No more.  No more studying, homework or spending the weekend at the library writing and researching.  At that point I had been a student on and off for 30 some years.  Enough already.

 

Or so I thought.  When I moved from Australia back to the USA and started growing my personal training business, I came across a course in aromatherapy.  The brochure and course looked so appealing, lovely scents, healing properties and blending of essential oils seemed so attractive.  I signed up and for the next year or so delved into the studies.  Sitting the exam was much tougher than I had anticipated but I passed and that was that...the end to my life as a student.

 

When we moved from the Bay Area, leaving the personal training clientele behind, and arrived in the desert my interest in learning how to become a yoga teacher blossomed.  It took about two years to complete the first phase of a 200 hour teacher training.  And I thought, there you go...that was that.

 

The next wave of student inspiration came following wrist surgery and having intensive hand therapy for three months.  I remembered how much I enjoyed the therapeutic aspect of healing and my awareness was brought to a yoga therapy training course, another 300 hours over a summer intensive.  Two weeks on, five weeks off, another two weeks.  And that was that...

 

Or so I thought.  What I have finally surrendered to is that I will always be a student.  Swadhaya is one of the niyamas within the yoga sutras of Patanjali.  Nischala Joy Devi translates it as "Sacred study of the Divine through scripture, nature, and introspection (Swadhaya) guides us to the Supreme Self". (p. 219 in The Secret Power of Yoga).

 

Being a perpetual student is part of living your life from a yogic perspective.  I obviously have always welcomed the opportunity to learn, to embrace the role of student.  From this place I can more fully embrace the role of teacher.  And in the role of teacher I am once again a student as what I learn from that perspective continually challenges me with the question of "What's next?  What else do I need to learn more about?"

 

And as I am spending this weekend studying with my teacher, Judith Hanson Lasater, I will once again grab my notebook and sit with the intention of soaking it all up.  Enough already?  I guess not.

  

Australia On My Mind

 

 

 

Around this time over the past four years I've been getting myself ready to retreat Down Under.  My husband Ed and I would fly to Australia, visit friends and either before or after, head to Sanctuary Retreat in Mission Beach to dive into the ocean and open our hearts within the heart of a rainforest. 

 

But not this year.  As the cards often fall, other things came into action and for me, it was spending an amazing three weeks in India in February/March of this year.  So, I shot my wad with being able to feel as though I could take more time off.  Sadly, Sanctuary has to wait until next year.

 

Sanctuary retreat is well named.  It's been a place of great healing and connection, of revitalizing that deep inner space and of stepping away from technology, cooking and general running around.  It was where we went four months after Ed had open heart surgery and was a turning point in his recovery.  At Sanctuary, you walk through a rainforest and come across bird life, lizards and other reptiles, butterflies and beetles.  If you're lucky, you get a visit from one of the local cassowaries (a large, flightless bird that dates back to the dinosaurs).

  

A gentle breeze rides up the hill off the Coral Sea with hours spent lounging on the deck of the long house.  Fresh food, tea and coffee are available and the accommodations are nestled right into the rainforest.  Many mornings begin with a pre-sunrise walk through the rainforest down to the beach for a sunrise meditation.  And of course, there's yoga galore!  Morning vinyasa, late afternoon restorative and reflective educational sessions in between.

 

I reminisce about Sanctuary so that I can re-awaken and remember the energy that is there.  I go there in my morning meditations through the assistance of an newly found app (Calm.com).  One of the choices is the sound of waves on a beach that looks similar to Brookes Beach at Sanctuary.  I hear the sound of the waves, occasionally opening my eyes to center myself by seeing the image of a sun rising over the ocean and I'm able to be in the energy of Australia.  It's not exactly the same thing, but it's tapping me into the residue that I've held after every visit.

 

Since I'm not physically going to Sanctuary this year, I need to go there mentally and energetically.  You can try it as well by clicking on the above link and perhaps, next year, you'll join me and experience it in person.

 

Maybe it's time to start practicing how you say, "G'day"!