The Lesson Lies Within

Sometimes I get asked the question "Why do I keep attracting people/situations like this into my life?". Usually this question is posed when the asker of the question is confronted with something that is undesirable and/or challenging. Have you ever found yourself repeatedly living out familiar scenarios only to have the characters change? The familiar pattern of difficultly that pushes your buttons and sends you over the edge screaming, "Why does this always happen to me?"


We have repeated patterns of behavior, our inherent default program, that we step into time and time again. In the yoga framework these patterns or "brain ruts" are known as samskaras. It is thought that when we repeat the same choices we deepen these brain ruts. Over the years, these ruts become deeper and more established, until we recognize that we seek something to change. In order for the change to occur, we first need to be conscious of the behavior.


This is where our yogic path provides us with the many tools to begin to awaken to those beliefs and choices and allows us to ask the question, "Is this serving me? Is this supportive of who I am? Is this how I am choosing to be in the world?". Things won't change unless we choose them to do so. And this means that we have to pay attention to the sometimes very subtle cues that lead us into the same brain rut. We do have the power to create new samskaras by making consciously different choices.


More specifically we learn to pay attention to the quieter spaces in between all the noisy thoughts that crowd out intropsection. If we fill our days and nights with too many things to do or we clutter our minds with distractions of gossip, worry or attachment it makes it really difficult to recognize that our patterns, although familiar and falsely permanent, can be changed.


For example, take the driver who frequently displays road rage. They might be driving along and someone cuts them off or won't let them in. Wham...it's as if a switch has been flipped. They begin cursing, giving all others the clenched fist or "the bird" to help them feel vindicated. The "I'll show them" attitude might feel righteous in the moment, but what if every time somebody cuts them off or won't let them in, they react this way? Is that still serving them? Are they choosing to live their lives from a place of anger? And does it trickle into other scenarios so the person who has 16 items in the 15 item express lane triggers the same reaction?


Yoga teaches us to look at the lesson that lies within. It teaches us to ask the question, "Why do I react this way?" and "What is this teaching me?" For the road rager, the answer might be that the reaction is not about other drivers but by some unfulfilled need in another aspect of their lives. That they have issues around anger and that their practice is one of patience and compassion.


When we're faced with greater challenges such as natural disaster, the death of someone close or tough economic times we can ask the same questions rather than stepping into the familiar of "Why me?" and ask, "Why not me? What am I meant to learn from all of this?"


OK grasshoppers...see what lessons are lying within you this week?

The World Turned Upside Down

It seems that over the past few weeks the world is being turned upside down and inside out...turmoil abounds in Egypt, Bahrain, Wisconsin...you can't help but think, is all this uncertainty and change a good thing?


Putting a yoga twist on the subject the idea of turning upside down is a very good thing. Yogic philosophy teaches that one thing is for certain: nothing is permanent. Everything is in transition. We might try to create the illusion of stability and security by having things line up somewhat predictably, but inevitably all things change. What this teaches us is to first, know that "this too, shall pass". Secondly, it reminds us to stay focused in the present moment...not to leap ahead into what is yet to unfold or ruminate on what has already happened. If we can practice being more in the present moment, life suddenly seems to be less overwhelming.


So how do we experience and practice being in the present moment? And how do we do it when things are seemingly facing the "wrong" direction?


We experience it by particular poses that keep us in the present moment. Inversions and balancing poses are especially effective in doing this. Try this and see what happens for you:


Stand on one leg and focus on one single point out in front of you. What happens when you're in this pose and you start thinking about your latest challenge or concern? Do you stay centered or do you topple over? If someone else is with you, can each of you stand on one leg at the same time and hold a conversation without hopping about the room? The simple act of focusing on ONE thing brings us more into the present moment. It narrows our ability to multi-task, keeping us in the NOW.


To turn your own world upside down placing your head below your heart works wonders. A simple inversion is to bend forward with your forearms on a chair, feet a comfortable width apart, knees slightly bent, head resting on your arms and your eyes closed. When we were in elementary school, we would "rest" with our heads on our crossed arms on our desks...withdrawing into ourselves and turning the volume down on the outside world.


If you're a more experienced yogi/yogini other beneficial inversions include: legs up the wall, supported shoulder stand, handstand, headstand, wide legged forward fold or hanging on your inversion table/chair. When we invert our physical body it calms and cools our brain's activity, enhances our immune system through stimulating the movement of our lymph, lowers our blood pressure and feels amazing.


So as our larger world seems to be turning itself upside down and inside out...why don't we do the same thing? Not only will it do us physical good, but part of life is being able to see the world from a different perspective.


Try it out and see if you can hang out upside down!

Are You A Brute or A Lover?

Valentine's Day is upon us and so have been the seemingly endless prompts to shower our sweeties with goodies. Perhaps you take the time to honor your loved one(s) on this day but my thought for the week is what do you do to honor and love YOU?



It seems selfish to turn the focus onto ourselves and I'm not talking about the "it's all about me, tell me what do you think about me" type of attention. What do you do to truly nourish yourself on all levels of who you are...body, mind and spirit?



Can you bring to mind somebody in your life who really pushed you to do more and be more? The person who had the nickname of "the drill sergeant", "Genghis Kahn" or "G.I. Jane"? Perhaps you've seen celebrity personal trainers on their knees with contorted expressions pounding the gym mat and screaming at the reality show contestant to "give it all you've got...more, more, more...".



Or does your drill sergeant live inside of you and masquerade as your own personal self-critic? That voice that is telling you to do more and be more because you're not good enough and you'll never amount to anything.



Either way, the inner or outer brute doesn't necessarily yield better results. A recent study showed that people who were self-loving and compassionate were able to change whatever behavior they were focussing on better than those who called on the unforgiving, "push them till they drop" person to act as motivation.



What? Self-talk that is compassionate and not harsh? That seems nearly impossible! Well...it is impossible if you never practice speaking kindly to yourself. To understand change we need to understand that love is greater than everything and making ourselves feel belittled and lousy will likely lead to burn out along our own evolutionary path.



If you have a goal, coach yourself as a loving parent would speak to a child when learning something new...say "good on ya" or "yay for me" more frequently. Berating ourselves simply feeds the cycle of low self-esteem. Once you begin to hear the "drill sergeant" pipe up, notice who it is and ask them to keep the noise down. Breaking the cycle of beating up on ourselves begins with awareness and grows into understanding not only how human we are, but also how amazing we are.



Now that you're nicer to you...you'll be nicer to others as well. Try it out and let me know how it goes!

The Drive To Do

As this weekend approached I was gleefully anticipating all the free time that lay awaiting. I had no plans. I didn't have to be anywhere at any particular time. I had visions of spending the day in my PJ's, lounging on the chaise as I sipped tea and read my book or lazily dozed off into a wee cat nap. What bliss. No "to-do" list.



And as the weekend loomed even closer, I thought I'd just say yes to one or two invites from friends...simply because I have all of this free time, what's the harm in adding in a social event or two? And now, as I sit and write this (still in my PJ's) I have this strong sense that I need to be doing more. I have the opportunity to sort through my closet, to dig through those books that no longer are of interest, to bake gluten-free bread, head to the farmer's market, get a pedicure, meet another friend for a movie or lunch, begin to organize my taxes, groom the dogs, re-decorate my husband's office and hell, why not...begin to learn how to knit!



What happened to the bliss? To the "not-doing" that seemed so inviting and simple?



My thought for the week is how it takes time to unplug. Have you ever gone on a vacation and it takes three days before you can even begin to relax and then the vacation is almost over? If we are always doing, accomplishing and getting things done then the concept of doing little is completely foreign. It doesn't feel right or justified to not do anything, so we keep our lives filled with things to distract us from stillness. Is it an unconscious fear that if we get too quiet all of the stuff we crammed down into ourselves will begin to percolate to the surface and that's a whole new kettle of fish to deal with that we're not quite ready to face?



My suggestion is to not wait until we have obvious breathing room, but to engage in moments of stillness, quiet, reflection, of simply doing nothing every day. It's as though we need to develop a habit of being ok with less...doing less, thinking less, earning less, buying less, talking less, eating less. Can we get comfortable with simply being who we are in THIS moment?



OK...so, now I'm going to simply breathe and crumple up my list of to-do's and throw the ambitious weekend out the window. I think I'll be happy to keep it simple and stick with the original plan of just a couple of things and let the rest unfold.



Wish me luck!