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Early on in my yoga teacher training we were taught to welcome the class and invite them to "Let go of competition, judgment and expectation". To this very day, I still pull upon those ideas of coming to the mat with the intention of being fully present and connected to ourselves without comparing ourselves to our neighboring practitioners. People have also commented that they were too self-conscious to come to a class for fear of looking foolish or being unable to keep up. My hope is that everyone can find their way into a yoga practice and it saddens me to hear that people might not feel "good enough" to do so.
I try to encourage people to give it a go because when we get into our own practice very few people (other than the instructor) are paying that much attention to what we're doing. If we are well taught, our focus turns inward not giving us much room to be thinking about someone else's practice.
Yet, as I've been watching the Australian Tennis Open these past few days, I have had immense inspiration from the positive competitive spirit. It has been well demonstrated by the likes of Roger Federer, Li Na, Rafael Nadal and Eugenie Bouchard. They are completely focused on the present moment, of hitting the next shot and moving on to what's next. It is said that great tennis players have very short memories, minimizing their focus on past mistakes and bringing it to what needs to happen now. And times exist when they've had their backs up against the wall, where the fragile next point is the difference between staying in the tournament or going out with a loss. You can see them stay with their ritual, take a deep breath and continue with focused precision.
When I watch high level performance, it re-connects me to my inner competitor. I grew up being a competitive athlete-softball, volleyball, soccer, diving, track and field and gymnastics. Being on the competitive stage was a normal part of my life. I left competitive sports for a while until I started playing competitive tennis in my late 30's which re-ignited my inner competitive athlete. I wanted to do well, improve and win. So how did I come to a happy place between the completely non-competitive yoga paradigm and the highly competitive (somewhat self-imposed) world of tennis?
I don't know if I ever completely did reconcile the two. I'd be on the tennis court and the alter-ego (the out of control, frustrated and angry competitor) would surface. I'd even surprise myself in my outbursts of frustration, thinking, "With all the yoga you do, who IS that person who acts as though you've never heard of such a thing?". On a particular day of frustration during a tennis tournament, my alter ego appeared. My doubles partner asked the same question, "With all the yoga you practice, where does this come from?". I answered, "There's this fire breathing dragon that seems to dwell deep within. When she gets frustrated, she bursts out of control to the surface and roars". So, my wise friend replied, "We all have them. How about we name ours?", which we did.
In doing so I now recognize a yogic practice of pulling something out of the shadow and into the light. By naming my angry dragon, I began to give her less power. It didn't mean that she didn't appear, but as soon as she began to blow smoke out of her nostrils I would greet her and ask her to either back down or give me just a little boost. I made friends with my dragon and she no longer ruled my queendom.
So I am grateful for seeing the beauty of professional athletes who harness their energy in order to benefit rather than defeat their performance. And I am grateful that I can step onto a yoga mat and not give an iota of energy to competing with anyone, including myself.
Just the right dose seems to do the trick in satisfying both ends of the spectrum. Game, set, match.
The other morning on my drive to work. I had about a 30-minute commute and was in that early morning daze, in the flow of somewhat busy traffic. My thoughts changed direction when I got behind a car with the license plate MAXD OUT. "Maxed out?" I said out loud.
Was the driver one of those compulsive shoppers who maxes out their credit cards and then has an intervention where caring friends and family step in with a pair of scissors to cut them up? Was the person's name Max or Maxine? Had they reached the total number of kids they felt able to manage? Or was their life so busy that they can't take on anything else?
In my projection, I chose the last one...that life was at its limit and no more could be had. Now that may not be the motivation behind this particular personalized plate, but it got me thinking, "Am I maxed out? Have I ever been maxed out? And would I recognize it when I actually WAS at my maximum limit?".
Often when we push ourselves over long periods of time, our body is the first thing that slams the "maxed out mentality" out of us. It lets us know in not so subtle ways to either slow down or I'll put you down by allowing those germs waiting in the wings to take hold. Another indication of being maxed out are signs of disinterest, resentment and boredom. We go through the motions, we get things done, but the enthusiasm and ability to remain connected to the process is greatly diminished. We almost literally drag ourselves through the day, to plop exhausted into bed at night and begin the cycle all over again in the morning.
As I write this, unfortunately, it all sounds a bit familiar. I have found myself on the edge of exhaustion. I have been slammed down by illness. I have had moments of wishing I were heading to Hawaii rather than into the yoga studio. Yet, I hope these forays to the edge have taught me to use my tools to look after myself. Those two potent words...self care.
So when I feel that I'm stepping in the direction of maxing out my energy stores, I try a few of the following things:
*Keep with my morning ritual, even if it means shortening its length.
*Find ways to have "restorative niches" (a term coined by Susan Cain in the book, Quiet)
*Practice things that are nurturing, like enjoying a cup of herbal tea, getting a pedicure or taking a few minutes outside to do nothing but be.
*And most importantly, get enough sleep. When I don't have enough, when I've over-committed it always catches up with me. This means saying "no" to things on occasion including social gatherings and events.
Perhaps this has inspired you to get a new personalized plate that says, "Peasful" or "AT EASE". Let it send a signal not only to yourself but to those driving behind you!
Balance...that's one of the primary themes of a yoga practice. I'm not talking about being able to hold your tree pose for long periods of time but about keeping our individual energy needs in check.
I'm also not talking about energy in the form of calories...we've all heard that to "maintain our weight, we need to take in as much energy in the form of calories as our body needs". They even have energy measuring devices on cardio equipment so you can see how many calories it takes to stride on your elliptical trainer for 20 minutes.
What I'm referring to is the vital energy that is housed in our bodies, the same energy that flows throughout the greater universe. This energy, Prana, is a current that penetrates through our physical selves, our thinking minds and our spiritual being. We notice if this energy balance is out of whack when we over commit to things outside of us and under commit to keeping ourselves in good health.
We say yes to helping a friend, sitting on a committee, hosting an event or babysitting a child. All noble and loving acts...but in addition to all that we're already doing, we might be stretching ourselves a bit thin. We don't have enough reserve at the end of the day to meet more than our basic needs. Where's the time for you if you're always looking after things outside of you?
Many of us have had the experience where we push ourselves and slide right past the point where we need to say "no more" but keep going regardless. For short periods of time this is often easily managed but what if your m.o. is always turned to that switch? What if taking time for yourself feels like a luxury rather than a necessity?
Now is a great time to reflect on what you do to support your own needs. What are you doing to move and enjoy the power of your body? How many moments in the day do you notice how your breath is moving in and out of your lungs? Do you have at least 10 minutes in a day where you're not interrupted, asleep or connected to an electronic device? Do you think about how the food you eat is becoming part of your body? Is it nourishing you in the way you desire? Are you connecting to people who love and support you? Are you learning something new?
I was inspired to write about this topic because I'm about to embark on a very intense 12-day work stint. It's great on so many levels as part of it includes teaching in my yoga school yet I know that by day 12 my inner voice goes from a quiet whisper to a louder shout of "take time for yourself next weekend!".
So, I'm planning on not planning too much. Perhaps some time with family and friends, good tea and green juices. Sunshine. Bicycling. No alarm clock. Morning meditation. A restorative pose for 20 minutes.
Ahhhh...back in balance.
The cycle is self evident...we take a breath in and we breathe out. It happens millions of times throughout our life and each and every time it's an example of my thought for the week, that of beginning again.
Perhaps this is the time of year we think more about what's next as we flip the calendar from 2013 to 2014. This time of the year many are asking themselves a familiar question: "What is my New Year's Resolution?" Is this the year that whatever has been sitting on my to-do list finally makes it off the list and into manifestation?
We ring in the New Year often with great expectations and find ourselves in a puddle of disappointment that whatever it was that felt so compelling at midnight on January 1, seems to have fizzled just like our glasses of champagne. The oomph is gone and we are back in the dance with the familiar. Do we really need to change that much?
As I have written in the past regarding the New Year, I want to honor what has evolved and acknowledge how it came about. Often, we are ready to let go of things before their time, thinking that the grass might be greener if we do. Take a moment to consider ONE thing that you've added into your life this past year that has made it unquestionably better. That one thing began as an inclination that something needed to change and you stepped onto a path of creating that change. And now...here you are in the present moment with what now seems to be quite a normal part of your life, although it didn't begin that way.
I'm all for living in the present moment and practice it daily. But I also recognize how our past is a magnificent teacher. If we're paying attention to our actions and how they echo first within and then beyond us, we begin to become better attuned to what is truly working. It's a dynamic process that will forever be unfolding, yet I hope that with acknowledging what's working that I get more efficient at finding out what's worth keeping and what is not.
And this leads me back to my thought for the week, beginning again. As we travel along our own path of self-discovery and transformation, many of us use the practices of yoga, meditation, prayer and contemplation. These practices are all part of us peeling back our layers of illusion which are fraught with endless stories of self-doubt, judgment, criticism and expectation. We also learn that when we cling to our stories, we move away from the direction we desire and sit in the lap of suffering. So, we begin again.
When we notice that we have grabbed onto a thought and followed its wild ride, it's in THAT moment that we begin again, that we recognize this as the opportunity to let go. We can come back to the moment, we can come back to THIS breath, to this very inhale and this very next exhale. We may have to do this 700,000 times in our practice because that IS the journey of surrendering.
With that being said, my intention for this moment, which just happens to be the new year of 2014 is to begin again...over and over and over again. When I come back to that place of the beginning, I have nothing but spaciousness and in that spaciousness, there is no suffering.
Begin again.
As we approach the turning of the calendar from 2013 to 2014, I can't help but get a touch of nostalgia of what 2013 meant to me. I would say that it's been a pinnacle year with many profound experiences. I don't always feel this way as we approach the new year and in a year that has had enormous abundance and life altering occurrences I have also heard people say, "I can't wait until it's 2014...2013 was a tough one. Good riddance!"
This time last year I had my energy pointed toward India as I was traveling there with Off the Mat, Into the World (OTM) on one of their Bare Witness Tours. Visas, vaccinations and to-do lists were par for the course as well as organizing who would cover classes for me during my absence. This year I'm in a different phase of planning which is mostly centered around the Eisenhower Wellness Institute (where I began a new role as the Mind-Body Program Manager in September) and creating curriculum for my yoga school, Desert Yoga Therapy Yoga Teacher Training, that began a 10-module course in September.
Two other professional highlights were having a year of study with Judith Hanson Lasater and undertaking an OTM Leadership Training in remote Saratoga Springs, CA. It reflected a deepening connection to my yoga community and a commitment to continually be looking for what is next on my own path. To study, interact and be completely inspired is an amazing and rare gift which I hold dearly. I trust that it not only benefits me on a personal level, but that I can share what continues to unfold within my own local community. My two words for the year have been
collective and collaboration and, as it turns out, that's what is still on the radar!
No doubt, it's not all about me as so much of what has unfolded has been enthusiastically supported by my husband Ed. He is my sounding board and adviser, always willing to offer his insight. To have a life partner who sees your light and allows you to shine is beyond words. I do feel lucky and can say "yes" to so much because he is behind me.
Of course, like any year, not all is rainbows and unicorns as we lost our beloved dog, Koele, in October. It reinforced the gratitude I hold for having my yoga and meditation practice to provide the foundation for rocky times. Although a sad event, it reminded me of how life ebbs and flows, how people support you during tough times and what unconditional love actually looks like. I was in a space to be with him, face to face and chanting during his final breaths...a heavy, grief ridden blessing.
For those who know me, tooting my own horn isn't something I feel comfortable with. I'm not particularly skilled as a self-promoter preferring the route of letting my actions do the talking. However, I was inspired to share my pinnacle year as my thought of the week as it truly seemed incredible. Had you told me in my 30's or even five years ago that I would feel like this in my 50's, I would've been optimistic that that would be the case, but certainly wouldn't expect it.
Yet, life has moments that feel so incredibly magical. I find myself being struck by the depth and beauty of different beings often seen through the lens of suffering. The human spirit, in such difficult times can truly rise up and meet the great mysteries of life. And somehow I feel like I'm doing something to meet this suffering. Can I change it? I don't know. But, I can certainly stand right next to it and hold that precious space of compassion that often seems to be lacking. And I want to show how vulnerable it can all be and that in that delicate space, that we can be okay.
So I take a deep breath and bow to the year that is coming to its calendars end. And I ask the vast Universal energy to continue to keep me plugged into this massive grid of opportunity.
I don't know what 2014 will bring but I'm ready to hold on tight and go for a ride! Who's coming with?
