Sympathetic Joy

At the beginning of a class this past week I welcomed back a committed yoga student who was attending a class for the first time in our new studio. She had taken a short break and when I asked her what she'd been up to she told me that for the holidays, she and her family had planned a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. As soon as she mentioned it, I got so excited and started bubbling with enthusiasm as to what a fantastic trip it is, as I had done it about 15 years previously. Having traveled extensively throughout the world, I still rank this adventure as one of my all-time favorites. We started to have an engaging exchange of which company, how long, what month etc. And then I realized that we were playing right into my theme of the week, sympathetic joy!

As we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition, we focus this week on the third Brahma-vihara, sympathetic joy or Mudita. This is where we share an authentic reaction to the joy and success being experienced by another person. Something good is happening along someone else's path and our response is one of support and genuine happiness for their good fortune.

At first glance, this may seem like it's a natural reaction, that we'd be happy for the success of others. However, if we dig a bit deeper, think of those times when we see someone celebrate and part of us feels anything but joy. We look at their "good fortune" in terms of how they may "have it all" or "have what it takes" for good things to happen. It can trigger us into the feelings of envy or jealousy. Possible thoughts of "I wish that would happen to me but I don't have enough ________, fill in the blank - money, time, resources."

This reaction can bring feelings of inadequacy as though there's simply not enough for everyone and we are the ones missing out. As you can see, this begins to create our own level of suffering. Luckily, the practical elements of the Brahma-viharas provide a way to be with suffering, whether it be our own or someone else's. If we go back to the beginning of theses practices, we move toward the statements of loving-kindness: May we be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and ease. When we see suffering, we now have a way to offer an action to that suffering whether it be through silently repeated phrases or saying them out loud. What we wish for ourselves we wish for all beings everywhere.

The practice of sympathetic joy begins with recognizing that there IS enough for all of us. It's as though we're an empty vessel that can fill up with unconditional love and contentment, and as we do so, it begins to spill out of us. The practice becomes such a part of us, that a natural reaction to someone else's good fortune is for us to feel part of that joy. We recognize and share moments of joy for ourselves and others, in doing so it connects us more deeply.

This week is our annual tennis tournament, where we host some 700 players from around the country for a senior championship over nine days. It had been announced that I had opened a new yoga studio and that players and their families were invited to participate in classes. Many people have been offering congratulations and one in particular, an avid tennis player and sponsor of the tournament came up to me and said, "Congratulations! I heard about your new studio. That's a big deal and it's very exciting!" We continued to chat further about what was on offer and where we were located. He was truly excited for me and prior to that particular conversation, we had more or less just said hello in passing. So imagine how I felt after this encounter? He was sharing sympathetic joy with me. He recognized through having his own business the challenges, risks and rewards of doing so and he opened his heart to me in the process. 

I walked away from our chat feeling more connected to him than ever before...another example of sympathetic joy in action. I was grateful that it was so top of mind that I could recognize the sweetness of the moment.

So my thought of the week is to raise your awareness to when you're unable to share in the joy of others, when the green dragon of envy raises its head and ask yourself, "what's stopping me from being part of the celebration?". And if your reaction is one of feeling as though something in your life is lacking, bring in the practices of compassion and loving-kindness to yourself. This is the Brahma-viharas in full action-uncovering what causes us to suffer (wisdom and mindfulness) and taking action to acknowledge and shift.

I'm excited to share what's next along this path, so stay tuned. In the meantime, notice how it feels in your physical body to experience joy. Recognize that there's enough for everyone and let it spill out of you, no holding back!

Compassion

This week we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition. Last week we explored Metta meditation, that of loving-kindness.  The practice is the repetition of phrases such as:

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you live with ease and find peace

As stated last week the phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. We began the practice with statements focused on " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin by offering these statements to ourselves and over time we begin to offer them to others. This week we begin to move further away from ourselves as we explore the second of the Brahma-viharas, Karuna, translated as compassion. 

Compassion is where loving-kindness meets suffering, whether it's within ourselves or others. The Brahma-viharas are one wing of a bird with the other wing being mindfulness and insight. When we see the suffering in others (wisdom and awareness) and couple that with loving-kindness, we begin to take the idea of compassion and place it into action. Compassion means "to suffer with" and goes beyond mere empathy. When we empathize and then go further to offer phrases of loving-kindness, compassion comes to life. It's more than an intellectual idea and can become a way of traveling through our daily lives. 

All of these practices take time and consistent repetition. Introducing these practices through classes and writings is simply that...an opening of a small door into a much larger way of being in the world. Recently His Holiness the Dalai Lama was asked about his daily (and lengthy 4-6 hours) meditation practice. He said that he no longer has the emotion of anger. It appears momentarily and then dissipates. It's incredible to think that this is possible, given the seemingly endless violence and unrest in the world, particularly for His Holiness as he has so many issues that he could be angry about! Yet, his daily commitment and steadfastness have altered his relationship and attachment to such powerful emotions. He's an extreme example as his practice has lasted for virtually his entire life(times). These practices are so completely embodied that his natural go-to state is that of compassion. It oozes out of him. And the one thing we all have in common with the Dalai Lama is that he's as human as the rest of us.

So what does this mean for us everyday house-holders?

My thought for the week is to recognize that all of us suffer in our lives, yet a way exists to meet it. When we become aware of our own or other people's' challenges, we have a way to "hold the space" for what is arising rather than to turn and run away from it. It doesn't necessarily mean we try to "fix it" but rather to find a way to hold recognition that it exists and soften to what's happening by taking a breath. We connect our deep-hearted human quality to the moment and offer what we wish for ourselves and all beings. We step into the gap and experience what it means to be deeply human.

Today, wish for yourself and someone else that you know who may be suffering, to be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease. Our compassionate hearts are greatly needed.

Loving-Kindness

The big question I asked myself at the beginning of this week was what theme seemed like a natural progression from the previous two weeks of intentions and being present? What evolved was talking about the Brahma-viharas, four qualities that are cultivated in and out of meditation practice. These "heart practices" are said to be one wing of a bird with the other wing being practices of mindfulness and insight. When they are both ignited, we take off and fly!

So what better way to deepen our intentions and focus on this moment then to unveil the practice of loving-kindness, also known as "metta" meditation. Metta means "friend" in Pali, the language of the Buddha, and is a practice that uses the repetition of phrases. The ones that I were taught are:

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be healthy

May I live with ease and find peace

The phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. As you may notice, these statements are " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin with ourselves and over time we eventually begin to offer the statements to others. We begin with I, then move outward, like an embracing circle to: a benefactor, friend, neutral person, challenging person and then, out to the furthest point away from ourselves, to people me may be in complete disagreement or disgust with. In other words, we don't start by trying to offer loving- kindness to the most challenging or difficult people in the world, but begin to truly entrench loving-kindness within our own hearts so it becomes a natural part of who we are.

Having worked in women's health for the past several years, I noticed how so many women (and men, too) begin away from themselves. They spend their energy looking after others - family, homes, spouses, jobs, their community or local events. And often they realize that they themselves are empty, burned-out or resentful. 

The practice of loving-kindness reminds us to begin within our own hearts. For what we wish for ourselves, we wish for all beings everywhere. This process takes time to establish. We cultivate and dig these phrases into our own psyche so that they become the reflection of our deepest intentions, particularly when we are connected to the present moment. We begin to realize that when our own hearts are tended, we are able to reach out with love and compassion to others, rather than with resentment and agitation.

The next three Brahma-viharas are compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Practicing loving- kindness, compassion and sympathetic leads us to states of equanimity, those in which we aren't pummelled by the swinging pendulum of life.

I will be introducing the other feathers in this wing of heart-centered practices over the next three weeks. But for now, begin with the simplest of phrases that you offer to yourself with sincerity. The phrase that resonates most profoundly with me is "May I find peace and live with ease." This encapsulates a fundamental life intention, both personally and in my outward public life. If I wish for peace in the world, if I truly want to have my grandchildren find ease and harmony in their lives and I wish for us to globally live together with respect and honor, I must practice that for myself. How can I expect things to be different outside of me if I am unwilling to open the door of self-love within my own self?

May all beings everywhere be happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease...and that includes me.

This Moment

As we stepped into the New Year, I began to contemplate how I wanted to approach my teaching throughout the week. So much seems to be swirling around with the energy feeling quite scattered and busy. In the desert, we are officially launching into our high season with film festivals, modernism week, tennis tournaments and galas galore. We have so much to choose from to keep us involved and entertained that it led me to my thought of the week-This Moment.

It's easy to get pulled away from the present moment and into what meditation teacher, Sarah Blondin, calls "living in the static". When I heard this description, it deeply resonated with me. I had the image of tuning a radio and not quite being on the station, hanging out in the fuzzy static without ease or clarity. When we connect to this moment, it brings us out of the static and into the present. It's a way of tuning into our own inner frequency.  Asking the following question can also make tuning in a more powerful experience..."What if today were my last day?". I cringed when I first heard that question. I didn't want to even think that today would be my final day...I'm not ready for it to be, so I'll just choose to ignore the question. However, when I allowed some space to entertain it, it resulted in me putting on my wide angle lens. All of those things that gather under the skin, increasing irritation and annoyance, went away. The question helped to bring me out of the static and into what truly matters, which is this moment, as this is the only moment we have.

Besides being asked a challenging question, one of the easiest ways to connect to this moment is through the breath as there is nothing more present than your current breath. If we can get to intimately know the breath, how it feels in our body, how it alters and reflects our emotional state and how it brings us life, we have a powerful tool to become radically attentive to our current experience. In a more profound way, our breath is our life's journey. Whoever it is that's delivering a new born baby isn't content until they hear that baby's first cry, a reflection of their first breath. And as we arrive at the end point of our life, in our transition to death, we let go of our final exhale. It's as though an inhale and exhale are the punctuations of our life story.

The other thought I worked with this week is this moment is the sum of our entire life's experience. All of those instances we have experienced from absolute joy to deep pain and vulnerability, where our heart has been so raw, have been the extraordinary teachers in our life. They teach us in such a way as to inform how we wish to be in this very moment.

So as we take these first few steps into 2017, let us remind ourselves that we are exactly where we are meant to be. Let us remind ourselves to notice when we are living in the static and offer ourselves an alternative of radical presence in the here and now. When you're out there and you notice, it's a magical moment in which to awaken. Take a deep breath and come home.