Intentional Living

So much has been happening in my local Jayne-o-sphere at the moment: workshops, teacher training, studio classes, social events, cleanses, ecstatic dancing and deep relaxation...all in just the past two weeks! It's easy to see how and why we get knocked off center with such full schedules. What this has prompted me to do is to bring a sharper focus into how I want to live every day and in particular how to stay aligned with my highest sense of self. This week, our focus has been on Intentional Living, an awareness of how we are lining up with how we wish to be in our lives. 

When I was growing up, every once in awhile I would get into a fight with my older brother. We're just 17 months apart and sometimes we would find ourselves in a full-on wrestling match. We would be quibbling over something and it would get physical, with neither of us wanting to relent. We just kept holding on until either fatigue or, more usually, a parent would intervene. At no point did it occur to me that I could let go, end the confrontation and move on. Nope...I needed to hold on to prove whatever juvenile point that I was trying to make.

And sometimes our thoughts are just like that. They pop up with an accompanying emotion and we just keep holding on, tumbling ourselves deeper and deeper into the story of that one particular thought. It doesn't occur to us that we actually have a choice in the very next moment to act differently to our initial reaction. This is where our practice begins to embed itself into our everyday lives. We learn to notice the simplest of things-How does the breath feel as it passes in and out of the nostrils? What is the sensation I'm creating when I pull my knee closer into my chest? Can I notice that I'm distracted and bring myself back into the present moment and regain focus?

From these seemingly small and simple moments of mindfulness, we begin to discover that if we really pay attention, we begin to notice a gap, that opening of space where we realize we have an opportunity to actually make a choice onto which vibrational path we wish to tread. In a recent Chakra Alignment workshop with intuitive-medium, Geoffrey Jowett, the concept of each of the seven chakras possessing two archetypes was a new idea for me. I love studying the chakras and have done so for many years, but I never thought about them in this way. Each one has a lower and a higher vibration and as we explore them, we begin to see the direction in which we are heading. In the past I've talked about being my "evolved vs unevolved self" and the high/low vibration resonated with me.

I've been working many years to unmask my deepest intentions of how I wish to be in this lifetime. They include things like compassion, service, kindness, meaningful relationships and uncovering my purpose. This constant exploration has created a particular feeling deep within me and when I make choices that aren't aligning with these intentions I can feel it in my body...and I don't like it. It's as though I've been creating my own tuning fork and when I find dissonance, I get an inner warning that I'm falling off track. It's a beautiful teacher as it absolutely brings me back into how I wish to be living in that moment. It uncovers the choice that I can make in either moving toward my higher vibrating evolved self, or sliding into past behavior of that lower vibrating unevolved self.

Long gone are the days when I physically wrestle my brother, but I continue to emotionally wrestle with other things. Thankfully, I've given myself the space in which to grow and explore my own self through yoga and meditation. I'm still learning and noticing the many times I'm holding on, getting pulled into a way of being what feels like an ill-fitting outfit. Yet, I recognize it now as my life lessons presenting themselves to me and that I can choose to learn from or ignore what sits in front of me.

As Sharon Salzberg so eloquently stated, "Which thoughts and emotions do you wish to nurture?". Likening our thoughts to clouds passing through a vibrant blue sky, which ones do you let pass and which ones do you create a story around? Are you nurturing the thoughts that take you into better alignment with how you wish to be in the world? I know that we are all doing the best that we can for where we are in this moment, and in this very moment, in this very breath, I choose to take my vibrations higher! 

Live intentionally...you have the power to make that choice. 

Acceptance

It's hard to remember the intensity of the emotional states that I went through in the process of opening up my own yoga studio. It took three months to look for the "right" location, then another two months transforming and renovating the space. Of course, I had this insane idea that everything needed to be just right before we opened. And in holding to this, I began to notice my stress levels rise higher than usual. I remember saying out loud, "You are doing the best that you can, for where you are in this moment". This statement is one that I've spoken about previously and thank goodness it's embedded somewhere within me, as it truly needed to be resurrected during this time.

It's also a useful statement when we are in a relationship with someone who isn't quite meeting our needs. Perhaps we feel anger or frustration at a result or connection that isn't what we are quite wanting. If we can say from our hearts, perhaps silently in conjunction with a deep breath, "they are doing the best they can for where they are currently in this moment" it may begin to offer a shift in our relationship to them. It won't likely change them, but our own relationship to them. When I use this statement, I almost immediately begin to feel the sharp corners of the situation begin to soften. It's as though the edge is being taken off, leading me toward acceptance and away from a negative state. It leads me closer toward a more loving frame of mind, a place of connection rather than separation.

All week I've been reading a quote from Brené Brown, a Research Professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, whose books include: The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The line that cuts straight into me is: 

"Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only love others as much as we love ourselves."

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves...ouch.

Think about that for a moment. What Brené is saying is how we go about loving others is based on our own self-talk, self-worth, self-love. To build this love connection to self and others, we must first accept who we are in this very moment, rather than thinking that we need to be showing up in a different way. Swami Kripalvanandji was heard to say, "My beloved child, break your heart no longer. Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart." 

This very statement is one of accepting ourselves from a place of kindness and, once again, we are reminded that our yoga practice is one that begins within. Instead of looking outside of ourselves to find our worth, or to be validated, loved or appreciated by others, we must turn inward rather than outward. 

If I wish to be loved and accepted by others, I must recognize that I need to dig deep into my own soil, nourish it with self-care and show myself compassion. Otherwise, I limit my own capacity to be the recipient of love and my ability to share it with others. Ultimately, what I wish for myself -- love, ease, peace, acceptance is what I wish for all beings everywhere.

My thought for this week is to remind ourselves to be kind and accepting of our perfectly imperfect selves so we may do the same to others...break your heart no longer.

The Three S's of Spiritual Practice

When I first heard the mention of three elements that support a spiritual practice, it really resonated a volume of truth. Seva, sadhana, and Satsang, Sanskrit words that are translated as service, personal spiritual practice and the community in which this happens.

A few years ago, I felt as though part of my yoga practice was missing and I began to look for ways in which to serve others (seva). We had returned from our first trip to India and I felt I was being called to do something for those less fortunate. India will do that to you. The country is so completely in your face - poverty, pollution, and a billion people-that you can't help but feel the full force of humanity. It was after our return that I came across an opportunity to step more fully in this direction. Off The Mat, Into The World's Global Seva Challenge for 2012 was addressing the issues surrounding sex trafficking in India. I was immediately interested but completely intimidated at the prospect of a $20,000 fundraising goal.

Coincidentally, around the same time during one of my meditation sessions I had an insight to gather together a group of women that I found personally inspiring. So we sat together on a sunny February afternoon on the lawn in my backyard, where I offered chai and gluten-free cookies. I said to the women "I don't know why we are here today except that I am compelled to ask you two questions. One is, what is it that is sitting on the back-burner of your consciousness that you would like to bring forward. And two, what are you so passionate about? So much so that once you begin talking about it, your friends roll their eyes as if "there she goes again!"

It was one of those beautiful times in our lives where something unexpected blossomed. The women shared their dreams and ideas, some through tears but all held in a circle of love and trust. When they had all spoken, they turned to me and asked, "Well, Jayne, what about you?" I hadn't quite expected to speak, but when I did I said that I had been thinking about signing up for the Global Seva Challenge to raise $20,000. But I was a yoga teacher, not a fundraiser and I had this terrible fear of failing. Their reaction is crystallized in my memory as they placed their hands on my back and said, "You're not alone in this! You've got us!" I signed up for the challenge that night and not only did I raise $20,000 but $28,000 with another $5000 in 2016.

The above story is an illustration of Satsang...a like-minded community offering each other support as they journey into a deeper connection to themselves and others. The wonderful thing about undertaking the Seva challenge was that I got out of my own way with a focus on helping those who had no voice. I was driven by their plight far more than by any need I held for recognition, yet through the process, my own spiritual practice deepened in such a profound way. Seva led me to explore my sadhana and it was a pivotal time in my own journey. And all of this happened with the support of my own local village, my Satsang.

Sadhana is a completely personal exploration of what connects us to the highest sense of ourselves. It can be done through any method, religious or not, individually or in groups. It is holding the intention of seeking something deeper, something to which, at some point in our lives, most of us are called to do. The people and community by which we do this, our Satsang, can play a vital role in this uncovering by offering different experiences and perspectives. When we gather together sharing common intentions, such as bringing our physical body into better balance or finding steadfastness and ease with our minds, we become exponentially more powerful. We begin our individual practices on our own, yet we deepen it within and through community.

So my thought for the week is to ask ourselves a few questions:

• How am I serving others?
• What does my own spiritual practice look like on a daily basis?
• How am I being supported in this journey and how can I support others in theirs?

Seva, sadhana, and Satsang. Service, practice, and community. Compassion, discipline, and support. Whatever you want to call it, you need it, we all need it. Reach out and touch someone...it might just reflect back and touch your own heart in the process.

Equanimity

Does life ever feel as though you're sitting on a giant swing? Flying through the air to hit a peak, rushing back toward the earth just to rise up into another peak? Does it ever feel like this giant swing represents all the emotional ups and downs we experience? If you have had these moments, then the fourth Brahma-vihara of equanimity might be of interest.

This past month I've been introducing the Buddhist heart-centered practices of loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna) and sympathetic joy (mudita), also known as the Brahma-viharas. The final one we've been talking about all week is equanimity (upekka) which basically means keeping one's cool as things heat up, particularly under stress. It seemed like a good time to be introducing these practical tools as change, transition, and highly charged emotions are prevalent here in the United States. Instead of feeling as though we are helplessly strapped into the seat of the swing, it is through awareness and choice, that we realize that we can get off...particularly if the reason why we're holding on no longer serves us.

Part of the swinging to and fro is staying attached to the smaller dramas that play out in our day-to-day happenings. We cling to the details and begin to lose sight of the bigger picture. We may find our nerves shot, our tempers flaring and our patience dwindling. By staying connected to the continual unfolding minutia of change, we begin to unravel our steadfast and healthy mental balance. So instead of feeling powerless, we have been given some tools to become empowered. The way to finding a cool head in times of uncertainty is when we are practicing loving-kindness (May I/You be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease); practice compassion (offering loving-kindness when we see suffering in ourselves and others); and to share in the joy of all that is good for other people. It is said that equanimity stems from the first three Brahma-viharas, when we practice being kind, compassionate and joyful, equanimity becomes more available to us. People who are calm, cool and collected most likely aren't simply born that way, they practice becoming that way. 

Last Sunday we concluded our nine-day ASICS World Tennis Classic tournament. Over the past 12 years, I have spent countless hours "running" the tournament desk which means that at certain times, up to 60 people might be checking in for their match and waiting to be put out on a court. Needless to say, it can be hectic. And over these past 12 years, I've had a consistent comment which is "How do you stay so calm when all of this is happening?".  I usually just smile and think to myself-practice! 

I undertook a practice of meditation seriously 10 plus years ago and haven't skipped a day since I began. Want to be more calm, focused and centered in your life? Then you need to practice being calm, focused and centered. It doesn't just magically happen that one day you wake up and are given the epiphany of quiet (well, at least it didn't happen that way to me). I wanted to find a way to manage my (over) reactions to things that were stressful and meditation was the key. Not that I don't still react or behave in ways that I refer to as my "un-evolved self" but I am able to recover more quickly than previously.

Equanimity is knowing that we have a choice of how to be in our daily lives. It's having the insight, intention, and awareness in those moments when we're riding that swinging pendulum and are then able to make a choice...keep holding on or ultimately let go. When we do let go, it doesn't mean that the pendulum has stopped swinging; rather that we are able to take a deep breath and step away from it, especially if it no longer serves us and our higher good. We see the swing moving but we choose the middle path of equanimity instead.

To do this we need to become radically present with what is happening and the best way that I have found to do that is to know the breath intimately. Nothing is more present than the current breath you are breathing.  When we are yanked into a place that takes us away from being centered, we can pause, breathe deeply and let go. It sounds easy but for those of us who've tried it, we realize that we need to practice consistently in order to make it more accessible.

So my thought for the week is to honor where you are on your path. And if you're taking the time to read this and contemplate whether or not you're holding onto the pendulum and swinging to and fro, then you have taken an intentional step closer to finding a calmer sensibility in your being. Keep going. Keep making the time to practice so it becomes part of who you are, not simply something that you dream about.

You have the choice and the power to find a peaceful way. Know that you can't control anybody but yourself...so go ahead, start by taking a deep breath and let go.