The Energy Quota

The holiday season has officially arrived. Here in the US, we have just celebrated Thanksgiving which then opens the floodgates to the many celebrations held in December. It's a time where we tend to socialize, eat and drink as well as spend more cash than usual. We arrive at New Years Day wondering what hit us and how did it seem to spin out of control? When the credit card bill arrives mid-January did we go beyond our limits? How about your own personal physical limits?

This leads me to my thought of the week-do you know your energy budget?

I was talking with a friend whose sister has chronic fatigue and has dealt with it for the past decade. She recently adopted a child and was as happy as ever. I asked my friend, "how does she keep up with a young child with her chronic fatigue?". She replied, "she knows how to manage the limited energy that she has".

This is true for all of us whether we're a teen or somebody dealing with an illness. We all have an energy quota. The energy quota is a term I've coined that relates to how much energy expenditure we can handle in a day. But it's a bit tricky as it can shift without us realizing it. We go to work/school, we're busy so we don't really stop for lunch but just grab a bite. We have a project with a deadline so we stay later than the standard time. This results in us grabbing something on the way home that's either take out food or an easy to prepare meal at home. We're already tired so we plop down on the couch or head back to the laptop and as we find ourselves dozing off, we head off to bed.

We've gone into debt with our own energy quota. We missed the signs that our body was asking to stop, slow down or take a break. And, oh yeah, could you put something of high nourishment into the tank in the process?

I've been doing the energy quota dance for as long as I can remember. It simply began with believing that I had an endless supply of energy and that the quota was something that other people had, not people like me who were always told "you have so much energy!". Then it hit me. It didn't just sneak up and if it did, I continued to ignore the sneaking up, but it slammed me with a full on body blow. The type of experience where your body no longer whispers to you to slow down, but begins to scream at you...yelling "I said S L O W D O W N!". As a result instead of boundless energy, I had boundless fatigue. Why was I always so tired? Why didn't coffee in the morning fix it?

It's at moments like these that we get to know our energy quota. We realize that we've overspent and now it's time to pay attention to our budget. For me, this included getting enough sleep by going to bed around the same time every night and not burning the proverbial candle at both ends. It also meant drinking way less alcohol and caffeine. It meant becoming a better vegetarian and committing to practices that serve and support my life rather than constantly testing its boundaries.

My yoga practice has been the perfect antidote for overstepping my energy quota. It has helped me establish ritualized practices where I connect to my higher self and listen to my inner voice. I still tend to throw many balls into the air. I feel life is short and an abundance of opportunities await. And I am still constantly re-defining my quota, particularly as I age. 

So...do you know your energy quota? If not, perhaps now is the time to acknowledge that you have one and learn a bit more about it. I figure in the end...we can all find the perfect balance.

Seeing With The Soul

In about 10 days we will be at a retreat on the Hawaiian island of Maui that is being led by Ram Dass, Krishna Das and Jack Kornfield.  I had dreams of going to Maui to sit with Ram Das but never felt able to manifest it for a variety of self-imposed hurdles. In April of this year, inspired by the rave reviews of this experience from a dear friend, Ed and I decided to finally just put the time aside to go.  


Ram Dass is 82 years old and has touched so many lives, written extensively, spoken around the world and dedicated his life to being a bhakti yogi (a yogi of devotion).  To finally sit in the presence of someone who's been completely committed to their path is a humbling honor.  Add to that the deeply resonating voice of the magical kirtan artist, Krishna Das, and the Buddhist insights and teachings of Jack Kornfield, we feel we are in for quite a spiritual ride.


I know that in order to teach on this path of yoga delving deeply into my own practice is paramount. It refuels my tank, reminds me why I'm making the choices that I do and connects me to that quiet introspective self in the most profound way.  As my teacher, Judith Hanson Lasater has said, "We practice for our students and we teach for ourselves" which rings true as to why I'm stepping out of the teaching mode for a few days.


In preparing for this time away I have been brushing up on some reading by Ram Dass and one of the many things that has stuck like gum on a shoe is the perspective he takes about being with people. He talks about seeing people from his soul rather than from his ego.  It sounds so incredibly simple, yet when trying to practice this I have found myself noticing how frequently my ego thinks it is in charge. It's getting easier to recognize when I'm seeing with my ego (which seems to be most of the time) as I'm quick to jump to assumptions and judgments.  I have more of a right/wrong attitude. I'm beginning to more easily notice my prejudices and opinions.


I'm hoping that in the noticing a shift will begin to take root. Rather than staying in the familiar holding pattern of all of my thoughts and behaviors, the potential to soften becomes more tangible. This is a challenging and worthy practice for all of us seeking more connection, peace and compassion.  When you first come into contact with someone see if you can tap into your heart space and try to see them from the perspective of your deepest inner self. Look at them as a mother looks at a newborn and see if you can feel the slightest change of how you see that person.  Step out of the ego driven thought and lead with the heart.  As Judith Lasater says, "to see others with soft eyes".


Simply thinking about this literally warms my heart.  As we are only a few days away from Thanksgiving, it's the perfect time to practice. At the very least my awareness has changed and now it's all about staying committed to the action of doing.  My hope is that by sitting with a master of seeing from the soul, Ram Dass will infuse it more deeply into my being.


And for that I hold only gratitude.

What's In Your Warehouse?

You can bet with the holiday season about to explode the commercial warehouses are stockpiling for whatever Black Friday is about to unleash.  I can't even begin to fathom how huge the warehouses are for Amazon but I'm guessing it's named "Amazon" for a good reason.  And whenever I walk through Costco, it's staggering to see the number of goods available for purchase. Rows upon rows, with shelves so high, small cherry pickers are needed to reach whatever is lurking way up there. These companies store and display their many wares with the intention of moving it along to the consumer and we here in North America have access to all of it...an over-abundance of stuff that we most likely don't even truly need.  


My thought for the week, however, isn't really about retail, but about storing stuff.  We tuck things away on many different levels.  We fill up our garages with a lifetime of collectibles and memorabilia.  We pack out our closets with shoes and clothes.  We hold onto papers thinking we might need them in future and most deceptively, we stuff emotions down into the warehouse of our being.  I'm guilty of all these things as I come from a long lineage of pack rats. Something happened to the depression generation of the 30's that taught them to not waste anything and that most things would have a use (eventually).


So to even address the issue of what's in my warehouse, is coming face-to-face with something I strive to become better at doing-letting go.  What would really serve me is to actually move from my current house into a much smaller location.  Every time I have moved in the past I have undergone major cleansing.  I become ruthless (relative to me, of course) in throwing out clutter that has collected into the corners of my life.  But we love where we live and have been in this one location for 13 years now with the clutter being a persistent reminder of my letting go practice so I guess I'll have to find another way to surrender without changing my address.


Letting go can begin on a real, physical level by sorting through the paraphernalia.  Sort what's to be thrown out, what's to be donated/recycled and what is worth keeping.  We have all heard the drill.  Yet letting go on an emotional level is a whole new level of releasing what is no longer serving us.  It is thought that all of our experiences are held within the cells and memory of our body. Imagine 50 years of experiences being stored within one body...an Amazonian sized, mind-boggling number of experiences.  What happens to the experiences we choose to not face directly?  If we ignore them, won't they just go away?


Well wouldn't that be nice?


One reason why the practice of yoga is so powerful for people is that it's often the first opportunity that they have in a safe environment to begin unpacking Pandora's box.  Something happens as we begin to breathe, stretch and contract our muscles. As we listen to the supportive and directing tones of the teacher we can be led to a place of greater surrender.  Often we don't know what's happening but stuff begins to surface and we begin to confront our emotional baggage.


I first noticed this phenomenon as a personal fitness trainer.  I'd be standing next to someone on an elliptical trainer and as they're heart beat faster, their breathing rate increased and they began to perspire  they would frequently say to me, "You know, I've never told anyone this before, but...".  It didn't just happen once or twice. It happened A LOT!  I began to sense that when someone felt safe and trusted the person next to them, then began to physically move, something would begin to dislodge and baggage would begin to float to the surface.  It was my first full glimpse into the connection between our body, our emotions and our mental states.


Fast forward a few years to the world of yoga and now we have environments with mood lighting, beautiful scents wafting through the air, a teacher with a melodic voice, cushy mats and other props around us.  We feel held, safe and often vulnerable.  Add into this connecting to a deep breath, narrowing focus and getting rid of distraction we now have the perfect environment for stuff to float to the surface.   And this is perfectly okay.


When things are held in our own bodies for years, they form what I've come to call energetic clots.  The life force (prana) becomes stagnant and is reflected through our physical selves in numerous ways via illness, mental agitation, depression, injury, fatigue or a seemingly empty feeling.  Energy is meant to move through us to remove the things that don't serve us and to enforce practices that do.


This unpacking is a natural evolution of our yoga practice.  It comes off in layers, somewhat like an onion which can also bring us to tears.  But in this reveal we begin to remember our connection to our deepest sense of self and tap into the question of, "why am I here?".  I have grown to appreciate this process, not only for myself, but in bearing witness to it through students who step onto the mat.  In that unfolding, we hold each other in a sacred way and allow the space for it to happen. 

As the holiday madness draws near, I hope that I release rather than stock up my own warehouse by having gratitude for all that life offers.

Are You Joint Savvy?

I'll admit it...I'm an anatomy geek.  I not only love studying anatomy but also teaching it to others.  What I find so incredible is the amazing structure that we...our body. Although each of us is uniquely different, we are all basically assembled in the same way.

Our fundamental structure is that we have about 700 named muscles in the body which makes up about half of our body weight. A typical adult human has 206 bones many of which come together to form joints.  Joints come in a few different varieties and mainly include synovial (e.g. knee, hip, shoulder), cartilaginous (pubis symphysis) and fibrous (sutures in the skull) joints as well as a few others.  When we talk about joints and joint pain we generally refer to synovial joints.   They are the most movable joints in the body and are largely held together via connective tissue forming joint capsules. 


Our skeleton is able to move because of the over 700 muscles that enable it to do so...they need each other for us to ambulate, dance, do yoga or play a sport.  Yet, they act in very different ways and have different expiration dates.  If we stay active, well-nourished and are able to bear our body weight (or move an imposed weight such as a dumbbell), our muscles can stay strong and functional.  But our joints begin to get creakier over time.  We become more brittle and form tears in the connective tissues through wear and tear over a lifetime.  Joints degenerate and can lead to pain, swelling, arthritis and dysfunction.


So how do we optimize the relationship between our muscles, bones and joints?  Isn't all activity a positive step toward maintaining and/or improving health?


We begin by recognizing that we need to be mindful of the impact we put on our joints.  Our muscles respond to overload, as does the density of our bones, but where our bones meet up to form a joint, we need to be kind and careful.  Joints work in a particular range of motion and can be compromised if our biomechanics don't match up with the imposed movements.  A good example is twisting an ankle hiking downhill...our ankle isn't designed to move in that direction under such a downward force.  


We also create movement patterns throughout a lifetime that often reflect a particular posture such as someone who has a career where they've sat for extended periods of time or have had an injury that created a compensated movement pattern that never went back to normal.  It is said that a limping person with a sprained ankle, can embed that movement pattern within three days!  One thing is certain, we are adaptive creatures and sometimes adapt inefficient patterns of moving that stay with us forever unless we begin to explore them.


So if you're now wondering if what you're doing is hurting or helping, ask yourself these questions when exercising:


1.  Does this feel safe in my body?
2.  Will I be okay tomorrow?
3.  Can I move in a pain-free range of motion?
4.  If I do have pain, can I keep moving without dialing up its intensity?



We want to answer "yes" to these questions as well as noticing if what we feel is simply unfamiliar or whether it is painful?  It's okay to have an unfamiliar sensation, but we want to question it if it's eliciting pain.  Pain manifests in the brain and we can learn over time that a past painful movement still feels painful even without any actual injury being present.  Think of someone who has phantom pain in an amputated limb.  So often to feel more comfortable in our body, we need to un-learn what triggered our previous pain.


In yoga, our self-talk is vital to maintaining safety in our practice. Answering "yes" to the above questions, building strength progressively over time and paying attention to the inner voice raises our level of awareness to keep reaping the benefits of our practice over a lifetime.  Many people I have worked with who have recovered from injury try to do too much too soon.  One of my favorite sayings when returning to activity is to "tip toe back, rather than sprint".  Of course this requires additional practices of yoga-patience and discipline (but more of that in another blog post).


So the next time you step onto your mat remember to challenge your muscles and be kind to your joints.  Then we can all live in harmony in the most optimal way!

This Too Shall Pass

When life gets tough, the tough get going.  Grin and bear it.  Hold on tight, we're in for a rough ride!  When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.  Pull up your big girl pants and get on with it.


This too shall pass.  Ah yes, that's the one that is resonating strongly with me this week.  I am constantly reminded that what I need to learn shows up on my path and this past week presented a few opportunities to remember the transient nature of all things. 


So many moments exist in just one day where things are shifting and changing.  If we were to measure physical parameters like heart rate, brain waves, hormonal fluctuations and blood pressure we'd see consistent variability.  One moment I feel like I'm so incredibly hungry, then starving the next that I grab a bite and the next moment I'm full.  We don't like what we hear on the car radio and in an instant we can change it with a push of a button.  Step outside at 6 am and it's cold, two hours later, you're peeling off your layers because it's now too hot. Last week I could easily bind in a pose, this week it seems just out of reach. Our bodies change...constantly.


If we talk about mental fluctuations, simply try to sit for more than a minute without chasing a thought.  Can you be completely without thought?  They flit across our screen of consciousness like gnats over grass.  Thoughts change...constantly.


So if we know that things are always changing, why do we get so hung up when challenging things happen?  One characteristic of being human is attaching ourselves to thoughts, people and objects.  If we hold onto whatever it is, it can feel as though we're safe and feeling safe is fundamental to our survival.  Being attached is inbred on the most primal level.  As babies, we need to attach to our mothers so we can thrive and this in-born quality begins to expand over time.  We attach ourselves to our jobs, our stuff and our relationships.  We attach ourselves to what we believe is our identity but is it really who we are?


From the yogic perspective, this clinging or attachment is called raga and its partner, aversion, is called dvesha.  These emotional responses can blind us from seeing our own path to freedom.  It's a constant push-pull to holding onto what we want and think is right to avoiding what we don't want.  It can also be reflective of holding expectation and having past experiences that creates these perceptions. What we do know is that when life is constantly shifting it can lead us to feeling that the only thing to do is to hold on tight or to run away.


Part of our practice is to recognize when this is happening and to become radically present which enables us to see what is actually happening in that moment rather than what we think should be happening.  We have expectations that love will last forever, that our jobs are secure and that we will have continued good health, so when these expectations turn out to be false do we crumble or do we see the wisdom that lies within it?


To sit with whatever feeling and sensation arises is a difficult practice but a necessary one if we are to become comfortable with the notion of suffering.  When we sit with what is present, we begin to realize that what lies within which is that unique expression of our warm and radiant being.  What lies within is the same universal energy and light that inhabits all living beings.  What lies within remains unchanged.  


So when the waves of our lives begin to get big and scary, remember that lying beneath the surface is the true expression of who we are.  If we're avoiding our suffering we are sitting upon the surface. If we turn to face our suffering and dive deeply within, we are able remember and connect to the inner calm.  Let go, surrender and release that to which we cling and find true freedom.


Whatever is rocking your world will change.  This too, shall pass.