Feel The Fear

Every summer as I was growing up, my family would pile into our Ford station wagon loaded with camping gear and head for some state or national park. As we walked the park trails and stopped at the vista points, I would walk right up to the edge and peer over at what lay beyond or below. My Mom's hand was often felt holding onto the waistband of my shorts for fear that I might check out whether or not I could actually fly. These moments exhilarated me and terrified my Mother.
Over the years that same curiosity has brought me to the edge of where things feel safe and progress into feeling scary.  Undertaking the Global Seva Challenge, India in 2012 with the aim to raise $20,000 brought back that feeling of bordering on the fearful edge of the unknown. This place is slightly different to the primal fear of plunging over a cliff, yet it all boils down to the same basic instinct. 

The fundraising experience was a new one for me: taking the seed of an idea, growing it into an actual plan with the support of my community and actualizing the goal into reality. The most terrifying part of it was feeling of opening myself to not only judgment but failure.  I could flop. I could fall short of the goal.  People could think that I have no idea what I'm doing. What was I thinking?

So why do it?  Why risk failure?

Why not! It's the experience as a whole, regardless of the outcome that is a fantastic teacher. It offered an entirely new set of challenges and, hopefully, opportunities. We have a limited amount of time to change not only our own lives, but impact the lives of others. So why wait until it feels safe and holds no fear.

If we relate it to our asana practice in yoga, it's that moment of experiencing our first handstand, headstand or shoulder stand. When the support of the wall is no longer there and we're holding ourselves upside down all by ourselves! It's not as though one day we just decided to turn ourselves head over heals and found complete success and ease.  All poses are built on a foundation and a set of progressions. We go through the basics to reach into a deeper place of each pose and one day we find ourselves upside down.

Fear is what keeps us in check. It's what steps in front of us and says, "hang on a minute...are you sure you want to go there?" When we can face the scary moments in our lives such as relocating, quitting our job, releasing a CD, raising $20,000 or kicking up into a handstand, it's as though we can acknowledge the inherent fear and ask it to simply step aside.

So what fearful voice is sitting in front of you at the moment? Have you laid the foundation to be able to feel the fear and do it anyway? Go on, step up to the edge and challenge yourself!

Upside Down

 

  

For as long as I can remember, I have turned myself upside down.  The playground was my arena with swings, monkey bars and climbing apparatus.  I had callouses on the backs of my knees from doing full circles on the metal bars holding on just with my knees...round and round I'd go watching the world go by in a blur.  And to this day, I love to invert (the yoga word for putting our heads below our hearts).  Following my shoulder surgery over three years ago, I thought if I had to choose between playing tennis again or doing a handstand...I'd pick the handstand.  It's in my system as there is something inherently natural and fantastic about seeing the world from an upside position.

  

But what got me thinking about the sensation was a recent article on how beneficial yoga has been for injured veterans (click here for full article).  Many returning vets suffering from lost limbs and/or post traumatic stress disorder have found that turning to yoga has offered them tremendous relief.  One double amputee refused to come down after doing his first headstand.  He said it was the first time since his injury that he had no pain in his legs.

  

Just imagine the sensation of finding a way to relieve chronic pain without medication.

  

When we put our head below our hearts, many things happen. We feel a shift in pressure throughout the body, often feeling stronger in the head and sinuses and a different sensation in the abdominal cavity. Our legs can feel weightless and if they go above our heart, we enhance the movement of the lymphatic system. Lymph houses our immune system and has no pump as does the circulatory system (the heart) and relies upon muscular contraction or a shift in posture to move. As we invert, our immune system gets a boost and fluid is able to move from the lower extremities back towards the core.

 

One of the best poses following travel, particularly air travel, is doing legs up the wall (Viparta Karani).  I once had a photo of me lying on my back with my feet on a chair in the Melbourne International baggage claim following a long haul flight. My back and body were saying a huge thank you for the shift in position. This same position is often recommended as part of an evening practice to prepare for an enhanced night's sleep.

 

 

Many variations of inversions exist including: standing forward folds (legs close or wide), downward facing dog, legs up the wall (or on a bench/ottoman) and onto the more advanced yogic inversions of headstand, shoulder stand, handstand, forearm balance, full wheel and their many variations.

 

The saying of "lie down and put your feet up" takes on a whole new meaning when we think of the many benefits. It's not seen as a way of slacking off, but rather as a way of truly looking after one's health. And besides, how often do you truly SEE the world from a different perspective...not from an intellectual one, but from an actual physical vantage point?

 

Go on...ask the inner child to go out and play on the monkey bars.  You might just see things from a new perspective.

Wanderlust

 

 

I recently spoke with one of my dearest friends in Australia who had just seen her eldest child off at the airport.  Her daughter was headed to Europe with another 18-year old friend to travel, explore and get that sweet taste of the unfamiliar.  She shared with me how emotional her departure was with many tears and clutching hugs.  The daughter intends to be away for about six months, which to a Mum likely seems an eternity.

  

What struck me about the story was how emotional change can be.  The home status quo has been rocked with the natural concern about safe travel and one less person around.  I reflected to when I first left my family two days before my 17th birthday.  I was headed to Australia as an exchange student for 11 months and hugged my family good-bye and hopped onto a plane bound for Sydney with 100+ other American exchange students.

  

The emotion of being separated from what I knew to be secure, my family in this case, didn't hit me until two days later...on my 17th birthday.  My Mom had packed a card and present with the firm instructions to "not open it until my actual birthday".  Being an obedient daughter, I opened the card on my birthday and completely fell apart.  I was meeting my exchange family shortly after opening the card and was a complete emotional wreck when I met them.  Perhaps they were having second thoughts about taking a young, American basket case into their home for the next few months.

  

Regardless, I moved onto the next phase of the adventure without looking back to those moments that felt like such intense loss and fear.  I'm certain my friend and her daughter will have a similar experience once the adventure starts to write itself into a story.

  

I know how exciting it can be traveling to new places as I was struck by the wanderlust bug at a very early age.  The more I've traveled the greater my curiosity is about third world countries and getting off the beaten track.  Travel as a teacher holds many lessons...tolerance, patience and adaptability.  It opens our eyes to new things and exposes our taste buds to foreign sensations (some delightful and others not).  The further we step away from our own cultural familiarity, the more we're nudged out of our zone of comfort.  We witness things that can raise our eye brows and challenge us to not hold our noses in disgust.  It creates moments of such great awe, that our hearts can do nothing but expand.  It brings to life history and adds texture to our everyday existence.

  

In some ways, travel to me is likened to the experiences we can have on our yoga mats.  Being in our practice we are faced with many uncomfortable moments, such as chanting or turning upside down for the first time.  We are asked to find patience and allow our inner guide to lead us into the asked pose rather than imposing the pose upon ourselves.  When we get uncomfortable and step fully into our practice we can't help but grow.

  

With the courage to try something new, whether it be on or off your mat, our hearts break wide open and drink in the nectar of all the Universe has to offer.

  

It's quite a trip!

Like Glass

Many years ago when I was living in Australia I spent some hot summer days learning how to waterski.  I would head up to the Murray river and camp with a group of friends along its banks.  The only mechanized item was the speed boat that would tote us behind it and all other amenities were that of the Aussie bush.  We knew it was going to be a stellar day when the water was "like glass".  What this meant was that the wind wasn't creating any waves on the surface and the water had huge patches of smoothness providing the perfect surface for sliding from side to side.

  

My thought of the week brought me to this waterskiing memory because that's the image I have for my life at the moment.  It seems as though there was a tidal wave of things to do:  working a busy season; turning in my assignment for my advanced yoga studies; submitting my application to become a yoga school to offer a yoga teacher training program; and simply keeping up with the deluge of information that crosses my desk. 

  

The busyness that accompanied it was seemingly constant for months.  The fast paced, hectic world of Jayne seemed to become the norm for so long.  So, when someone asked me the other day, "what's been happening...?"  I honestly drew a blank.  I didn't have any big project on the boil and it struck me that I am in a part of my life that is "like glass".

  

I didn't recognize it because it was unfamiliar.  And it actually feels a bit funny to be looking at a surface without waves.  Where's the rush?  Where's the deadline?  It appears to have fallen below the surface.  That at this point along my 2013 calendar I am being give a breather.  As history would teach me, these times are precious and often rare...so seize it!

  

Now the big question I've asked my self is, "what are you going to do with this uneventful passage?  My first response was to put something in place, asking the "what's next?" question.  But now, I'm giving that a second thought.  I don't need to DO anything.  This is a fantastic opportunity to simply be.

  

Imagine that.  Waking up in the morning without staring down at a massive to-do list.  I think I'll step onto the glassy waters and glide smoothly to where the moment takes me.

It's All In The Face

Many years ago when I was a beginner yoga student taking classes from my first teacher (an Aussie named Murray), I had what has turned out to be quite a memorable (and teachable) experience.  We were doing a standing pose and if you've ever practiced Iyengar yoga, it can mean that you stay in the pose until the quivering thighs set in.  So, I was in the quivering thigh pose, trying to simply be in it and stay steady.  Murray walks past me and says quietly, "Jayne, stay right where you are."  In the next moment, Murray has called the entire class over to look at my pose.  I try to stay just as I am, but the inner child wants to roll my eyes and hide in the back of the room.

  

As the group gathers around, Murray says, "Take a look at her face.  Do you see how calm her face is even though she's working quite hard in the pose?  This is what we're striving for".  Of course, I had no idea that looking at my face was what Murray was going after.  I just struck the pose and I guess got lucky in finding that sweet spot that was reflected in my face.  It wasn't a conscious choice, it just happened to unfold that way. 

  

Yet it was a powerful lesson as I mentioned and has raised my awareness of where we send our energy when we're in our yoga practice, or in the gym, or playing a sport, driving our car or working away at our computer.  Just watch someone who is really "trying" hard at something.  Watch their face.  You can almost tell if the person is new to what they're doing or if they've gained a certain level of competency. 

  

In watching a high level athlete, a dancer or a seasoned yogi, what you tend to see in facial expressions is the reflection of emotion rather than effort.  A certain calm underlies practiced performance and although the effort may be intense, the energy that it takes to create that effort is efficiently being used by what's needed...not by what's unnecessary-such as grimacing or strongly contracting the muscles of the face.

  

We tend to hold so much tension throughout our bodies that we don't even recognize that we're tight and holding on.  If these patterns are repeated over and over, the held tension begins to feel "normal" and we begin to forget how much ease is available to us in each and every moment.

  

One of the biggest pieces to our yoga practice is growing our own awareness and one place that this can happen is the pattern of habitual tension that we hold in our bodies.  My pattern is often reflected in my jaw...clenched teeth, rigid tongue and throat.  The more often I can sense that this is being held is an opportunity to release and begin to find more ease.

  

So the next time you're being challenged, notice how you're face feels.  And maybe "Murray" will pop up and want to show everyone!