Giving Unconditionally

Have you ever given someone a gift, done them a favor or sent them a card and then heard nothing in return? Nadda...zippo...zilch. Not a word. How does this make you feel?



Typically in our culture when we give something to someone else, we are taught that it's polite to say something such as "thank you" in return. A non-response can leave us wondering if the person received what we sent and if so, why they hadn't acknowledged it.



Yoga teaches us about giving in a slightly different way. It's called SEVA or selfless service. When we attach an expectation to giving it can lead us toward disappointment particularly when we aren't acknowledged in return. The practice of seva goes deeper than giving and receiving. It's a simple practice of just giving. The giver offers a service and the act of giving is enough with no expectation of a reply.



It's a practice that teaches us to open our hearts, let go of expectation and feel what it's like to simple do something or give something to someone else. I'm not saying that this practice tolerates ingratitude, but it shifts our motivation for giving to just that...to give. If we can offer some aspect of ourselves to someone in need, or out of love and not bristle if that's the end of it, then we are stepping into the practice of unconditional giving.



This idea relates to last week's topic of holding space for someone else by being an attentive listener. Can we offer to listen without the lure of fixing the other persons problem or offering unsolicited advice? Can we make a donation at a charity event and not expect to get a goody bag in return? Can we let go of our attachments to words, items, time or even sharing our lunch by giving these freely away?



When we are in the practice of service, it has the potential to fill a deep need- to feel appreciated and helpful to others. It's to offer support in a way that doesn't have a monetary value connected to it. It's as though the act of seva teaches us to be rewarded by the act itself and not the resultant outcome.



Find some way this week to put yourself into selfless service. It may not put food on your table, but it will be a feast for the soul.

Me, me, me, me, me....

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis know that one of the messages that is a common theme is taking time to look after yourself. I'm big on that. I am often in classes encouraging people to make time for themselves, particularly amidst an often

hectic schedule. Getting yourself to a regular class is part of the strategy as is taking moments throughout each day to connect to your breath and dive deeper into your heart.



My thought for this week is looking outside of ourselves and being there for others. Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody, telling them about something that's been going on in your world and they reply by turning your story into their own, somehow shifting the conversation to being about them?



One of my favorite lines in the movie "Beaches" with Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey is when Bette's character says to Barbara's character, "OK...enough about me. Tell me, what do you think about me?". That's what I'm talking about.



One of the limbs of the eight-faceted path of yoga are the precepts of the Yamas. They include: Ahimsa (Compassion/Nonviolence), Satya (Truthfulness), Asteya (Nonstealing), Brahmacharya (Nonexcess) and Aparigraha (Nonpossessiveness). The topic this week relates to the third yama of Asteya, or nonstealing.



So how does flipping a conversation back to oneself relate to asteya? As Deborah Adele writes in her book The Yamas & Niyamas-Exploring Yoga's Ethical Practice, "asteya calls us to live with integrity and reciprocity." When we undertake "one-upmanship" on somebody we are stealing from them in not letting them be heard or express how they are feeling. We bring ourselves into a place of needing to speak our voice and not offering to be silent and simply listen.



And just as last week's topic was around leaving space for yourself, this week is the other side of that. Being able to hold space for others. Communicating from our hearts and being received by someone who listens is often a rare gift.



Is this a gift you can practice this week? Can you offer a safe place for people to be heard? Can you notice when you want to jump into the conversation and make it about yourself and resist?



This is part of the yogic practice of Asteya. It's part of the process of taking our yoga off the mat and into our day.



Try it...it feels amazing to be a great listener!

Leaving Space Space For Ourselves

Traveling is a great teacher. When we step out of our ordinary and habitual schedules we reconnect to meeting our basic needs-food, shelter and getting from place to place. Where will we be staying? How do we get from the airport to the hotel? Is the food safe? Is the water clean? Can I walk or do I need some other form of transport?



Being in India was a practice in meeting basic needs and once we felt safe and settled, a space of open possibility was present. Once our most basic needs were met...what will we do with our time? For me, it meant meditation, reflection, reading, learning, exploring and experiencing all that my senses could handle.



So now that I've returned to my every day existence, I have asked myself the question "How can I continue to leave space for myself, particularly when I am facing a ramping up in my schedule?".



Are you someone who molds themselves around other peoples lives be it your family, kids, job, friends or significant others? Do you give of yourself to the extent that there's no time remaining for you?



One of my intentions is to remain in an awareness where I leave space for myself. It's an intention of not over-scheduling or over-commiting, but practicing being OK with no firm commitment. But more so, it's about having at least one thing that I do for myself everyday that's beyond my basic needs.



I have heard some yoga students say recently, "I need to get back to my yoga, or I know how important making time for my yoga is..." To me, that's leaving space for ourselves where we stay committed to doing something that nourishes and supports us on a deeper level of our being.



Perhaps this week is a good time to ask yourself the same question, "How can I leave space for myself?". And decide what that looks like within the framework of your daily life. If you need to, pencil it into your daily diary. Make an appointment with yourself. It will be the best gift you can give yourself because when we feed our own fire, we bring light to others.

Self Reliance

One day during our recent trip to India, we were taking a tuk-tuk (auto rickshaw) out to Sarnath, the place where the Buddha was thought to have given his first sermon five days after his enlightenment. As we were bouncing along the road, our driver dodging and weaving to avoid cows, pot holes and other vehicles, I noticed this young child walking by himself along the road. He would have been no older than two years, partially clothed and seemingly quite at ease ambling along by himself, no apparent sibling or adult within sight.



I thought to myself, "Wow! You'd never see that in the States...a kid under two just walking down the road with no obvious care in the world". It would freak people out, just as the sight of this solo child made me stop and think about how different life was in India.



I realized that from as young an age as possible, many of the kids we saw were being taught self-reliance. Intentional or not it was a striking difference to what I knew.



It has led me to my thought for this week that of relying on others. If we need support, assistance or help, can we ask for it? Do we seek out people to do things for us or "fix" us to avoid our own responsibility of looking after it ourselves? How does the practice of yoga fit into the idea of self-reliance?



One of the many beautiful things about yoga is that you can do it anywhere. You don't need a sticky mat, groovy designer yoga clothes or soft lights. Yogis from way, way back practiced on dirt in not much more than a loin cloth. They did have a teacher (guru) to help open the doorway to the practice, but as soon as the door is even cracked open, the student can begin practicing on their own.



I know that when I started a more regular asana (physical) practice, my need for chiropractic adjustments all but disappeared. I no longer needed to wait until an issue arose to have someone adjust me into a better place. I was doing that myself through the practice. I'm not minimizing the need of a chiropractor, or any other health practitioner, but how much responsibility can we take for our own health? Unfortunately, our culture is awash in having an issue and solving it with a prescription for medication.



How can we own our own health without putting it into the hands of others?



We can do so by better understanding our relationship to ourselves...all aspects of ourselves-body, mind and spirit. Yoga is one way to deepen this knowing by putting through conscious connection to awareness of breath, to moving our body, and to changing our inner dialogue to one which embraces who we fully are.



Yoga teaches us to become reliant on our inner voice. To trust our instincts and intuition. We glean what is needed to open our hearts from its teachers and teachings so that we may ultimately be in a fully loving and compassionate relationship with our own self.



And just as this two year old Indian boy mosey down the road, we too can find a sense of freedom by taking wellness into our own hands and using the support of others to enhance the process.

Grateful For Choice

Having just returned from my first trip to India, I was given so many different insights, gifts and experiences. What to share? Where
do I begin? How do you concisely summarize such a wild journey?



Overall, it was an amazing adventure with all of my senses being fully switched on and often into overdrive. Sights, smells, tastes and hyper-vigilance caused my being to become electrified with excitement. India is such an incredibly diverse place with rich history, vibrant colors set against a deeply embedded spiritual backdrop.



It has a busy-ness to it that is uniquely Indian and what appears to be untamely chaos, seems to flow smoothly in its own rhythm. As we traveled along the often pot-holed roads, catching glimpses of camels, cows, donkeys and the odd elephant, it gave me good time for reflection.



I often had the feeling of how fortunate my life is...not just through abundance, but primarily through having choice. It's my ability to choose how I live my life that really struck me. I saw creatively industrious people, working all angles to find a way to earn money often with the aim of simply feeding their family. My impressions of a male dominant society had me reflecting on how I am able to choose to create my own business as a woman. People would ask my husband what he did for a living, but wouldn't ask me what I did, perhaps assuming that I didn't have a career other than looking after my husband (which is quite a traditional and valued role in Indian culture with people we came across).



I realized that if I do work hard I can make a difference in my socioeconomic reality, that I'm not necessarily born into a role that I have to stay with throughout my life. That my choice for education is abundant and varied. I can become anything I set my sights on...I didn't necessarily get that impression with the people that I met along the way.



I left India feeling as though it gave me the gift of remembering and recognizing my many blessings. That I have been given opportunity in my life that is unheard of in other lives.



Thank you India...I look forward to returning to learn my next series of lessons.