The Long Haul

It's everywhere: fast food, Instagram, overnight delivery, ready made and frozen meals, texting...ways in which we can get instant gratification with little effort and little need for patience. Gone are the days of the Pony Express, Aerograms and other forms of snail mail, growing and hunting for our food, taking a train cross country or even waiting for our dial up internet connections. Things move fast these days, faster than they did even five years ago. People sometimes yearn for the "good old days" of slow cooked meals, leisurely conversations and canning their home grown produce. It's so missed there's even a "slow movement" underfoot as it relates to exercise, eating, traveling and socializing.

With a mentality that the more we get done, the more productive and successful we'll be, we over-stuff our day which can have the opposite effect of leaving us feeling unproductive and somewhat frazzled. When we don't get to the 10 things on our to-do list, we might feel that we just aren't quite good enough...oy! I do have a little secret to share with you...slowing down might actually make you more productive.

Two things that haven't changed over the past many years are the broad practices of yoga and meditation, paths leading to more balance in your life, more awareness of your impact and your connection to the whole. And these practices are a slow process. The choice to undertake them is often prompted by the knowledge that they'll be good for us, but we have never been encouraged to look at the long term commitment it takes to truly see its magic. We become impatient, looking for a faster solution because that's what we are accustomed to, so many people stop their practices without giving them time. It's as though we have a societal schism, with one side telling us to be economical and do it efficiently and another side begging us to slow down. Can the two actually coexist? Being both busy and slow?

I have often heard the excuse that "I'm too busy to sit still. My mind just won't settle down. I've tried meditating, but it just doesn't work for me".  And here's another part of the secret, in sitting down to meditate we need to let go of having any form of expectation of what we'll get out of it, especially if we're new to the practice. I feel as though I'm still in the early stages of my nine years of committed daily meditation. I have come to understand that this was something that I chose to do for the long haul and it took some prodding from my teachers for me to finally launch into a daily practice.

With that being said, I know that the practice has many moods. Some days it's serene and peaceful. Some days, I'm agitated and bored. Other days my mind seems as though it's racing and some days I find myself being in that perfect place. The point is, it varies and my practice is to become at ease with all of it. What I've noticed from the years of concentrated meditation is that I can more easily slow down and step aside from chaos. I have more ability to pause and notice my reaction before doing or saying something I'll later regret. Over the years, the practice has become a complete part of my day and without the practice, I don't feel as centered throughout the day.

If you're one of those people who loves the idea of meditating or stepping into a yoga practice but hesitate, give yourself another chance. Give yourself ample time to begin to find your way with it. We know that a ton of research has shown the myriad of benefits of different mindfulness, contemplative and meditation practices, but the real benefit is your own personal journey. When we sit, we begin to really get to know ourselves. Like any worthy relationship it will hold up over time.

Begin with 10 minutes of dedicated time each day and give it a year. If you don't feel any different then maybe it's not for you. I'm curious as to what your journey will reveal...are you willing to give it a try? Are you in it for the long haul?

Grateful

Grateful...easily my word and thought for the week. It all began late Sunday after I had finished running a 3-day Restorative Intensive workshop. At the end of the workshop, we all sat in a circle as I asked the participants what they were taking away from the weekend and what, if any, they may have had. As people shared so openly and from the heart, my own heart space seemed to expand. I couldn't help but absorb the feelings of thankfulness that were pouring forth. And it wasn't from them thanking me, they were thanking each other for being supportive, understanding and caring. They were thanking the community that came together and how they loved being a part of it. You could see on their faces, that after three days of shifting out of the busyness of the everyday and into a relaxed and restoring state, that life seemed a bit more compassionate, bright and easy.

And it kept unfolding...as I awoke Monday morning, I began the 21-day mantra meditation offered by Oprah and Deepak Chopra. The theme: finding grace through gratitude. There it was again-Gratitude! It seemed too easy to choose that as the theme for the week, so as I drove to begin my teaching for the day, I waited to see if another stroke of inspiration would hit. Nothing. So, I put up the word "Grateful" and as a student walked into the studio and saw the word of the week, she exclaimed, "Grateful! That's SO perfect!". And so it went throughout the week, noticing moment after moment of things for which I could be grateful.

As I explored the idea further, another emotion arose...that of fear. I began to realize that a profound connection exists between fear and gratitude. In recent events we have heard the rhetoric of fear...the Iran nuclear deal; the Greek financial crisis; gas prices on the rise. Fear is heard in the voices of those debating the issues and not only is fear present, but anger can be heard as well. When fear arises, the heart shuts down. It's near impossible to hold love and fear in the same moment and if we begin to attach ourselves to the fear, if we begin to become identified with the story, our ability to feel love diminishes. 

This is when the practice of gratitude arrives. When we find ourselves stuck in the mud of negativity and realize the abundance that exists in our lives, we begin to shift the focus away from the fear. Instead of being fixated, we begin to understand that we have an opportunity to make a different choice of where we place our energy. Research has shown that a daily practice of gratitude can shift our emotional state in a positive way. I did this publicly a couple of years back on Facebook where at the end of every day, I would post five things I was grateful for. Some days it was challenging, but over 21 days, I could still find something to acknowledge. The interesting thing that happened through this social experiment, was that other people began posting things that they were grateful for...a rippling out of gratitude was an unexpected result. It felt good to be part of that wave.

One more thought around gratitude is that our true self is always grateful. That's a quote from the Oprah/Chopra meditation. As I sat with that, I realized they were referring to us connecting to the seat of our soul, that eternal, never changing part of our selves that sits in the truth of who we really are...not the roles we take on, not the persona we project, but at the core of us all is the essence of love. If we have the consciousness and tools to dive below the outer, often turbulent noise that pulls us away from our inner selves, we can move deeply into the well of inner silence and knowing. This is where we "trust our gut" and "feel it in our bones". We just know from a place of inner wisdom what is true.

Once again, connecting to gratitude helps us to dive deep and touch our essence. So in this moment, I am grateful to all of you who commit time in reading this and perhaps reflect on what it means to you.  What are you grateful for today?

What's Your Default Setting?

This week my thought has been inspired by the celebration of His Holiness the Dalai Lama's 80th birthday. From the first moment I heard him speak in Melbourne, Australia close to 20 years ago, the word compassion is what I think of when I hear his name. He is the living embodiment of what compassion in action truly looks like. Through his own life's struggles, he is still able to come from a place of love. How does someone do that, particularly when they've seen violence against their country and have been living in exile since 1959?

I believe part of the reason has been the commitment to his practice for a very long time. If you consider this is his 14th incarnation and he's now 80, he's had many lifetimes to refine his practice. In addition, all the stories that are recounted from people who've met him say the same thing: He really sees people as being no different from each other. He offers love, eye contact, sincerity and laughs easily. One aspiration I hold is to emulate even a fraction of what he displays...so my practice continues, day after day, just as his practice has been embedded within him for countless years.

A few weeks ago, my husband Ed and I were attending the Palm Springs International ShortFest. As we were sliding into our seats in a packed theater, we had to navigate past two seated women. I shuffle into the row and sit a couple of seats away, followed by Ed. The next thing I hear is "OW!" by one of the women, with Ed replying, "sorry!". I didn't hear the next reply from the offended woman, but only heard Ed say, "Well, what would  you  like  me to do?". He then sat down next to me, a bit fired up and told me that the woman said, "Sorry isn't going to cut it!"

Following the films we were discussing how it was that the woman's default comeback was, "sorry isn't going to cut it"...where does that thought originate.? My reflection was that she obviously is suffering in some way and over the years has tread a path that isn't reflective of love, compassion or her higher self. If she should hold any desire to change, she's got some work to do. Now imagine if the person sitting in the same seat was HH the Dalai Lama. What would his response be? My guess is that it would have moved to his default reaction of finding love and compassion for his bumped foot and for the bumper of the foot.

One human characteristic is that we fall into the same patterns of behavior, some which serve us (such as our yoga practice) and some that don't (such as getting angry in public with little provocation). When we are acting from a place that isn't coming from our higher selves, it can seem as though we have no choice in the matter..."that's just who I am". Yet if an opportunity arises for us to pause, we begin to see that we actually have a choice in our behavior. The big challenge however is to find the pause and to do so, we need to slow down. Our lives are so often buzzing around us that it all becomes a blur. How can we possibly recognize the opportunities to act differently?

Stepping onto our mats, sitting our backsides on a meditation cushion, study of the wisdom traditions and being surrounded by people who support positive behavior are ways in which we can begin to slow down the spinning cycle. It sounds incredibly easy, yet this can be a lifelong practice. Begin by recognizing all the things that you do that are supportive of how you want to be in the world and keep doing them. Check out of the stuff that drags you down and puts you back onto the hamster wheel of self-destruction rather than self-realization. And listen to that powerful internal voice and feeling in the gut about your actions and their ripple effects. We all have an ability to make a difference not only in our own lives, but in the lives of others.

I bow deeply in gratitude to have such an example as HH the Dalai Lama. If he can do it, we too can take our own baby steps toward emulating him. Happy birthday His Holiness!

Choice

With Independence Day here in the United States, I was reflecting on what the 4th of July means to me. What came up was having the ability to choose. 

I remember an experience I had when I returned to western culture after spending 6-months in Africa. I was in London and headed to the supermarket to buy some basics. As I stood in the brightly lit and wide aisled store, looking at the enormous selection of cereals all I experienced was the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. There was just simply too much to choose from and my next reaction was to leave. 

Yet at the same time, I was struck by how much we take for granted, particularly as it relates to the number of opportunities we have to choose from. In less fortunate countries, there may be only one cereal choice, if any at all. You might go for days and only subsist on bananas and maize meal. In the developed Western countries, we have created abundance and much of this began when people left their countries seeking other places in which they had more choice, more opportunity to live as they wanted and not as they were told.

The Fourth of July reminds us that we wanted to be able to create our own utopia with freedom to practice speaking, praying and expressing ourselves without oppressive censorship. It took a collective courage to realize the need and seek a path of creating a way of life that supported this ideal.

Our yoga practice is a way of seeking our own liberation and manifesting it into something that is greater than ourselves. But, we must first know what it is that we need to connect to, our own inner freedom and then trust the ancient methods that have been passed down through generations.

The Buddha said that suffering is a given in life and through making particular choices about how we undergo our daily existence we can move further away from this suffering to liberation. Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W a research professor of Social Work (author of the book, "The Gifts of Imperfection") found that we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Thus, if we have difficulty in tapping into our own hearts, how can we fully connect into the heart of others? By uncovering our own deeper need, one of which is love, we can begin to not only better our own lives, but more fully engage in other peoples lives...you know...spread the love from the inside out.

As we engage in the process of discovering what we need more of in our lives (peace, knowledge, freedom or socks), we can then begin to set in motion our plan of striving to reach it. Just as our forefathers knew they were suffering and sought freedom, we too can look at our own lives from a similar perspective. 

This brings me back to cereal. We have so much opportunity sitting within reach. We have so much (sometimes way too much) to choose from that we often forget that having choices is a result of having freedom. For those less fortunate, they can still find freedom in their hearts and spirits. For us, we have the chance to not only choose between the high fiber/gluten-free granola or Captain Crunch but also how we choose to be in a relationship with ourselves, other beings and our planet.

I am grateful for being able to live in a country where I have the power to choose. Happy Independence Day to all!