What's Your Story?

Recently I have been listening to a recording of a retreat held in Stockbridge, Massachusetts at Kripalu led by Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg.  Both are established in their chosen forms of expression, Krishna Das as one of the most well-known Kirtan (music) artists in the world and Sharon an established Buddhist teacher and author.  It's perfect listening during my commuting time around the desert.

Listening to this has led me to my thought of the week...that revolving story and, most often, limiting belief that we hold to be true about ourselves.  It's the same story, over and over again, often represented by different characters or scenery, but same plot.  

It's taken me some time to unearth my revolving story as these tales tend to be hidden deep within the psyches.  The same repetitive dialogue has taken anchor within the cells and seems to be as much a part of us as our eye color.  We believe that these stories are unchangeable truths, yet that would be an illusion.  As soon as we begin to recognize the repeating theme, we can name it and, in doing so, the personal saga begins to lessen its grip on us.

My story began taking root back in my teenage gymnastics years and was reinforced throughout my adult life every time I didn't get the job or make the cut.  My story is about not being good enough. The person who comes in second, or misses moving onto the next round of competition by 1/10th of a point.  Almost there, but not quite.  The story is then compounded by deep disappointment, embarrassment and shame.  I wanted to please my parents, coaches, teachers and bosses.  I wanted to prove that I WAS good enough to seek their approval and feel worthy.  On the occasions when that didn't happen, the story became more embedded, seemingly more a permanent part of my identity.

And if I ended the story here it would seem like a real downer. But the good news is this...the story continues and I'm beginning to unravel and re-write it.  My yoga and meditation practice has been the channel by which I've gotten to recognize my story in action. When those feelings of inadequacy arise I am now better able to hold myself gently and with compassion.  As I step further along my path of purpose, I bear witness to how much I do know and how much I can do.  As I age, I have lessened my vise grip on seeking approval and trust my intuitive sense of wisdom.

Although not gone, my revolving story doesn't attack my sense of self-worth like it has in the past.  When I hear my brain beginning to read my story to me, another part of me speaks up and says, "hey, it's that re-run again...are you going to sit down and invest time in it or turn the channel?"  My intention is to not only turn the channel, but to hit the mute button in the process.

So what's your story?  Do you recognize what it is?  Be kind, be curious and recognize that you have the power to re-write it.

Have fun with that!

What Are You Willing To Risk?

With the passing of Nelson Mandela, I can't help but think how some people throughout history have been willing to risk their very lives for what they believe.  I know that I am not alone in being touched by the countless stories and memories of Mandela's life.  For me, a difference exists between self-righteousness and injustice.  Strapping a bomb to your chest as an act of martyrdom pales in comparison to simply standing up for what you believe to be injustice against humanity.  My own personal mission is to end violence against women and I find myself often wondering to what extent I would personally go to see this happen.

What strikes me about Nelson Mandela's journey was not only the incredible impact that one human being can make but also his willingness to forgive.  Enduring 27 years of incarceration he created by necessity a life of discipline and self study so that upon his release, he could be a symbol of unity rather than division.  It is said that Nelson Mandela had many different prison guards guarding him who he managed to befriend disarming their ability for brutality.  Even behind bars and spending long hours in solitude, he had the gift of connecting to others.

And how does this relate to yoga?  This story is a reflection of setting intention, trusting your inner voice, committing to a disciplined way of being with the goal of evolving your own self. In doing so, the individual impacts those around them, perhaps bringing them along into questioning their own way of being and respecting humanity.

By stepping on our yoga mat, we embark on a journey of transformation.  What may begin as a physical practice has the potential to impact more than our body, more than our own individual self.  As we begin to expand our own awareness, the sense of what we do, how we act and carry ourselves in the world begins to expose that all is connected and that we are not our own island.  Each being on this planet has actions that affect something else.  When we begin to walk the talk, live a life of service, of self-discovery and consciousness, it can't help but leak out of us.  How we are influences others.  

Imagine if your intention was so determined to right acts of injustice, that every day your life was focused on this intention, what the impact could be.  Great social changers of the past 100 years have done just that...Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are prime examples of living their intention and walking in the face of adversity and conflict.  Their life's work was a reflection of their convictions and it did make a difference, not just to me, but to millions.

To that, I am inspired and bow my head to say thank you and Namasté.

Tension? What Tension?

It just never ceases to amaze me.  I can teach three classes in a day, each of which has similar stretches that often include moving the head in order to stretch the neck.  And although I'm demonstrating this over and over, each time I come to that point in my body, I feel the SAME tension that I felt in the class four hours earlier.  I would think that by stretching my neck frequently, that the next time I do it, it wouldn't give me the same "wow...I'm tight here" message.

Yet, as I journey down this path of mind-body-spirit connection, I know that my physical tightness isn't always physical.  Tension is a reflection of something else.  Pause for a moment and think about that in your own body...tension is a REFLECTION of something else.

As we connect to this idea it begs the question: "what is this tension a reflection of"?  I can offer up some ideas as to where this sneaky tightness might be coming from.  Is it a mirror of a repetitive physical posture or pattern you hold on and off throughout the day?  Are you someone who spends hours seated at a computer and as a result have tension in your neck, upper back and shoulders?

Are you carrying too much workload?  Do you have too much on your plate?  Is the word "no" one that could be used more frequently in your vocabulary?  Are you concerned about finances and paying bills on time?  Are you caring for someone who is injured or ill?  Are you recognizing that you need to take time for self-care?  Are you holding onto residual emotions of grief, loss or anger?  We all know this list could grow ever longer, but the point is recognizing the tension that is being held in your body and discovering whether you can find its source. This is the real practice.  When we find it, we can possibly alter it.

One way to explore your tension is through performing a body scan. Sitting with eyes closed, begin at the crown of the head and start searching for the tight spots in your body.  Take a deep breath in, and when you find a hot spot, pause, exhale and visualize softening this point.  Keep scanning throughout your body, stopping each time you find tension, breath in and let go. Once you get to the soles of your feet, do it all over again as tension has a way of creeping back into the body.

You might find that you get so familiar with scanning the body for tension, that you can locate it much more quickly, even scanning and releasing as you drive, chat on the phone or work at your computer.

When you notice things, things change.  When you pause and inquire as to why your jaw is clenched or your shoulders are hovering just below your earlobes, you begin to understand that you can let go.

We all carry unwanted baggage.  We all have concerns about things that don't belong to us.  As the saying goes, "stay inside your own hula hoop" and surrender the rest.

And now as I've written this, I have unclenched my jaw and dropped my shoulders several times.  Ahhh, that deep breath sure feels good.  Wanna try it?