Self-Love

The clock is ticking down on my final weeks of teaching live classes, shifting from a working life to a life of being on sabbatical and embarking on world travels. So, over the next three weeks, I’ve decided to offer up some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from coming to my yoga mat.

I first stepped onto my mat in the early ’90s and what my practice looks like today is quite different from what it looked like back then. I’m incredibly grateful for the many lessons that I’ve learned, for the amazing teachers I’ve had the honor to practice with and who helped shape how I share this practice, and to the thousands of students who’ve guided me along the way. I have found this time of winding things down to be quite humbling as people have expressed to me what it has meant to them to be my student.

If you asked me back in the early ’90s what I thought I would get out of yoga, it wouldn’t be what I’m about to say…self-love. This idea was firmly cemented when I saw this quote by Seren Kierkegaard:

“Above all do not forget your duty to love yourself.”

Apparently, he would sign off his letters to family and friends with the above statement. As I read his words, I was struck by the word “duty”, indicating that loving ourselves isn’t a selfish act or a flippant choice, but one of obligation and commitment.

I so believe that every time we come to the mat or sit on our meditation cushion, every time we show up in whatever form our practice takes, that it is an act of self-care and self-love. When we come to our mat, we begin a conversation with the entirety of our being. We check in with our physical body, we notice our thoughts, we sit with the fluctuations of our emotional state, and we connect to a larger essence of consciousness and meaning. Coming to the mat is never a selfish act, but one of deep commitment and care.

I have often been heard to say that “our practice begins within” and as we open into the spaciousness and stillness by coming into our practice, we begin to establish an embodiment of living from a yogic perspective. What that fundamentally means is that we begin to cultivate a harmonious relationship between body, mind, and spirit. As we embody a harmonious state, it doesn’t stay solely within us but echoes outward. Imagine a still pond and dropping a pebble into it…concentric circles are created from the pebble and move further and further away from it.

This was affirmed by the researcher, Dr.Brené Brown, who found that the data showed that self-love is integral to our connection to others. She says:

“Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them-we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”

The Buddhist tradition of loving-kindness or metta meditation is positive energy and kindness toward others. The practice is to repeat phrases such as “May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, and may I live with ease” and the starting point is “May I”. As the practice progresses, others are included with “May you” statements from the easier recipients of benefactors and friends, to a neutral person, and eventually out to those who are prickly and may challenge us. The point is the practice begins within and is focused on ourselves before it moves onto others. What we wish for ourselves, is also what we eventually wish for all beings everywhere.

And tying it all back into our yoga practice, one of the guiding principles of yoga is that of compassion, also known as ahimsa. Within the Sutras of Patanjali, ahimsa is the first of the five Yamas and is an overarching practice that pervades all aspects of the practice. Ahimsa is compassion for ourselves, for each other, and for the planet. When we are acting from a place with an intention of compassion and kindness, we are in a state of union and harmony. In yoga, we achieve equanimity by initiating the practice from within our own hearts, being conscious of the impact of our actions, thoughts, and words on ourselves and others.

So I honor you for your own acts of self-love and self-care, for each and every time you’ve stepped onto your mat, and set a timer for your meditation practice. I honor you for taking the time to embody all that you’ve been taught and for becoming the pebble that is dropped into the pond. We would all benefit from more pebbles in the world!