Channeling Goldilocks

Once upon a time, many of us were told the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. For those who need a reminder, this girl, Goldilocks, walked into an empty house that happened to be owned by three bears. She decided to do a bit of exploring and sat down to eat some porridge. As she tasted Papa Bear’s porridge, it was too hot. Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold. Well, Baby Bears porridge was just right so she chowed down. She had a few other adventures in the house that involved chairs and other things until she finally made it into the bedroom where she tried out Papa Bears bed...too hard. Mama Bears...too soft. Baby Bears bed was just right, so she hopped in and fell asleep. And on the story goes, which if you don't know the ending, you'll have to Google it or ask someone else.

Now you might be wondering how the story of Goldilocks makes its way onto a blog about yoga. What I like about this trespassing youngster is that she was in search of what was "just right" for her. And as we step into our yoga practice or move through our day, do we know how to find that sweet spot of what's just right for us? If we shift the emphasis of the story to Papa Bear, we learn that what is just right for him is hot porridge and a hard bed, illustrating that what is just right for each of us may be quite different. As a yoga instructor, I don't know what's right for my students. Only they can determine that through their own awareness. By allowing people to search for what's just right for them, it provides each of us an opportunity to pursue a different path. If we can do so without placing judgment on what's right for me or for you, a particular acceptance and freedom arises...not only on the yoga mat but far beyond.

As we channel our friend, Goldilocks, we want to embody the non-criminal element of her behavior. I mean, she did enter the Bear’s house without permission and messed with their stuff…not very yogic behavior. Another element of the story is the search for Goldi’s own truth and preference, which is quite particular to her. If we explore this topic further we can turn to the Buddhist path of “The Middle Way” which acknowledges that opposites will always exist in exactly the same moment. In situations where we find ourselves being challenged can further our own suffering as we we cling to extremes or our own preferences without considering the “others” perspective, which can taint the reality of the present moment.

As so often happens, what we need to practice is right in front of us. We are in the midst of experiencing extremes with the political divide and the ongoing pandemic which has exposed and accelerated differences in areas of our society that have been neglected. Our holding onto either side of the split is causing a level of suffering that many of us haven’t experienced in our lifetimes. To say the least, these are tough times and many of us feel powerless to do anything about it except to respond by tightening our grip on what we believe to be “just right” for us. To quote Rumi,

 “Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.”

Perhaps in order to soften the impact of the moment, we not only offer ourselves compassion and self-care but take some time to sit in the opposite view and understand the complexity of any given situation. We don’t have to adopt it but rather to listen to it and know its presence. This is called empathy, an ability to see and sense the present moment as experienced by others. When our heart sits in empathy, it is unable to sit in anger, even for the briefest of moments.

 A metaphor to describe this practice is to sit in the messiness of our own lives as though we are sitting by the edge of a pond in stillness. As we sit, we watch all the different creatures, beasts, demons, animals, opinions, and beings that come to drink at the pond. We simply watch and stay in the middle of the experience. This is a practice of finding equanimity where we give ourselves time to observe rather than to simply react. With this gap between what we observe and how we act, we may very well choose the same thing but at the very least, we’ve done so consciously. In living with an open-heart, we recognize differences and honor the “just right” not only for ourselves, but for all beings, everywhere.