Sympathetic Joy

At the beginning of a class this past week I welcomed back a committed yoga student who was attending a class for the first time in our new studio. She had taken a short break and when I asked her what she'd been up to she told me that for the holidays, she and her family had planned a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. As soon as she mentioned it, I got so excited and started bubbling with enthusiasm as to what a fantastic trip it is, as I had done it about 15 years previously. Having traveled extensively throughout the world, I still rank this adventure as one of my all-time favorites. We started to have an engaging exchange of which company, how long, what month etc. And then I realized that we were playing right into my theme of the week, sympathetic joy!

As we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition, we focus this week on the third Brahma-vihara, sympathetic joy or Mudita. This is where we share an authentic reaction to the joy and success being experienced by another person. Something good is happening along someone else's path and our response is one of support and genuine happiness for their good fortune.

At first glance, this may seem like it's a natural reaction, that we'd be happy for the success of others. However, if we dig a bit deeper, think of those times when we see someone celebrate and part of us feels anything but joy. We look at their "good fortune" in terms of how they may "have it all" or "have what it takes" for good things to happen. It can trigger us into the feelings of envy or jealousy. Possible thoughts of "I wish that would happen to me but I don't have enough ________, fill in the blank - money, time, resources."

This reaction can bring feelings of inadequacy as though there's simply not enough for everyone and we are the ones missing out. As you can see, this begins to create our own level of suffering. Luckily, the practical elements of the Brahma-viharas provide a way to be with suffering, whether it be our own or someone else's. If we go back to the beginning of theses practices, we move toward the statements of loving-kindness: May we be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and ease. When we see suffering, we now have a way to offer an action to that suffering whether it be through silently repeated phrases or saying them out loud. What we wish for ourselves we wish for all beings everywhere.

The practice of sympathetic joy begins with recognizing that there IS enough for all of us. It's as though we're an empty vessel that can fill up with unconditional love and contentment, and as we do so, it begins to spill out of us. The practice becomes such a part of us, that a natural reaction to someone else's good fortune is for us to feel part of that joy. We recognize and share moments of joy for ourselves and others, in doing so it connects us more deeply.

This week is our annual tennis tournament, where we host some 700 players from around the country for a senior championship over nine days. It had been announced that I had opened a new yoga studio and that players and their families were invited to participate in classes. Many people have been offering congratulations and one in particular, an avid tennis player and sponsor of the tournament came up to me and said, "Congratulations! I heard about your new studio. That's a big deal and it's very exciting!" We continued to chat further about what was on offer and where we were located. He was truly excited for me and prior to that particular conversation, we had more or less just said hello in passing. So imagine how I felt after this encounter? He was sharing sympathetic joy with me. He recognized through having his own business the challenges, risks and rewards of doing so and he opened his heart to me in the process. 

I walked away from our chat feeling more connected to him than ever before...another example of sympathetic joy in action. I was grateful that it was so top of mind that I could recognize the sweetness of the moment.

So my thought of the week is to raise your awareness to when you're unable to share in the joy of others, when the green dragon of envy raises its head and ask yourself, "what's stopping me from being part of the celebration?". And if your reaction is one of feeling as though something in your life is lacking, bring in the practices of compassion and loving-kindness to yourself. This is the Brahma-viharas in full action-uncovering what causes us to suffer (wisdom and mindfulness) and taking action to acknowledge and shift.

I'm excited to share what's next along this path, so stay tuned. In the meantime, notice how it feels in your physical body to experience joy. Recognize that there's enough for everyone and let it spill out of you, no holding back!

Compassion

This week we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition. Last week we explored Metta meditation, that of loving-kindness.  The practice is the repetition of phrases such as:

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you live with ease and find peace

As stated last week the phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. We began the practice with statements focused on " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin by offering these statements to ourselves and over time we begin to offer them to others. This week we begin to move further away from ourselves as we explore the second of the Brahma-viharas, Karuna, translated as compassion. 

Compassion is where loving-kindness meets suffering, whether it's within ourselves or others. The Brahma-viharas are one wing of a bird with the other wing being mindfulness and insight. When we see the suffering in others (wisdom and awareness) and couple that with loving-kindness, we begin to take the idea of compassion and place it into action. Compassion means "to suffer with" and goes beyond mere empathy. When we empathize and then go further to offer phrases of loving-kindness, compassion comes to life. It's more than an intellectual idea and can become a way of traveling through our daily lives. 

All of these practices take time and consistent repetition. Introducing these practices through classes and writings is simply that...an opening of a small door into a much larger way of being in the world. Recently His Holiness the Dalai Lama was asked about his daily (and lengthy 4-6 hours) meditation practice. He said that he no longer has the emotion of anger. It appears momentarily and then dissipates. It's incredible to think that this is possible, given the seemingly endless violence and unrest in the world, particularly for His Holiness as he has so many issues that he could be angry about! Yet, his daily commitment and steadfastness have altered his relationship and attachment to such powerful emotions. He's an extreme example as his practice has lasted for virtually his entire life(times). These practices are so completely embodied that his natural go-to state is that of compassion. It oozes out of him. And the one thing we all have in common with the Dalai Lama is that he's as human as the rest of us.

So what does this mean for us everyday house-holders?

My thought for the week is to recognize that all of us suffer in our lives, yet a way exists to meet it. When we become aware of our own or other people's' challenges, we have a way to "hold the space" for what is arising rather than to turn and run away from it. It doesn't necessarily mean we try to "fix it" but rather to find a way to hold recognition that it exists and soften to what's happening by taking a breath. We connect our deep-hearted human quality to the moment and offer what we wish for ourselves and all beings. We step into the gap and experience what it means to be deeply human.

Today, wish for yourself and someone else that you know who may be suffering, to be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease. Our compassionate hearts are greatly needed.

Loving-Kindness

The big question I asked myself at the beginning of this week was what theme seemed like a natural progression from the previous two weeks of intentions and being present? What evolved was talking about the Brahma-viharas, four qualities that are cultivated in and out of meditation practice. These "heart practices" are said to be one wing of a bird with the other wing being practices of mindfulness and insight. When they are both ignited, we take off and fly!

So what better way to deepen our intentions and focus on this moment then to unveil the practice of loving-kindness, also known as "metta" meditation. Metta means "friend" in Pali, the language of the Buddha, and is a practice that uses the repetition of phrases. The ones that I were taught are:

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be healthy

May I live with ease and find peace

The phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. As you may notice, these statements are " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin with ourselves and over time we eventually begin to offer the statements to others. We begin with I, then move outward, like an embracing circle to: a benefactor, friend, neutral person, challenging person and then, out to the furthest point away from ourselves, to people me may be in complete disagreement or disgust with. In other words, we don't start by trying to offer loving- kindness to the most challenging or difficult people in the world, but begin to truly entrench loving-kindness within our own hearts so it becomes a natural part of who we are.

Having worked in women's health for the past several years, I noticed how so many women (and men, too) begin away from themselves. They spend their energy looking after others - family, homes, spouses, jobs, their community or local events. And often they realize that they themselves are empty, burned-out or resentful. 

The practice of loving-kindness reminds us to begin within our own hearts. For what we wish for ourselves, we wish for all beings everywhere. This process takes time to establish. We cultivate and dig these phrases into our own psyche so that they become the reflection of our deepest intentions, particularly when we are connected to the present moment. We begin to realize that when our own hearts are tended, we are able to reach out with love and compassion to others, rather than with resentment and agitation.

The next three Brahma-viharas are compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Practicing loving- kindness, compassion and sympathetic leads us to states of equanimity, those in which we aren't pummelled by the swinging pendulum of life.

I will be introducing the other feathers in this wing of heart-centered practices over the next three weeks. But for now, begin with the simplest of phrases that you offer to yourself with sincerity. The phrase that resonates most profoundly with me is "May I find peace and live with ease." This encapsulates a fundamental life intention, both personally and in my outward public life. If I wish for peace in the world, if I truly want to have my grandchildren find ease and harmony in their lives and I wish for us to globally live together with respect and honor, I must practice that for myself. How can I expect things to be different outside of me if I am unwilling to open the door of self-love within my own self?

May all beings everywhere be happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease...and that includes me.

This Moment

As we stepped into the New Year, I began to contemplate how I wanted to approach my teaching throughout the week. So much seems to be swirling around with the energy feeling quite scattered and busy. In the desert, we are officially launching into our high season with film festivals, modernism week, tennis tournaments and galas galore. We have so much to choose from to keep us involved and entertained that it led me to my thought of the week-This Moment.

It's easy to get pulled away from the present moment and into what meditation teacher, Sarah Blondin, calls "living in the static". When I heard this description, it deeply resonated with me. I had the image of tuning a radio and not quite being on the station, hanging out in the fuzzy static without ease or clarity. When we connect to this moment, it brings us out of the static and into the present. It's a way of tuning into our own inner frequency.  Asking the following question can also make tuning in a more powerful experience..."What if today were my last day?". I cringed when I first heard that question. I didn't want to even think that today would be my final day...I'm not ready for it to be, so I'll just choose to ignore the question. However, when I allowed some space to entertain it, it resulted in me putting on my wide angle lens. All of those things that gather under the skin, increasing irritation and annoyance, went away. The question helped to bring me out of the static and into what truly matters, which is this moment, as this is the only moment we have.

Besides being asked a challenging question, one of the easiest ways to connect to this moment is through the breath as there is nothing more present than your current breath. If we can get to intimately know the breath, how it feels in our body, how it alters and reflects our emotional state and how it brings us life, we have a powerful tool to become radically attentive to our current experience. In a more profound way, our breath is our life's journey. Whoever it is that's delivering a new born baby isn't content until they hear that baby's first cry, a reflection of their first breath. And as we arrive at the end point of our life, in our transition to death, we let go of our final exhale. It's as though an inhale and exhale are the punctuations of our life story.

The other thought I worked with this week is this moment is the sum of our entire life's experience. All of those instances we have experienced from absolute joy to deep pain and vulnerability, where our heart has been so raw, have been the extraordinary teachers in our life. They teach us in such a way as to inform how we wish to be in this very moment.

So as we take these first few steps into 2017, let us remind ourselves that we are exactly where we are meant to be. Let us remind ourselves to notice when we are living in the static and offer ourselves an alternative of radical presence in the here and now. When you're out there and you notice, it's a magical moment in which to awaken. Take a deep breath and come home.

Intention

It's quite typical at this time of year to pause and reflect over the previous 12-months. We project into the future by setting goals and resolutions and, sometimes, when we get to mid-February what we have earnestly resolved to change has slipped off our radar.  We wonder what happened to our New Year's Eve willpower and determination. Change is challenging and when we slip up, when we realize how human we are, we can feel ashamed of our inability to "get it right, for once!"

One challenge we have when we set goals is that often they have an extrinsic focus, one that is outside of ourselves. It's not an uncommon story to hear how people dip into states of malaise or depression upon accomplishing a major goal such as graduating from college, reaching a sales or fundraising target or retiring from the workforce. Our focus is drawn to hitting the target and when it's over, we can get lost in what's next. Goal-setting itself isn't a bad thing as it can definitely point us in a direction that is desirable and offer certain levels of motivation. But it can also feel empty.

My thought of the week has been to recognize the common cycle of the New Year's Resolution and shift the focus from an external to an internal one - to that of setting an intention. I remember one of the first times during a yoga class I heard the instructor say, "Now...take a deep breath and set your intention." I thought to myself, "What? What do you mean by setting my intention? I'm here. I've shown up! What more is there to do?" And perhaps that was my unconscious intention, to simply make time to step onto my mat.

Intentions are deeper than goals. As I heard it described, when we connect to our highest intentions, we connect to purpose. Intentions are the state of "being" as we are doing whatever we are doing.  And if we can understand the intentions that we hold as being most important to us, it's as though we are inscribing our own daily personal mantra of how we wish to be in our everyday actions, words and deeds. One way to tap into what you hold as wisdom from the best version of yourself is to ask this question, "When I feel that I am at ease, fully present and connected to myself, to others and to the earth, what am I doing?"

I love this question as it gives us a personal frame of reference for what it feels like, in our own skin, to be living in that connection to purpose. When we don't act in accordance with our highest selves, we can actually sense the physical sensation and if we're paying attention, we have a choice in that moment to alter what we are doing. Alongside that practice, when we notice we aren't in harmony with our deepest intentions, we begin to shift by offering ourselves compassion for being imperfectly human. We are motivated how to be in our lives regardless of the outcome.

So imagine that we are sitting opposite a dear one, a beloved. The two of you are sitting in silence, in a space of love and ease and your dear one asks you, "What's most important to you?". How would you answer? What do you hold dear and valuable from the deepest essence of your heart space? Allow yourself to be with this scenario for a few moments. Close your eyes, find your breath and hear the question being asked of you. 

Whatever arises is a sign of your highest self and the wisdom that it wishes to share. Listen as this is the truth of who you are wanting to be expressed through your relationship with yourself, to others and to all beings, known and unknown on this earth. Instead of setting a short-term resolution at the turning of this years' calendar, dig a bit deeper and sense the seed of your deepest intention. Personally speaking, I can't wait to see what blossoms in the new year!

You Carry The Light Within

As I begin writing this weekly blog, it's gray and raining outside. It feels like I should be curled up on the couch in my pj's with a lovely cup of chai. The natural world is beckoning me to turn inward and get quiet. Ahhh...this is what I love about the Winter Solstice! We've just passed the mark of short daylight hours and are now turning more toward the sun with longer days gradually making their way into our awareness. The word solstice literally means "sun standing still" so perhaps, we can take its lead and turn inward during this busy holiday season. 

No matter in which hemisphere you live (they've just passed the summer solstice in the south), we are all called to match nature's rhythms yet, instead of listening we hit the mute button and power on through. It's interesting that the Winter Solstice in the northern hemisphere coincides with what is often a busy and stressful time of year for many. Holiday parties, gift buying, traveling and completing all of those tasks before the holidays hit, often leaving us harried rather than relaxed, disconnected rather than connected. A sense of urgency is everywhere, from long lines at the post office and shopping centers to backlogs in traffic and long holds on our phones waiting to get through to a customer service rep.

As the season turns toward winter, deciduous trees drop their leaves and fruit trees become dormant as they wait to foster what is to be blossomed in the spring. And if we were paying attention to the natural world, we too would allow space to find inner stillness. I love this time of year as it feels as though nature is beckoning me to do the same thing. Get quiet and turn inward. Just over a hundred years ago we were more in touch with the cues of light and would have to get by with lanterns, candlelight, and bonfires. We've lost touch as we have access to electricity 24/7/365.

My thought of the week is to remember our natural rhythms. As the light outside is at its lowest point in the year, we are drawn to the light that we carry within. In yoga, it is thought that all beings are born with an inner divine light. ALL of us carry this very same light. For some, the light has been so buried beneath walls of anger, disillusion or mistrust, that it's nearly impossible to believe that it's even present. Part of our path to "enlightenment" is the idea that we are all connected and in feeling separate from one another, we create suffering for ourselves and others. This light is reflected in the word Namaste', where we place our hands at our heart, slightly bow our head and say the word. My favorite translation of this word is, 

"The light in me, sees and honors the light in you. When we are both there, we are one."

If we take a moment to think about it, that's the recognition of the other person as holding one thing in common with you...the inner divine light. In the blockbuster movie, Avatar, they would place one hand on the other person's heart and say, "I see you". The first time I saw that I thought, "they're saying Namaste' to each other!" It's about connection rather than separation.

One way to turn inward is through the practice of pratyahara, one of the limbs in the eight-faceted path of yoga as written by the sage Patanjali. Pratyahara is a withdrawal of the senses, a turning inward away from external stimuli toward our own inner realm. In the darkest hours whether they be during the Winter Solstice or some metaphorical moment in our life, we turn toward the light. When we sit on the edge of the unknown, staring into the blackened void, we can do one of two things. We can either turn away or we can shine our own light into it. In these turbulent times, we certainly could benefit from shining our inner radiance and therefore our collective beacons to face the darkness. When we are connected to this inner realm, we unveil our highest truth, the best version of ourselves. And when we are there, we connect into the powerful emotions of love and compassion.

Thank you Solstice for the darkness, the reminder to turn inward and connect to the light, no matter how dark it might be or seem.

Begin Again

A journey that began about five months ago came into full manifestation this past week as we opened the doors to our own yoga studio, Desert Yoga Therapy. It's the second time in my long, nearly 35-year career that I've had a place that is my own rather than working within a University, commercial gym or medical office/hospital facility. The first time was a small personal training studio that we set up in our house in Oakland. I loved that self-contained (albeit small) space with its lovely windows and natural light,  and it was an easy commute...just a few steps downstairs and I would arrive at work. That all came to an end when we relocated to Southern California and for the past 17 years, I've been housed in someone else's space. I've been lucky in that chapter with many doors opening generously to offer me a place to teach yoga, run workshops and trainings and work 1-1 with people.

When I found out a few months ago that my role within Eisenhower would be coming to an end I took my time in deciding what the next chapter would look like, and this week, the vision has become a reality.

We begin again all of the time. It's a phrase that's often talked about in the practice of meditation, where upon noticing that you're no longer in your center, you "begin again" by coming back to whatever you're using as an anchor. It may be coming back to the breath, a mantra or focusing on a physical sensation in the body (I like to bring my awareness into my hands). The renowned meditation teacher, Sharon Salzberg, talks about beginning again in her teachings. She says that we may have to restart countless times throughout our session and that is the practice. It's so easy to get drawn into distraction...future, past, problem-solving and to-do lists are ever so tempting places to lay our attention. Yet, the magical moment of the practice is when we notice that we've been pulled away. And, in that moment, we begin again.

In a wider context, this week was about beginning again. In the months of deciding and planning, countless moments arose where I was pulled into distractions: location of the new space, what color should the studio walls be, type of flooring, should I have others teach in the space with me? On it went. It was incredibly easy to get drawn into the details and the long list of items that needed to be crossed off countless lists. When I found myself beginning to carry the weight of it all, I reminded myself to begin again. I had to remember the core reason of why I was doing what I was doing --ultimately to create community, to have a place where I could do what I am meant to do and support others in the process.

We all go through cycles in our lives when something comes to an end and we are then at that next starting point. It can often seem as though we are standing on the edge of a dark abyss, uncertain as to what lies ahead of us as we stare into the unknown. If we are able to remember why we are facing a new beginning and connect to purpose and the big picture, we have a beautiful opportunity to shine our light into the darkness. This time for me has been ripe for creativity. I awake in the predawn hours with more ideas than I've had for a long time and it's a lush time for truly developing a vision that is coming from my deepest self and highest intentions. That alone is not only terrifying but undeniably thrilling.

The other emotion that I've experienced this past week is intense gratitude. It has taken a village to bring this studio forth. My heart is indescribably grateful for the tireless support from my husband, Ed. We've had so many people lend a hand, send messages, flowers, plants and cards, shown up in classes and made postings on social media showing their excitement at this new beginning.

I breathe deeply into my heart and recognize that an intention set over 10 years ago of growing my local yoga community has been realized. I put it out there and although part of me shouldn't be surprised, so much has come pouring back to me. Wow...and to think that I had something to do with that affirms a profound truth. When we tap into our inner goodness, follow what our inner voice is asking of us and try to do so from a place of integrity, we can manifest many magical moments.

Thank you to all who've been my companions along this journey. May all of us enjoy our new sacred space and spread the love into a wider community. I hope to share this new space with you and that our paths will cross soon.