At the beginning of a class this past week I welcomed back a committed yoga student who was attending a class for the first time in our new studio. She had taken a short break and when I asked her what she'd been up to she told me that for the holidays, she and her family had planned a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. As soon as she mentioned it, I got so excited and started bubbling with enthusiasm as to what a fantastic trip it is, as I had done it about 15 years previously. Having traveled extensively throughout the world, I still rank this adventure as one of my all-time favorites. We started to have an engaging exchange of which company, how long, what month etc. And then I realized that we were playing right into my theme of the week, sympathetic joy!
As we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition, we focus this week on the third Brahma-vihara, sympathetic joy or Mudita. This is where we share an authentic reaction to the joy and success being experienced by another person. Something good is happening along someone else's path and our response is one of support and genuine happiness for their good fortune.
At first glance, this may seem like it's a natural reaction, that we'd be happy for the success of others. However, if we dig a bit deeper, think of those times when we see someone celebrate and part of us feels anything but joy. We look at their "good fortune" in terms of how they may "have it all" or "have what it takes" for good things to happen. It can trigger us into the feelings of envy or jealousy. Possible thoughts of "I wish that would happen to me but I don't have enough ________, fill in the blank - money, time, resources."
This reaction can bring feelings of inadequacy as though there's simply not enough for everyone and we are the ones missing out. As you can see, this begins to create our own level of suffering. Luckily, the practical elements of the Brahma-viharas provide a way to be with suffering, whether it be our own or someone else's. If we go back to the beginning of theses practices, we move toward the statements of loving-kindness: May we be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and ease. When we see suffering, we now have a way to offer an action to that suffering whether it be through silently repeated phrases or saying them out loud. What we wish for ourselves we wish for all beings everywhere.
The practice of sympathetic joy begins with recognizing that there IS enough for all of us. It's as though we're an empty vessel that can fill up with unconditional love and contentment, and as we do so, it begins to spill out of us. The practice becomes such a part of us, that a natural reaction to someone else's good fortune is for us to feel part of that joy. We recognize and share moments of joy for ourselves and others, in doing so it connects us more deeply.
This week is our annual tennis tournament, where we host some 700 players from around the country for a senior championship over nine days. It had been announced that I had opened a new yoga studio and that players and their families were invited to participate in classes. Many people have been offering congratulations and one in particular, an avid tennis player and sponsor of the tournament came up to me and said, "Congratulations! I heard about your new studio. That's a big deal and it's very exciting!" We continued to chat further about what was on offer and where we were located. He was truly excited for me and prior to that particular conversation, we had more or less just said hello in passing. So imagine how I felt after this encounter? He was sharing sympathetic joy with me. He recognized through having his own business the challenges, risks and rewards of doing so and he opened his heart to me in the process.
I walked away from our chat feeling more connected to him than ever before...another example of sympathetic joy in action. I was grateful that it was so top of mind that I could recognize the sweetness of the moment.
So my thought of the week is to raise your awareness to when you're unable to share in the joy of others, when the green dragon of envy raises its head and ask yourself, "what's stopping me from being part of the celebration?". And if your reaction is one of feeling as though something in your life is lacking, bring in the practices of compassion and loving-kindness to yourself. This is the Brahma-viharas in full action-uncovering what causes us to suffer (wisdom and mindfulness) and taking action to acknowledge and shift.
I'm excited to share what's next along this path, so stay tuned. In the meantime, notice how it feels in your physical body to experience joy. Recognize that there's enough for everyone and let it spill out of you, no holding back!
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