Finding Grace

Last week, something happened that hadn’t happened in seven months…we paid an in-person visit to my Mother. She has dementia and is living in a small board and care facility, fifteen minutes from where we live. She receives excellent care and has been kept safe during this time of the pandemic where she is one of the most vulnerable, and for that, we are extremely grateful. We’ve had weekly phone calls and a few family Zoom calls to stay connected, and this past weekend, we were allowed to see her in-person.

We visited outside, with my husband and me wearing masks and sitting away from her, and spent about 40 minutes together. As we were saying our farewells, she indicated that we were forgetting something…giving her a hug good-bye. My heart broke a bit as we looked at her and I told her we aren’t allowed to give her a hug at the moment. She offered a resigned shrug and said, “okay”. As we drove away, and for the next couple of hours, I had an underlying sense of agitation. It was a difficult visit in some ways, trying to navigate a conversation behind a mask with an 88-year-old person who relies more on body language than spoken words. The inability to rub her back and sit close by to share a recent slideshow felt disconnecting and what I found myself needing afterward was to offer myself grace.

This was just one sign in a time of many challenges.

As I reflected upon my own need for grace, it expanded to not only my Mother but to so many beings who’ve been greatly impacted around the world. One of the unspoken things we can turn to in challenging times is to soften. Soften our reactions, our expectations, what we say, and how we act towards ourselves and others. I was reminded to hold myself gently, once again, without hardening my heart.

As I’ve shared the theme this week, I realized I’m not the only one needing to find grace. People are fragile at the moment and it’s no wonder. Aside from an on-going pandemic and interruption and re-organization of what we knew to be our “normal” lives, we are in the midst of powerful energetic shifts. In a couple of days we’ll have a “blue moon”, the second full moon in the month of October. And, it happens to be falling on Halloween which is also connected to the Celtic celebration of Samhain (pronounced SAH-win). It signifies the end of the harvest and the mid-way point between the equinox and solstice. In the Northern Hemisphere, our days are getting shorter and we are heading into the darkness of winter. It signals a time to celebrate the abundance we have reaped and to honor our ancestors. It is said that “the veil is thin” during this time, between the worlds of the living and those who’ve passed before us. In Mexico, a related holiday is underway called Dias de Los Muertos, or “day of the dead”. Add to this a gigantic political election occurring next week in the USA, it’s no wonder that people are feeling un-grounded and wobbly. It’s the perfect time to invite self-compassion and get grounded in order to emerge on the other side of all of this with less suffering and more empathy and kindness.

I have a few suggestions in navigating your way into receiving more grace. The first is to have a news fast. Unplug for a day or more from the breaking headlines and social media. Other ideas are to get outside into nature and feel the elements-bare feet on the earth; wind in the hair; sun on the face; stop and smell the roses; moon and stargaze; and put your hands in the dirt. Offer kindness to others, they may need a dose of unexpected grace more than you could possibly know. And finally, let go of having to be any particular way right now. I’m trying to soften my connection to perfection. I hear myself saying, “It’s okay for it to not be perfect. Let it go.” And in that, I find what I need…a moment that feels like an unraveling that shifts into one of connection-that of myself to my own heart.