Do Less

What is the saying? You need to see or hear something three times before you actually see or hear it? Well, if that's the case, I have now heard the call to "Do Less" on three separate occasions. The first was in 2006, as I was undertaking my yoga therapy studies. A fellow student and chiropractor said to me that I seemed to have only one speed...that of going full throttle, 110%. He asked what it would be like if I went at 70% and I looked at him as though he was speaking Icelandic. I didn't understand. What I knew at the time was I was born going full speed. Being the third of four children, for five and a half years, I was the youngest child. My Mom would say I "ran her ragged". She recounts how I was always "going, going, running around" and then, after I stopped, I'd fall asleep and then, once awake again would be "going, going, running around". I didn't even know that the possibility of a different speed or effort existed for me.

The second alarm about doing less came a couple of years ago when my Epstein Barr Virus re-activated. I had been cycling 3-4 times each week and found I simply wasn't recovering. I was tired and unmotivated. So, I did "do less" and switched over to walking rather than cycling. I interpreted this as meaning I was truly listening to the feedback my body had to offer and made a change.

The third sign? That happened during my recent 8-week hiatus. I've had a chronic back issue first diagnosed around 1992, so living with back pain felt like a "normal" part of my daily life. That is until the pain began to dial-up in December 2019. Yet, I pushed through the season of teaching, shifting onto Zoom with the onslaught of Covid-19, and had my back re-assessed in July. The feedback from that? Do less. 

Rats...I'm not very good at doing less. I have always been a "doer". I get stuff started and I get stuff done. When I have a goal, I typically not only reach it, but try to do so with the highest of quality. At times, this meant ignoring what my physical or mental self was telegraphing to me, being motivated to give it my all and make whatever "it" is outstanding.

So, when time number three tells me to do less and that part of my doing less meant to back away from most of the more physical aspects of yoga, it provoked anxiety. I'm lousy at doing less and feeling as though by doing so, I'll disappoint others. What if I'm not giving it my all? What if I say "no" to some things that I've always done and have become expected of me? What if I can't teach at all in the way I know how? What if this back pain gets worse and disabling? It was a rough couple of weeks when the "do less" message began to fully land.

As I've sat with that message now over a couple of months, the shift moved from the "what if/can't do" narrative to the what if I did things differently? What if I focused on me and what I need right now? What if I got creative and figured out a different pathway to teaching? At that point, I began to envision a plan of action. Change how much you physically do in your teaching life. Dedicate yourself to what you can to create more stability in your lumbar spine. Learn and consult with trusted experts. I realized I can do less of what's no longer serving me which, in turn, creates a spaciousness for what does. Consequently, part of that plan involves twice-daily sessions of core stability work which includes multiple plank variations. I'm so committed to this that I've got new calluses on my elbows to prove it!

And in the same breath, part of interrupting the busy-ness pattern, I'm offering myself grace to create more space. The past six months have not only been rife with change and loss, but that loss has a term...ambiguous loss.  To get through stressful times, many of us have lost our striving and motivation, relying on our "surge capacity" and apparently I am one of those many. Focused, ambitious, and motivated people have had feelings resembling depression as ambiguous loss is something we can't quite put our finger on and we don't have an end point in sight. Without that, resolution doesn't exist. Here's an insightful article by Tara Haelle that shed light on something I couldn't put my finger on. (click here Surge Capacity)

My thought for the week (and the past several weeks) has been to be okay with doing less. I'm trying not to repeat the pattern of returning home, going back to work, and piling on the to-do list. I'm trying to find grace in saying "no" to what overloads me, and "yes" to what nourishes me. And it isn't easy. No change is easy. It takes grit and discipline and courage. I think I have some of that, so now is the time to call upon it.

How about you? Do you need to do less?