Metamorphosis

Pain. We are wired to move away from something that is painful toward something that is pleasurable. It is thought that when a snake sheds its skin, it's a difficult and painful process. Now, I don't know how they asked the snake what their pain level was during the process, but needless to say, undergoing change can be a difficult and daunting experience.

With the mass protests over the past couple of weeks amplifying the collective message addressing police violence and racial inequality and giving voice to the movement that all lives matter when black lives matter, it has stirred up not only my own consciousness but that of many. I'm a white, privileged person who has had many advantages from that basic premise, many of which I was never even aware of. I was raised in a white, middle-class suburb in Southern California and didn't have a black schoolmate until I was in junior high school. A few more African American students appeared once I got to high school but I wouldn't call any of them friends. We didn't mingle and I didn't get to know them.

Then, just before my 17th birthday, I went to Australia. Again, a white, Anglo-Saxon culture. And although indigenous Aboriginal Australians have walked the Australian continent for thousands of years, I didn't meet or see hardly any. We didn't mingle. I didn't get to know them.

The first time I didn't feel the bubble of the white majority was when I spent 6-months hitchhiking and traveling through Africa. I had occasions where my boyfriend and I were the only white people sitting on a bus or train and we were now the minority. Young girls especially were often curious about my blondish, wavy hair and I would find them "accidentally" brushing up against it to feel what it was like. Our interactions were positive and I remember on so many occasions being welcomed. What it did for me, was begin to open the doorway to empathy.

The protests have prompted a new level of conversation that so many of us haven't had in our lifetimes. What has been sitting in the shadows, out of the eyes of my white privilege, is being brought into the light and, although I've had glimpses before, the intensity of this realization has deepened. And for that, I am grateful. It's as though the covers are being pulled off blind eyes and so many of us realize we have been complicit, even if not intentionally, in the suffering of others. And my heart is calling for this to change.

Change is often motivated by pain. We would rather stick with something that is familiar than undergo the process of self-examination and action to do or be something different. In order for us to shift our cultural thinking to embrace true equality and justice, we must shed old beliefs and awaken to new ones. This process will be difficult. It will take time. It will be uncomfortable and confronting. Our yoga practice teaches us to pay attention to our habits, thoughts, and physical sensations. It teaches us to awaken our awareness of our own experience as it ultimately intertwines with the experience of all beings. Our practice is guided by Ahimsa-compassion and non-violence, so as we practice, we realize we often need to release previous thoughts and behaviors in order to receive a new way of being and thinking.

As Jodorowsky said, "If a caterpillar thinks about the butterfly it is to become, saying 'And then I shall have wings and antennae,' there will never be a butterfly. The caterpillar must accept its own disappearance in its transformation. When the marvelous butterfly takes wing, nothing of the caterpillar remains." 

Taking this into my own practice, I must accept the disappearance of my previous identity in order to evolve into a more accepting and compassionate being. I choose to let go of the limits of my current thoughts and beliefs and listen deeply to the thoughts and beliefs of others. When I am able to see the experience of others moving out of the shadows and into the light, the depth of my empathy grows, and perhaps I can be part of the greater shift towards equality.