Listen

People all over the world are out in the streets...shouting and protesting for better treatment of marginalized people. They're shouting through face-masks and megaphones. They're shouting despite the higher risk of gathering in large numbers amidst Covid-19. Are we hearing their message? Are we listening? Is anybody listening to their cries for change in a way that change will actually happen?

From this disrupted landscape of social unrest, I have been drawn to the energy of the throat chakra, the center of expression and communication. Located at the throat, the fifth energy vortex of blue light is not only connected to what we say but how well we listen, and this is a time for so many of us to listen to the requests, anger, and needs of others. 

It's a practice, often a challenging one, to simply sit and listen without judging or interjecting our own thoughts or tidbits of advice. How good are you at holding open the space for another person to express themselves? To having moments of silence, keeping that silent space for deeper expression? If you're anything like me, this is challenging as I want to help, offer advice, and throw in my two-cents. I want to "fix" the problem and offer solutions and often as it so happens, as I'm thinking of the solution I stop listening. It's as though I throw up the non-verbal wall and put an end to allowing the speaker to truly off-load. And it gets derailed even further if I step into "should-ing" all over people..."you know what you should do..." equals toxic shutdown of all communication. Instead of letting the person speak, I superimpose my own stuff all over them. Hence, the difficulty of the practice to be a listener rather than a fixer. 

In yoga teacher training, I teach (as I was taught) the trainees to ask permission before making a physical adjustment. "May I touch/adjust you?" are common questions before taking action. So perhaps this can be transferred to offering an "attitude adjustment". "I'm happy to just listen, so if you need feedback or want suggestions, let me know" might be an indication that I'm holding the space for expression and won't take it personally if they wish to just vent or if they're actually seeking my viewpoint.

I had a big "aha" moment with my mother one day when she was venting about what to eat, not knowing if what she was eating was "right" and how she could lose some weight. In the past, I would jump in with my "professional" opinion, making suggestions and would get frustrated when she seemed to more or less ignore all of my good intentions. On this day, I paused and kept listening instead. I finally said to her, "I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice, so let me know if you're actually wanting it." I heard silence on the other end of the phone. I had never responded like this before when she brought up this topic. I realized with the silence that she wasn't really wanting a solution to her "food issues" but needed to off-load her frustration around it. I didn't take my default path of fixing, asked instead, and it shifted our interaction on the subject for quite some time. I realized I couldn't meet her need of finding a food solution and needed to simply be a better listener.

To begin a practice of becoming a deeper listener, sit still for a moment and close your eyes. Give yourself this time to simply be and listen to all the sounds you can detect. Can you do so without judging? Without thinking, "Oh I like this sound but that other sound is simply annoying." Can you simply notice how sound arises and falls away? Can you notice it's fluid nature and impermanence? The next step is to transfer that to a person you're having a conversation with. Can you just listen without analyzing straight away? Can you ask a question of "is this something I can help you with?" and await the answer without offering advice?

When we honor the speaker and let them release whatever they need to say, we may gain valuable insight into what they are actually needing and, in return, if we can support them in that need.

I am listening. Deeply listening. Listen.