Is Self-Help Selfish?

You flip open your to-do list for the day either the old-fashioned way of an actual handwritten appointment book or via or mobile device. You have many things that need your energy and attention. Now, check to see if there is anything that is simply centered on you...not work, kids, family, charity, errands...just something for you. Is it there?

This week's thought was prompted when I was working with a client one-on-one and they said to me, "but spending time working on me is being selfish...isn't it?".

We all have threads that connect us to other people, obligations and responsibilities. Sometimes they take the form of our spouse, our kids, our job, our pets, our community, our house, our car, our environment...well...you get the idea. How do you begin each day? Do you awaken thinking about all of those threads of attachment, looking after "stuff" to find that by days end, the thread that attaches you to you, well, has been completed ignored?

Countless times clients share with me how they look after everyone else. Our culture admires people who are capable, responsible and busy. "She does so much. She helps so many. She has so much energy to give"...really...? If that's true, where does this seemingly endless pool of available energy come from?
And how long have they been accessing it? I would take a guess that if someone has boundless energy they are doing one of two things. Either taking time for their own needs, or two...on a collusion course with burn-out, resentment and fatigue.

With this cultural bias towards busyness, it can seem selfish to spend time on ourselves. If I'm spending time looking after me, then who's looking after everyone else?

Good question.

I recently heard a story about illumination. That if you place a single candle into a darkened room, you begin to see more clearly. If you add ten candles into the same room, it begins to brighten and the more candles that you light...the brighter the darkness becomes. One single candle can light many others. But if that first candle goes unlit, then the room remains dark.

When we take time to look after our own light, we begin to radiate not only into our own divinity, but it expands beyond us. Our illumination begins to touch others which can ripple outward and away from us generating more goodness than can be imagined. Without taking time to find our own inner light, not only do we remain in the dark, but we are unable to "enlighten" those that we connect with and care about.

It doesn't take much time to be in touch with our own center. Simply closing your eyes, listening to the quiet, finding our breath and hearing our inner voice is a great place to start. So, I say...go ahead, be selfish and make an appointment with yourself. Fan your inner flame and spread the light!