Begin Again

The cycle is self evident...we take a breath in and we breathe out. It happens millions of times throughout our life and each and every time it's an example of my thought for the week, that of beginning again.

Perhaps this is the time of year we think more about what's next as we flip the calendar from 2013 to 2014.  This time of the year many are asking themselves a familiar question: "What is my New Year's Resolution?"  Is this the year that whatever has been sitting on my to-do list finally makes it off the list and into manifestation?   
We ring in the New Year often with great expectations and find ourselves in a puddle of disappointment that whatever it was that felt so compelling at midnight on January 1, seems to have fizzled just like our glasses of champagne.  The oomph is gone and we are back in the dance with the familiar.  Do we really need to change that much?

As I have written in the past regarding the New Year, I want to honor what has evolved and acknowledge how it came about. Often, we are ready to let go of things before their time, thinking that the grass might be greener if we do. Take a moment to consider ONE thing that you've added into your life this past year that has made it unquestionably better. That one thing began as an inclination that something needed to change and you stepped onto a path of creating that change. And now...here you are in the present moment with what now seems to be quite a normal part of your life, although it didn't begin that way.

I'm all for living in the present moment and practice it daily. But I also recognize how our past is a magnificent teacher. If we're paying attention to our actions and how they echo first within and then beyond us, we begin to become better attuned to what is truly working. It's a dynamic process that will forever be unfolding, yet I hope that with acknowledging what's working that I get more efficient at finding out what's worth keeping and what is not.

And this leads me back to my thought for the week, beginning again.  As we travel along our own path of self-discovery and transformation, many of us use the practices of yoga, meditation, prayer and contemplation.  These practices are all part of us peeling back our layers of illusion which are fraught with endless stories of self-doubt, judgment, criticism and expectation.  We also learn that when we cling to our stories, we move away from the direction we desire and sit in the lap of suffering.  So, we begin again.

When we notice that we have grabbed onto a thought and followed its wild ride, it's in THAT moment that we begin again, that we recognize this as the opportunity to let go.  We can come back to the moment, we can come back to THIS breath, to this very inhale and this very next exhale.  We may have to do this 700,000 times in our practice because that IS the journey of surrendering.

With that being said, my intention for this moment, which just happens to be the new year of 2014 is to begin again...over and over and over again.  When I come back to that place of the beginning, I have nothing but spaciousness and in that spaciousness, there is no suffering.

Begin again. 

Pinnacle Year

As we approach the turning of the calendar from 2013 to 2014, I can't help but get a touch of nostalgia of what 2013 meant to me. I would say that it's been a pinnacle year with many profound experiences.  I don't always feel this way as we approach the new year and in a year that has had enormous abundance and life altering occurrences I have also heard people say, "I can't wait until it's 2014...2013 was a tough one.  Good riddance!"

This time last year I had my energy pointed toward India as I was traveling there with Off the Mat, Into the World (OTM) on one of their Bare Witness Tours. Visas, vaccinations and to-do lists were par for the course as well as organizing who would cover classes for me during my absence.  This year I'm in a different phase of planning which is mostly centered around the Eisenhower Wellness Institute (where I began a new role as the Mind-Body Program Manager in September) and creating curriculum for my yoga school, Desert Yoga Therapy Yoga Teacher Training, that began a 10-module course in September. 

Two other professional highlights were having a year of study with Judith Hanson Lasater and undertaking an OTM Leadership Training in remote Saratoga Springs, CA.  It reflected a deepening connection to my yoga community and a commitment to continually be looking for what is next on my own path.  To study, interact and be completely inspired is an amazing and rare gift which I hold dearly.  I trust that it not only benefits me on a personal level, but that I can share what continues to unfold within my own local community.  My two words for the year have been
collective  and collaboration and, as it turns out, that's what is still on the radar!

No doubt, it's not all about me as so much of what has unfolded has been enthusiastically supported by my husband Ed.  He is my sounding board and adviser, always willing to offer his insight.  To have a life partner who sees your light and allows you to shine is beyond words.  I do feel lucky and can say "yes" to so much because he is behind me.

Of course, like any year, not all is rainbows and unicorns as we lost our beloved dog, Koele, in October.  It reinforced the gratitude I hold for having my yoga and meditation practice to provide the foundation for rocky times.  Although a sad event, it reminded me of how life ebbs and flows, how people support you during tough times and what unconditional love actually looks like.  I was in a space to be with him, face to face and chanting during his final breaths...a heavy, grief ridden blessing.

For those who know me, tooting my own horn isn't something I feel comfortable with.  I'm not particularly skilled as a self-promoter preferring the route of letting my actions do the talking. However,  I was inspired to share my pinnacle year as my thought of the week as it truly seemed incredible.  Had you told me in my 30's or even five years ago that I would feel like this in my 50's, I would've been optimistic that that would be the case, but certainly wouldn't expect it.  

Yet, life has moments that feel so incredibly magical.  I find myself being struck by the depth and beauty of different beings often seen through the lens of suffering.  The human spirit, in such difficult times can truly rise up and meet the great mysteries of life.  And somehow I feel like I'm doing something to meet this suffering. Can I change it?  I don't know. But, I can certainly stand right next to it and hold that precious space of compassion that often seems to be lacking.  And I want to show how vulnerable it can all be and that in that delicate space, that we can be okay.

So I take a deep breath and bow to the year that is coming to its calendars end.  And I ask the vast Universal energy to continue to keep me plugged into this massive grid of opportunity.

I don't know what 2014 will bring but I'm ready to hold on tight and go for a ride! Who's coming with?

What's Your Story?

Recently I have been listening to a recording of a retreat held in Stockbridge, Massachusetts at Kripalu led by Krishna Das and Sharon Salzberg.  Both are established in their chosen forms of expression, Krishna Das as one of the most well-known Kirtan (music) artists in the world and Sharon an established Buddhist teacher and author.  It's perfect listening during my commuting time around the desert.

Listening to this has led me to my thought of the week...that revolving story and, most often, limiting belief that we hold to be true about ourselves.  It's the same story, over and over again, often represented by different characters or scenery, but same plot.  

It's taken me some time to unearth my revolving story as these tales tend to be hidden deep within the psyches.  The same repetitive dialogue has taken anchor within the cells and seems to be as much a part of us as our eye color.  We believe that these stories are unchangeable truths, yet that would be an illusion.  As soon as we begin to recognize the repeating theme, we can name it and, in doing so, the personal saga begins to lessen its grip on us.

My story began taking root back in my teenage gymnastics years and was reinforced throughout my adult life every time I didn't get the job or make the cut.  My story is about not being good enough. The person who comes in second, or misses moving onto the next round of competition by 1/10th of a point.  Almost there, but not quite.  The story is then compounded by deep disappointment, embarrassment and shame.  I wanted to please my parents, coaches, teachers and bosses.  I wanted to prove that I WAS good enough to seek their approval and feel worthy.  On the occasions when that didn't happen, the story became more embedded, seemingly more a permanent part of my identity.

And if I ended the story here it would seem like a real downer. But the good news is this...the story continues and I'm beginning to unravel and re-write it.  My yoga and meditation practice has been the channel by which I've gotten to recognize my story in action. When those feelings of inadequacy arise I am now better able to hold myself gently and with compassion.  As I step further along my path of purpose, I bear witness to how much I do know and how much I can do.  As I age, I have lessened my vise grip on seeking approval and trust my intuitive sense of wisdom.

Although not gone, my revolving story doesn't attack my sense of self-worth like it has in the past.  When I hear my brain beginning to read my story to me, another part of me speaks up and says, "hey, it's that re-run again...are you going to sit down and invest time in it or turn the channel?"  My intention is to not only turn the channel, but to hit the mute button in the process.

So what's your story?  Do you recognize what it is?  Be kind, be curious and recognize that you have the power to re-write it.

Have fun with that!

What Are You Willing To Risk?

With the passing of Nelson Mandela, I can't help but think how some people throughout history have been willing to risk their very lives for what they believe.  I know that I am not alone in being touched by the countless stories and memories of Mandela's life.  For me, a difference exists between self-righteousness and injustice.  Strapping a bomb to your chest as an act of martyrdom pales in comparison to simply standing up for what you believe to be injustice against humanity.  My own personal mission is to end violence against women and I find myself often wondering to what extent I would personally go to see this happen.

What strikes me about Nelson Mandela's journey was not only the incredible impact that one human being can make but also his willingness to forgive.  Enduring 27 years of incarceration he created by necessity a life of discipline and self study so that upon his release, he could be a symbol of unity rather than division.  It is said that Nelson Mandela had many different prison guards guarding him who he managed to befriend disarming their ability for brutality.  Even behind bars and spending long hours in solitude, he had the gift of connecting to others.

And how does this relate to yoga?  This story is a reflection of setting intention, trusting your inner voice, committing to a disciplined way of being with the goal of evolving your own self. In doing so, the individual impacts those around them, perhaps bringing them along into questioning their own way of being and respecting humanity.

By stepping on our yoga mat, we embark on a journey of transformation.  What may begin as a physical practice has the potential to impact more than our body, more than our own individual self.  As we begin to expand our own awareness, the sense of what we do, how we act and carry ourselves in the world begins to expose that all is connected and that we are not our own island.  Each being on this planet has actions that affect something else.  When we begin to walk the talk, live a life of service, of self-discovery and consciousness, it can't help but leak out of us.  How we are influences others.  

Imagine if your intention was so determined to right acts of injustice, that every day your life was focused on this intention, what the impact could be.  Great social changers of the past 100 years have done just that...Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are prime examples of living their intention and walking in the face of adversity and conflict.  Their life's work was a reflection of their convictions and it did make a difference, not just to me, but to millions.

To that, I am inspired and bow my head to say thank you and Namasté.

Tension? What Tension?

It just never ceases to amaze me.  I can teach three classes in a day, each of which has similar stretches that often include moving the head in order to stretch the neck.  And although I'm demonstrating this over and over, each time I come to that point in my body, I feel the SAME tension that I felt in the class four hours earlier.  I would think that by stretching my neck frequently, that the next time I do it, it wouldn't give me the same "wow...I'm tight here" message.

Yet, as I journey down this path of mind-body-spirit connection, I know that my physical tightness isn't always physical.  Tension is a reflection of something else.  Pause for a moment and think about that in your own body...tension is a REFLECTION of something else.

As we connect to this idea it begs the question: "what is this tension a reflection of"?  I can offer up some ideas as to where this sneaky tightness might be coming from.  Is it a mirror of a repetitive physical posture or pattern you hold on and off throughout the day?  Are you someone who spends hours seated at a computer and as a result have tension in your neck, upper back and shoulders?

Are you carrying too much workload?  Do you have too much on your plate?  Is the word "no" one that could be used more frequently in your vocabulary?  Are you concerned about finances and paying bills on time?  Are you caring for someone who is injured or ill?  Are you recognizing that you need to take time for self-care?  Are you holding onto residual emotions of grief, loss or anger?  We all know this list could grow ever longer, but the point is recognizing the tension that is being held in your body and discovering whether you can find its source. This is the real practice.  When we find it, we can possibly alter it.

One way to explore your tension is through performing a body scan. Sitting with eyes closed, begin at the crown of the head and start searching for the tight spots in your body.  Take a deep breath in, and when you find a hot spot, pause, exhale and visualize softening this point.  Keep scanning throughout your body, stopping each time you find tension, breath in and let go. Once you get to the soles of your feet, do it all over again as tension has a way of creeping back into the body.

You might find that you get so familiar with scanning the body for tension, that you can locate it much more quickly, even scanning and releasing as you drive, chat on the phone or work at your computer.

When you notice things, things change.  When you pause and inquire as to why your jaw is clenched or your shoulders are hovering just below your earlobes, you begin to understand that you can let go.

We all carry unwanted baggage.  We all have concerns about things that don't belong to us.  As the saying goes, "stay inside your own hula hoop" and surrender the rest.

And now as I've written this, I have unclenched my jaw and dropped my shoulders several times.  Ahhh, that deep breath sure feels good.  Wanna try it?

Where's Your Focus?

It's incredible to me how things seem to just show up at the right time.  What follows is a true story of gratitude that turned up on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  It's a story told to me by my husband Ed, who spends part of every Tuesday as a volunteer visitor with Mended Hearts.  These volunteers go into the local hospital and visit heart patients and their families. To qualify for being a visitor you had to have had a heart related incident.

It is said that some of our biggest challenges turn into our greatest gifts and this is a reflection of that saying.



Just over four and a half years ago, Ed underwent open heart surgery.  He was treated with great care in our local hospital and a few months into his recovery was seeking a support group and discovered Mended Hearts, a national organization that had a chapter at another hospital.  This inspired Ed to bring the organization to where he had been treated as a way of giving back.  It is well known that having support by those who've been through what you're going through is extremely helpful.

This past Tuesday, after a long day of work, we both sat down to dinner and catch up with our day.  I am always curious to hear who Ed saw in the hospital on his visiting days and as he told me this story you could see the emotion rising within him.  On his way into a ward, one of the nurses suggested to Ed and his fellow visitor, that this particular woman would be a good candidate to see.  The nurse pulled up two chairs alongside the women's bed so that Ed and cohort could sit and visit.

She warmly welcomed her new visitors with a smile and an obvious sense of gratitude for the company.  As it turns out she was back in the hospital running a high fever following the insertion of two cardiac stents two months prior.  In addition, she had ovarian cancer, which was thought to be in remission but another tumor had just been discovered.

Yet, the woman couldn't help but share how grateful she was for "all of the wonderful volunteers" or as she called them "angels from God" who visited her in both the cardiac ward and cancer center.  She arrived in the United States two years ago escaping the turmoil of her native Egypt and landed in the desert with her husband because her two sons were living here. 

Ed said she was just effusive with thanks and smiles.  He was struck by the simplicity of her attitude, that even in having difficult health challenges, she was STILL here, STILL alive and ever so thankful to simply still have a life.

This story demonstrates that her focus was on her life, not her health challenges.  It is thought that if we can whittle down our thinking to the most fundamental idea of appreciating what we have in this very moment, that the fluctuations of our circumstances truly fall into the background.

This story reminded me to stay focused on what I can do rather than what I can't.  On what I do have rather than what I don't.   On who I am, rather than what I'm not.  Coming into the present moment, we sense our breath, our life and our heart beat.

Be fully alive and awake in your experience as it's happening NOW.  Why wait to celebrate this journey until you're faced with life's obstacles.  As Ram Dass beautifully says, "Be Here Now". 

And as both Ed and this wise woman demonstrated, we can take our darkest moments and turn them toward the light.  

In This Moment, I Am Grateful

It's the weekend before Thanksgiving which lends itself to an easy (if not obvious) thought of the week...that of gratitude.  In the past I have undertaken a gratitude practice via Facebook.  I was asked  to join a group that set the intention of writing and sharing five things that we are grateful for, every day for a month. I thought this to be a great practice, one that I can share with a larger community, but more importantly, a practice that reminds me of how incredibly abundant my life is.

When we undertake a conscious choice to acknowledge what we are grateful for, it brings us into the present moment and allows us an opportunity to release negativity.  When people dwell on a pattern of thought that isn't a reflection of their highest self, it can be likened to a downward spiral, dragging our energy, attitude and spirit into darkness.  Our body reflects this in slumped posture, illness or agitation and we become a short fuse in the world that may ignite rapidly given the slightest chance.

If we find ourselves trapped within the looping negative dialogue where nearly every thought and sentence begins with something like:

"I'm frustrated with...

I don't have enough...

I'll never get...

I'm mad at...

I'm not worthy and...

This country is in a..."

Then maybe it's time to undertake a serious gratitude overhaul!

One of the many striking things about traveling through India was that people generally seemed happy. Not only were they incredibly polite, but how they greeted us as well, as the day seemed to hold an authentic sense of thankfulness. So many of these people had much less in the material world than we here in the States, yet their industriousness seemed to hold an underlying sense of being thankful for the chance to make a difference in our experience.

When we sit each day and engage in an inner dialogue that conjures up all that we're thankful for, it's as though a switch is flipped. We shift our perspective away from what appears to be lacking to what is present in our lives. A practice of gratitude allows us to remember all that we are, all that we have and all that we can do. It's more than enough when you get right down to it.

So, for this Thanksgiving and the next few weeks, I will stay committed to my daily gratitude practice. Feel free to join me...you'll be thankful you did!