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As Benjamin Franklin said, "In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes". Thanks, Ben, that sounds like a real downer even if it is true. Life changes and in response to that and in relationship to our yoga practice, we must change with it. Not only is our yoga practice dynamic, but so is our life...we don't live in a static state but in the ebb and flow, like ocean tides. If we have the quiet expectation that things will remain the same or live in a state of denial that all is temporary, inevitably we will create a deeper sense of suffering for ourselves.
The focus of this week is to address how we react to the dynamic nature of our being, particularly as we age, face injury or illness, or have a major life challenge such as marriage, death, retirement, or financial uncertainty. As I contemplated this ever-evolving and often unpredictable state, two words came up: challenge and change.
When a challenge shows up in our lives, we need to change what we're doing in order to adapt to the challenge. We could do nothing, but that's likely to be a short-sighted choice. For example, if we find out we have arthritis and keep doing the same movements and eating the same foods, it's likely our pain will continue and increase. If we know we now have to be more aware and gentle to ourselves, it can lead to significant changes in our activity. We may do a bit less, or change the amount of impact across the joint, eat an anti-inflammatory diet, or use an alternative method of pain management. The "doing nothing" scenario may eventually lead us to take more drastic measures--stopping activity altogether or getting a joint replacement.
As the challenge presents itself, can we mindfully and in a compassionate way adapt what we've been doing to something that now accommodates this newer and unfamiliar state?
Although it's a bit tough to admit, since I'm a yoga/wellness/fitness professional, I've had my own challenges over the past twelve months. I irritated my knee playing pickleball, then found out instead of it being a torn meniscus, it was osteoarthritis. Subsequently, my foot (on the same side) began to have pain in the plantar fascia (sole of the foot). The result was that I needed to do something that felt uncomfortable...take a rest from one of my regular activities of road cycling. This hiatus from activity challenged the mental paradigm that has been embedded in my psyche from years of training myself and others. The one that says if you're not doing X then Y will happen...if I don't get enough cardiovascular exercise, the "10,000 steps" mantra, then I'll get out of shape, or gain weight, or develop more diseases, or have insomnia. My mental battle was more challenging than the physical one. Letting go of what I thought I needed to be doing to create space for what actually served me was challenging.
The second challenge began around the same time as I had increased levels of fatigue, which felt a lot like depression. Turns out I had a resurgence in the Epstein Barr Virus I've had for many years. During my summer hiatus, it became evident that I needed to do something a bit different as I stepped back into my "regular" world. As a result, the challenge of fatigue and inflammation in my knee and foot led me to a drastic new way of being. Now, I have a firm policy to be lights out by 10 PM and if I don't need to wake up early, I don't set an alarm. I've been allowing myself to sleep as long as needed, and at times, this has meant sleeping through my morning exercise or desk work. And so be it. Sleep became the priority. My return to better health became the priority.
An "advanced" yogi is one who can recognize what they need on a particular day and wrap specific practices around themselves, rather than wrapping themselves around a particular practice. The dynamic nature of being human will be constant and we can evolve our awareness to match our needs to the present moment. The bottom line with all of this is to hold ourselves softly, with kindness and compassion. It's a powerful act of self-love.
We know that things will change, are you ready to go with it?
The theme this week is not related to Halloween or about having the pants spooked off of us. It's about taking the plunge toward doing something that scares us. I had two of those experiences this past week.
To begin with, I entered my very first photojournalism contest. I've been an avid photographer for the past 40 plus years and never have I entered any of my images, of which I've taken thousands, into a contest. The main reason for my hesitation is I am scared of being judged. The feelings of not being good enough, especially when compared to others runs deep, so much so, that I've avoided it until this time. And I was somewhat happy with my entry...it felt rushed and could have been better thought out, but that was my own fault for misreading the entry requirements, working on the entry from a different angle and having to hurry to put it in before the deadline. I almost didn't. I almost, once again, thought "Well...it won't win. All the others look like pros and why bother...?" But I did it anyway. I fell into the fear and thought it was a worthy hurdle to jump, so I did.
The second happened this past weekend as my small band, Jayne and The Om Boys, played a musical event (Kirtan) to mark the Autumnal Equinox and raise money for a local charity. I play harmonium and sing the lead (call) part of the music, to which everyone else sings back (the response). So I'm sitting in front of everyone and singing in public. Another moment to be completely terrified of being judged as not good enough. Thankfully, I'm supported by amazing musicians and have now been doing this for a few years so the fear is less, largely because I sense the benefit in the practice and the charitable nature is much stronger than the fear. I remember the very first time I was asked to sing mantra on my harmonium at a friend's house where she was having a meditation event. My hand was shaking as I placed it on the keyboard. I silently wondered how I would ever be able to play, but a few deep breaths and closing my eyes got me through it.
This week is about finding something that scares us (that we choose) and coming to meet it face-to-face. Solo travel? Going to the movies or out to dinner by yourself? Asking for a raise or promotion? For me, it's even deeper than just sharing photos or singing. It's about healing some of my soul story, the karma that I've carried into this lifetime and is based around my throat chakra...the place of expression and creativity. Whether you're into bringing stuff from past lives into the current one or not, I've felt that my throat has been tied up for years. I used to get laryngitis at least a couple of times each year, went through speech therapy to correct the issue and learned for the first time, that I didn't know how to use my voice. Apparently, I was shut down and unable to express myself previously as well as not being given credit for creating certain things. So I guess I'm making up for it in this lifetime...singing, chanting, public speaking, teaching, photography, choreography, and writing are all connected to the energy of my throat.
I am trying to learn to trust this part of who I am as being whole and worthy...and that's what makes it so terrifying. The healing of past wounds can be quite uncomfortable, yet within the fear awaits magnificent potential for positive change and evolution. So try this practice on for a week and notice what scares you into almost not doing something and then see if you can look below it...why does it feel that way? I bet that once we take a good look at feeling vulnerable, we can sense that our drive to overcome it is greater than the fear itself.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. It's okay to be scared!
My thought of the week was born a few weeks ago when I ran into a friend of mine who had recently completed the CDT (Continental Divide Trail). I had been following his trip which involved four months of solo hiking. About five years ago, he completed the PCT (Pacific Crest Trail) which runs from Mexico to Canada, another amazing feat. So when I saw him, I stopped to welcome him back to the desert and asked how he was settling in. We got into a great conversation about being overwhelmed by people and things, as well as how parts of the trip went. He said initially it was all about finding the perfect gear...lightweight and efficient. He was traveling without a cook stove and ate everything raw and would binge on cooked foods when he came into towns.
As the journey progressed, he realized that he needed less and less. He then said, "We pack what we fear". I asked him to explain more fully as I was completely intrigued by this statement. Basically, he said, you pack more food if you think you'll be hungry, more water if you think you'll be thirsty and more clothes, well, just in case. It's the "just in case" scenario that begins to weigh you down. He said the lighter he became he recognized how resourceful he was and could be completely self-reliant.
It reminded me of the time I spent six months backpacking through Africa. I had minimum clothes: two pairs of shorts, two t-shirts, lightweight pants, raincoat, a pair of heavier pants, visor, some underwear, a bathing suit, and a sarong. We had some cooking gear (no stove), tent, Swiss Army knife, a sleeping bag, and mat but not much else. I had bought a one-way ticket to Harare, Zimbabwe and had no plans. I've told many people that those months were the freest I've ever felt in my life. It was light and I had no agenda or expectation.
Humans have been walking this earth since time began, often as nomads which meant that traveling light was essential. We've lost touch with this part of our DNA with our Western culture as having less is often equated with being unsuccessful. We stuff ourselves full of things in search of connection or approval. So when I hear about my friends hiking adventures, I can relate to the simplicity it offers and, in turn, the reconnection it can bring.
Another sign to travel light came to me recently when my sister, niece, husband and I were at my Mother's house preparing it for an estate sale. Mom has dementia and is in an assisted living facility so it's time to manage the house that we grew up in and where she lived in for 54 years. It was overwhelming as Mom is an organized pack-rat. Every possible place that something could be stored was filled. As we donated bags of clothing, my niece begged my sister (her Mom) to not do this to her.
Lastly, my husband and I are downsizing so we have put our house on the market to find something smaller and, in the process, have been decluttering. Both of us agree that having less clutter feels good and we intend not to refill the house with anything, if possible.
As I've been working on simplifying my life over the past three years, one of the starting points was decluttering. It began in a small way and has progressed to making bigger changes. So my thought of the week is to ask ourselves when we're bringing something into our lives, do we need it? Do we love it? If the answer is yes, then go for it! If the answer is no, then begin to explore why you're saying yes to it. It may be a physical item or saying yes to a commitment of some kind. One of the presenters in my "Simple Year" course spoke about getting out of credit card debt. One of her experiments was to not buy anything new for a year. Yep...a whole year beyond the necessities (food, shelter). I have tried this experiment for a month and it has been much easier by decreasing the amount of browsing done to websites, particularly ones that offer incentives for joining their email list. Buy another item and get free shipping, receive an extra 10% off etc...you know the deal. Upshot-unsubscribe, unsubscribe, unsubscribe!
Ultimately this leads to another possible blog topic of conscious consumerism. The more conscious we become of our behaviors the more we can find peace in our choices.
So, are you about to hit that "purchase" button? Pause and think if it will lighten your load and help you travel more easily through life. Now that's a challenge!
In previous blogs, I have mentioned that if I have a cluster of images or signs show up, I tend to pay attention to them. Over the past several days, I kept coming to the image of a wheel, or a circle with a dot in the center of it. I felt that the center point, or what would be the axis of a wheel, is symbolic for "the now moment" and that the space that moves away from it contained within the circle, is the actions and thoughts of our lives. The center is in stillness, yet what is surrounding it is in motion. When we realize that we are no longer present and have been pulled toward the periphery, our practices of yoga, contemplation, slow living, and meditation are ways to move back to the center.
Often times it is anxiety, stress, fear, uncertainty, depression, or grief that pulls us away from the still point. Those emotional states can rapidly yank us out of the center point with so many of us spending vast slabs of time swimming around in it. They have a powerful pull and, like most people, I wasn't taught how to come back to a calm place so I would stay paddling around in swinging emotional states. Think of those people who seem to always have some drama going on in their lives. If people are a "hot mess" it might simply be because they've never been shown a way to come to the present moment. They know no other way of being.
My approach to yoga over the years has evolved from being one of a physical practice where heading to a class three times each week was "doing yoga" to realizing this is a way of being in life. The path never ends with the practices changing as we change. We are quite fortunate to have living masters of the "now". When I think of people who live in the center of the moment, Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, and His Holiness the Dalai Lama come to mind. They have been in such deep and dedicated practices over their lifetime that the center is where they spend the majority of their time. They may get pulled out toward the periphery, but are masterful at returning to the present moment. I'm grateful that I have stayed with my practice over the past several years, and so often, I feel like a neophyte finding my way. But what I've gotten so much better at is noticing when I've been pulled out to the periphery and now have ways to return to my center.
This past week in classes, we have been using the five senses to come back into the present moment. You can try this and see if it resonates with you. Sit or lay on your back and begin by exploring the sense of touch. Notice what your body is touching, how your clothes touch your body, how the air in the room passes over your skin and how the breath brushes the nostrils as you breathe in. Next, notice the sense of smell. What aromas are wafting past? Do they come from your own self-care products, a nearby stick of incense, or onions being sautéed? Move onto the sense of taste, noticing any residual flavors in the mouth. With the sense of sight, if your eyes are closed what do you see behind the lids? An array of colors like the Northern Lights or a dark night sky? And finally, listen to any sounds in your environment...stomach gurgling, swallowing, breathing. How about background noise in the space you're in? How far away can you detect sound?
Once you've spent a short time scanning the senses, is there one which you can easily sense? If yes, let that be your practice for the next week. Use this sense as a conduit back to the center of the present moment. The sense of sound is an easy one for me as I notice all sound arising and falling away. If I need to center myself, chanting 108 mantras or humming a song brings me back.
The challenge for all of us is to recognize the moment when we're doing laps around the outer edges of the present moment, rather than being in it. In that magical moment of awakening, we can use our senses to move back to the center. Everything that you sense in your body is happening in the now.
Try it out and let me know how it goes! Ommmmmmmmm!
It seems I am called to pay attention to the cycles of the seasons and the moon. We have just passed the equinox, the Autumnal Equinox in the Northern hemisphere and the Vernal Equinox in the Southern hemisphere. These are the turning points, the halfway marks between the Solstices which are the longest and shortest days of our year. As the equinox glides by, we notice that the daylight and nighttime hours are about the same and it's because the sun is moving about the level of the equator. And as the world is tilted and rotates, this changes as we approach the most dramatic changes of light at the Solstices. In the Northern hemisphere, our days are now getting shorter, we have left the dragon's fire of summer and are turned toward the fall and winter season. Of course, the opposite is true in the Southern hemisphere.
In paying attention to these seasonal shifts, it reminds us to notice the balance between darkness and light. It's as though we have this moment of stillness before tipping towards change. Traditionally, the Autumnal Equinox in the north has been a time of celebrating the harvest and abundance that the summer crops have yielded. It's a time when the fields, orchards, and trees come to rest and seeds are dropped into the earth. We are headed toward a dormancy only to be awakened in six months at the Vernal Equinox. But for now...things get quieter and we rest.
We also just passed the full moon and I asked my husband if he remembered where we were on the previous full moon. After a few moments, he remembered we had just watched the sunset over the Indian Ocean in Western Australia; it was dusk and we were heading away from the coast as the bright full moon rose up over the horizon. And as it happened, we spotted a kangaroo coming out for its dusk foraging and provided a most memorable scene (photo below)! It's during the full moon that we see manifestation, where what we've planted during the dark New Moon shows itself. And this too is another natural cycle that is an invitation for checking in to see if we're living in alignment with how we wish to be in the world.
This equinox prompted me to think about Sutra 2.46 from Patanjali. Only three of the 196 aphorisms in the Sutras talk about the physical practice of yoga, the "asana" or postures that we practice. It also means that these three references to the physical practice are loaded and is 2.46 "Sthira Sukham Asanam". It can be translated as "right effort", "steady and comfortable". The Sthira is also thought of as "alertness or strength" and the Sukham as "relaxation or surrender." Asanam is the root word for "posture/pose" so when you hear the instruction of moving into Tadasana, Sukhasana or Savasana you have a clue that it pertains to something physical in nature.
Within each pose, we can find the effort and, at the same time, the release. I call this moment of balance within the pose the still point, as it's that moment when everything feels compatible, at ease, and steady...just like the energy of the equinox. Early on in my yoga practice, I was in a Warrior Two pose, a strong lunge position, and my teacher, Murray, said to me, "Jayne...can you stay just as you are?" and then called the class over to my mat. He then asked the class to "look at my face" and in my own curiosity, I was trying not to make a face as others looked at mine. Then Murray said, "Can you see how relaxed her face is?". I hadn't tried to relax my face, it was simply a result of finding the balance between effort and letting go, so no extra tension was seen on my facial expression. Unknowingly, it was my first introduction to Sthira Sukham Asanam and, although I was "working" the pose, I wasn't striving to make it more than what was happening in that moment.
This is a challenge for so many of us...we are taught that we need to work hard, push through pain, leave it all out on the court and do that little bit more or else we're deemed lazy or apathetic. We aren't encouraged to find ease in the process, so finding "right effort" is something we can certainly explore through our practice. We also don't want to be sloppy and disconnected from our experience, giving less than, but to look for the sweet spot of equanimity.
A couple of things to notice during your asana practice to see if you're in balance is to notice micro-tensions, particularly in the facial muscles (clenching teeth, squinting, furrowing the brow) and to see if you can sense your breath without struggle.
As we honor the cycles of the seasons, whether we're welcoming spring or fall, take some time to reflect back to the previous equinox and see what has manifested in your own garden. Perhaps now we can stop tilling the soil for a bit, let ourselves celebrate all that has grown in our lives, and look forward to the next season.
It was over 20 years ago that I first saw Deepak Chopra speak. It was at a gig in Melbourne. I went alone and remember having a seat that was fairly high up in the auditorium. Much of what he was talking about went way over my head...quantum physics and the like. However, one thing he said then was a true nugget for me and has stuck with me over the years. It spoke of finding the gap between our thoughts. At the time, I thought "there is no gap between my thoughts...what is he talking about." He said that within the gap is where insight happens...and that had me hooked. Of course, now I know more about what he was talking about as I have a steady meditation practice which allows me to know that gaps exist. How much time I'm able to actually stay there is a whole other thing, but I know it to exist.
This past weekend, Deepak was a key presenter at Bhakti Fest. It was his first visit to the high desert festival on its 10th anniversary. I sat in on three of his sessions and was treated to another nugget...some 20+ years later. He said that a key aim of our yoga practice is to be able to "observe ourselves, without judging ourselves." By doing this we are led to Moksha, often translated as freedom. When we can drop into that inner space of self-reflection and inquiry, we begin to release the entanglement to our thoughts and get to know the truth of who we really are. As he spoke, this particular thought felt as though he had just thrown me another nugget. I'm hoping that it won't be another 20+ years until the next one, but this one is a great thought for the week.
We have a given. We're human. We're judgmental. It's our nature and, deepened through conditioning, we toss judgment at not only at others but ourselves as well, often in a more harsh and stinging way. I don't know of many people that upon awakening, look in the mirror, beam and exclaim "Well, good morning Sunshine!" We are sold on the myth that something in us is broken and needs improving. We are sold on the belief that we need to change who we are as what we are isn't enough. Whether we are "sold" on these notions or we are programmed to have a negative bias are ideas that can be debated. Nonetheless, as I explore this path, I'm trying to re-frame that thinking to remembering that who and what I am is enough. I just need to get away from distractions in order to listen to my inner wisdom. It all sounds so simple, and yet, it is an amazing challenge.
I am also struck when people make comments about somebody being "good" at yoga. They may be talking about a person's ability to strike a pose that so many of us would never even get close to doing. I like to say that nobody is good or bad at yoga. We all practice yoga, and where the practice takes us is to those places where we are deeply challenged. Some things come more easily to some people and others may find the identical thing to be difficult. An example of this is I can do a handstand, all by myself, in just about any location with a somewhat level surface. I have been turning myself upside down ever since I can remember, and being inverted and viewing the world from that perspective feels comfortable to me and is "easy". Now, if I did a handstand in the middle of a class, some people might look at it and think, "wow...she's really good at yoga" and I get that. What many people might miss are the things that are hard for me. The physical element of yoga has always been the easiest part of the practice for me. Quieting my mind, finding stillness, self-love, and acceptance has been hard. I stepped onto my yoga mat with none of those abilities and realized that I needed something beyond the physical practice. So my being "good" at yoga is a myth...I practice what I need to remember the most, what is the least accessible and that's the path of going inward.
So, as we release the judgment piece of the practice, we step into greater presence and curiosity. As Walt Whitman said, "Be curious, not judgmental". This past week, I've been encouraging students to watch how often self-judgment arises and to notice what may have triggered it. And then, to get deeply inquisitive about what's happening in the experience and see if we can adopt the observer role with an open heart, rather than the role of judge.
I'm a curious person and always have been. I want to know how things work, how they're structured, their design, and what materials are used to make it all happen. I love learning about the design of tiny homes, I wanted to know all the steps when our pool was being built, and I continue to learn Sanskrit and mantra. And like many others, I feel that I'm a lifelong student and spend several hours each week reading and deepening my own personal library of knowledge. In yoga, this is known as "Svadyaya" or self-study and it's one component to the lifelong practice of yoga.
I also like to listen to different podcasts and, as I was doing so recently, the question of "What would you like to learn?" was asked. Following on from the theme from last week, that of recreating my schedule and commitments for the upcoming season and how I'm willing to "dive in", this seemed to be a fantastic follow-up question...what is it that I'm wanting to learn at the moment? Part of my current learning is to listen deeply to my own cues. I'm needing to better manage my energy expenditure and am trying to perhaps "un-learn" some default patterns and approach myself from a more compassionate and less judgmental place. It's okay for me to not do every single thing I think I "should" be doing. So I'm trying to learn to cut myself some slack.
But my thought of the week is coming from a slightly different place, one of inspired learning that ignites the creative side of who we are. I am well aware of how simply being alive is a constant lesson. The many challenges that we face, the difficult realities that being human entails such as loss, transition, change, and grief...all of these life lessons teach us something. All of us can reflect into those difficulties and pull out of them what it taught us, but this week instead of using suffering as our teacher, let's look to that one thing that we've been yearning to know more about from a place of choice rather than from a place of what is thrown at us through daily living.
As I asked myself the question of "what do I want to learn" I kind of drew a blank. Nothing seemed to be screaming at me so I simply asked myself the question and handed it over to the Universal grid of energy. I was taught in ninth grade English that when writing an essay, to put if off to the side for a couple of days and then pick it up again. It works as you tend to see it with fresh eyes after letting go of it for a bit. The same thing happened with me asking the question of what I wanted to learn.
As it happens, when in Australia, being an avid photographer, I had my DSLR camera out and dropped the lens cap. I watched it roll around in a circle and then drop in the space between the planks of a boardwalk. Oops...So I ended up covering the lens with one of my socks for the remainder of the trip. Upon returning to the desert, I stopped into our local camera store, replacing my lens cap and happened to ask the question, "By the way, do you offer any photography workshops here?". The answer was, "Well, yes, actually we do and have our next happening in October". I smiled and said, "Perfect! Send me the details when you have them!" As I left the store, I felt that the letting go was actually opening a doorway to possibility and was happy for the potential outcome.
When we explore and learn from a curious and creative perspective, the result often connects us to doing something where inspiration is found. When we do what we love, we become focused and absorbed into it, often with time, space, judgment, and sense of self, dissolving. It's an act of meditation, one of being radically present with the current moment.
So know that whatever it is that opens up that channel of connection to something that you're truly wanting to explore, whether it's music, art, photography, being in nature or knitting, that those things are as much a part of our spiritual journey as sitting in silent meditation. They become the same thing...bringing us connected to the inspired part of who we are.
I'm curious to hear what you're wanting to learn...feel free to share!
