Intentional Living

So much has been happening in my local Jayne-o-sphere at the moment: workshops, teacher training, studio classes, social events, cleanses, ecstatic dancing and deep relaxation...all in just the past two weeks! It's easy to see how and why we get knocked off center with such full schedules. What this has prompted me to do is to bring a sharper focus into how I want to live every day and in particular how to stay aligned with my highest sense of self. This week, our focus has been on Intentional Living, an awareness of how we are lining up with how we wish to be in our lives. 

When I was growing up, every once in awhile I would get into a fight with my older brother. We're just 17 months apart and sometimes we would find ourselves in a full-on wrestling match. We would be quibbling over something and it would get physical, with neither of us wanting to relent. We just kept holding on until either fatigue or, more usually, a parent would intervene. At no point did it occur to me that I could let go, end the confrontation and move on. Nope...I needed to hold on to prove whatever juvenile point that I was trying to make.

And sometimes our thoughts are just like that. They pop up with an accompanying emotion and we just keep holding on, tumbling ourselves deeper and deeper into the story of that one particular thought. It doesn't occur to us that we actually have a choice in the very next moment to act differently to our initial reaction. This is where our practice begins to embed itself into our everyday lives. We learn to notice the simplest of things-How does the breath feel as it passes in and out of the nostrils? What is the sensation I'm creating when I pull my knee closer into my chest? Can I notice that I'm distracted and bring myself back into the present moment and regain focus?

From these seemingly small and simple moments of mindfulness, we begin to discover that if we really pay attention, we begin to notice a gap, that opening of space where we realize we have an opportunity to actually make a choice onto which vibrational path we wish to tread. In a recent Chakra Alignment workshop with intuitive-medium, Geoffrey Jowett, the concept of each of the seven chakras possessing two archetypes was a new idea for me. I love studying the chakras and have done so for many years, but I never thought about them in this way. Each one has a lower and a higher vibration and as we explore them, we begin to see the direction in which we are heading. In the past I've talked about being my "evolved vs unevolved self" and the high/low vibration resonated with me.

I've been working many years to unmask my deepest intentions of how I wish to be in this lifetime. They include things like compassion, service, kindness, meaningful relationships and uncovering my purpose. This constant exploration has created a particular feeling deep within me and when I make choices that aren't aligning with these intentions I can feel it in my body...and I don't like it. It's as though I've been creating my own tuning fork and when I find dissonance, I get an inner warning that I'm falling off track. It's a beautiful teacher as it absolutely brings me back into how I wish to be living in that moment. It uncovers the choice that I can make in either moving toward my higher vibrating evolved self, or sliding into past behavior of that lower vibrating unevolved self.

Long gone are the days when I physically wrestle my brother, but I continue to emotionally wrestle with other things. Thankfully, I've given myself the space in which to grow and explore my own self through yoga and meditation. I'm still learning and noticing the many times I'm holding on, getting pulled into a way of being what feels like an ill-fitting outfit. Yet, I recognize it now as my life lessons presenting themselves to me and that I can choose to learn from or ignore what sits in front of me.

As Sharon Salzberg so eloquently stated, "Which thoughts and emotions do you wish to nurture?". Likening our thoughts to clouds passing through a vibrant blue sky, which ones do you let pass and which ones do you create a story around? Are you nurturing the thoughts that take you into better alignment with how you wish to be in the world? I know that we are all doing the best that we can for where we are in this moment, and in this very moment, in this very breath, I choose to take my vibrations higher! 

Live intentionally...you have the power to make that choice. 

Acceptance

It's hard to remember the intensity of the emotional states that I went through in the process of opening up my own yoga studio. It took three months to look for the "right" location, then another two months transforming and renovating the space. Of course, I had this insane idea that everything needed to be just right before we opened. And in holding to this, I began to notice my stress levels rise higher than usual. I remember saying out loud, "You are doing the best that you can, for where you are in this moment". This statement is one that I've spoken about previously and thank goodness it's embedded somewhere within me, as it truly needed to be resurrected during this time.

It's also a useful statement when we are in a relationship with someone who isn't quite meeting our needs. Perhaps we feel anger or frustration at a result or connection that isn't what we are quite wanting. If we can say from our hearts, perhaps silently in conjunction with a deep breath, "they are doing the best they can for where they are currently in this moment" it may begin to offer a shift in our relationship to them. It won't likely change them, but our own relationship to them. When I use this statement, I almost immediately begin to feel the sharp corners of the situation begin to soften. It's as though the edge is being taken off, leading me toward acceptance and away from a negative state. It leads me closer toward a more loving frame of mind, a place of connection rather than separation.

All week I've been reading a quote from Brené Brown, a Research Professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, whose books include: The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The line that cuts straight into me is: 

"Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only love others as much as we love ourselves."

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves...ouch.

Think about that for a moment. What Brené is saying is how we go about loving others is based on our own self-talk, self-worth, self-love. To build this love connection to self and others, we must first accept who we are in this very moment, rather than thinking that we need to be showing up in a different way. Swami Kripalvanandji was heard to say, "My beloved child, break your heart no longer. Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart." 

This very statement is one of accepting ourselves from a place of kindness and, once again, we are reminded that our yoga practice is one that begins within. Instead of looking outside of ourselves to find our worth, or to be validated, loved or appreciated by others, we must turn inward rather than outward. 

If I wish to be loved and accepted by others, I must recognize that I need to dig deep into my own soil, nourish it with self-care and show myself compassion. Otherwise, I limit my own capacity to be the recipient of love and my ability to share it with others. Ultimately, what I wish for myself -- love, ease, peace, acceptance is what I wish for all beings everywhere.

My thought for this week is to remind ourselves to be kind and accepting of our perfectly imperfect selves so we may do the same to others...break your heart no longer.

The Three S's of Spiritual Practice

When I first heard the mention of three elements that support a spiritual practice, it really resonated a volume of truth. Seva, sadhana, and Satsang, Sanskrit words that are translated as service, personal spiritual practice and the community in which this happens.

A few years ago, I felt as though part of my yoga practice was missing and I began to look for ways in which to serve others (seva). We had returned from our first trip to India and I felt I was being called to do something for those less fortunate. India will do that to you. The country is so completely in your face - poverty, pollution, and a billion people-that you can't help but feel the full force of humanity. It was after our return that I came across an opportunity to step more fully in this direction. Off The Mat, Into The World's Global Seva Challenge for 2012 was addressing the issues surrounding sex trafficking in India. I was immediately interested but completely intimidated at the prospect of a $20,000 fundraising goal.

Coincidentally, around the same time during one of my meditation sessions I had an insight to gather together a group of women that I found personally inspiring. So we sat together on a sunny February afternoon on the lawn in my backyard, where I offered chai and gluten-free cookies. I said to the women "I don't know why we are here today except that I am compelled to ask you two questions. One is, what is it that is sitting on the back-burner of your consciousness that you would like to bring forward. And two, what are you so passionate about? So much so that once you begin talking about it, your friends roll their eyes as if "there she goes again!"

It was one of those beautiful times in our lives where something unexpected blossomed. The women shared their dreams and ideas, some through tears but all held in a circle of love and trust. When they had all spoken, they turned to me and asked, "Well, Jayne, what about you?" I hadn't quite expected to speak, but when I did I said that I had been thinking about signing up for the Global Seva Challenge to raise $20,000. But I was a yoga teacher, not a fundraiser and I had this terrible fear of failing. Their reaction is crystallized in my memory as they placed their hands on my back and said, "You're not alone in this! You've got us!" I signed up for the challenge that night and not only did I raise $20,000 but $28,000 with another $5000 in 2016.

The above story is an illustration of Satsang...a like-minded community offering each other support as they journey into a deeper connection to themselves and others. The wonderful thing about undertaking the Seva challenge was that I got out of my own way with a focus on helping those who had no voice. I was driven by their plight far more than by any need I held for recognition, yet through the process, my own spiritual practice deepened in such a profound way. Seva led me to explore my sadhana and it was a pivotal time in my own journey. And all of this happened with the support of my own local village, my Satsang.

Sadhana is a completely personal exploration of what connects us to the highest sense of ourselves. It can be done through any method, religious or not, individually or in groups. It is holding the intention of seeking something deeper, something to which, at some point in our lives, most of us are called to do. The people and community by which we do this, our Satsang, can play a vital role in this uncovering by offering different experiences and perspectives. When we gather together sharing common intentions, such as bringing our physical body into better balance or finding steadfastness and ease with our minds, we become exponentially more powerful. We begin our individual practices on our own, yet we deepen it within and through community.

So my thought for the week is to ask ourselves a few questions:

• How am I serving others?
• What does my own spiritual practice look like on a daily basis?
• How am I being supported in this journey and how can I support others in theirs?

Seva, sadhana, and Satsang. Service, practice, and community. Compassion, discipline, and support. Whatever you want to call it, you need it, we all need it. Reach out and touch someone...it might just reflect back and touch your own heart in the process.

Equanimity

Does life ever feel as though you're sitting on a giant swing? Flying through the air to hit a peak, rushing back toward the earth just to rise up into another peak? Does it ever feel like this giant swing represents all the emotional ups and downs we experience? If you have had these moments, then the fourth Brahma-vihara of equanimity might be of interest.

This past month I've been introducing the Buddhist heart-centered practices of loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna) and sympathetic joy (mudita), also known as the Brahma-viharas. The final one we've been talking about all week is equanimity (upekka) which basically means keeping one's cool as things heat up, particularly under stress. It seemed like a good time to be introducing these practical tools as change, transition, and highly charged emotions are prevalent here in the United States. Instead of feeling as though we are helplessly strapped into the seat of the swing, it is through awareness and choice, that we realize that we can get off...particularly if the reason why we're holding on no longer serves us.

Part of the swinging to and fro is staying attached to the smaller dramas that play out in our day-to-day happenings. We cling to the details and begin to lose sight of the bigger picture. We may find our nerves shot, our tempers flaring and our patience dwindling. By staying connected to the continual unfolding minutia of change, we begin to unravel our steadfast and healthy mental balance. So instead of feeling powerless, we have been given some tools to become empowered. The way to finding a cool head in times of uncertainty is when we are practicing loving-kindness (May I/You be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease); practice compassion (offering loving-kindness when we see suffering in ourselves and others); and to share in the joy of all that is good for other people. It is said that equanimity stems from the first three Brahma-viharas, when we practice being kind, compassionate and joyful, equanimity becomes more available to us. People who are calm, cool and collected most likely aren't simply born that way, they practice becoming that way. 

Last Sunday we concluded our nine-day ASICS World Tennis Classic tournament. Over the past 12 years, I have spent countless hours "running" the tournament desk which means that at certain times, up to 60 people might be checking in for their match and waiting to be put out on a court. Needless to say, it can be hectic. And over these past 12 years, I've had a consistent comment which is "How do you stay so calm when all of this is happening?".  I usually just smile and think to myself-practice! 

I undertook a practice of meditation seriously 10 plus years ago and haven't skipped a day since I began. Want to be more calm, focused and centered in your life? Then you need to practice being calm, focused and centered. It doesn't just magically happen that one day you wake up and are given the epiphany of quiet (well, at least it didn't happen that way to me). I wanted to find a way to manage my (over) reactions to things that were stressful and meditation was the key. Not that I don't still react or behave in ways that I refer to as my "un-evolved self" but I am able to recover more quickly than previously.

Equanimity is knowing that we have a choice of how to be in our daily lives. It's having the insight, intention, and awareness in those moments when we're riding that swinging pendulum and are then able to make a choice...keep holding on or ultimately let go. When we do let go, it doesn't mean that the pendulum has stopped swinging; rather that we are able to take a deep breath and step away from it, especially if it no longer serves us and our higher good. We see the swing moving but we choose the middle path of equanimity instead.

To do this we need to become radically present with what is happening and the best way that I have found to do that is to know the breath intimately. Nothing is more present than the current breath you are breathing.  When we are yanked into a place that takes us away from being centered, we can pause, breathe deeply and let go. It sounds easy but for those of us who've tried it, we realize that we need to practice consistently in order to make it more accessible.

So my thought for the week is to honor where you are on your path. And if you're taking the time to read this and contemplate whether or not you're holding onto the pendulum and swinging to and fro, then you have taken an intentional step closer to finding a calmer sensibility in your being. Keep going. Keep making the time to practice so it becomes part of who you are, not simply something that you dream about.

You have the choice and the power to find a peaceful way. Know that you can't control anybody but yourself...so go ahead, start by taking a deep breath and let go.

Sympathetic Joy

At the beginning of a class this past week I welcomed back a committed yoga student who was attending a class for the first time in our new studio. She had taken a short break and when I asked her what she'd been up to she told me that for the holidays, she and her family had planned a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. As soon as she mentioned it, I got so excited and started bubbling with enthusiasm as to what a fantastic trip it is, as I had done it about 15 years previously. Having traveled extensively throughout the world, I still rank this adventure as one of my all-time favorites. We started to have an engaging exchange of which company, how long, what month etc. And then I realized that we were playing right into my theme of the week, sympathetic joy!

As we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition, we focus this week on the third Brahma-vihara, sympathetic joy or Mudita. This is where we share an authentic reaction to the joy and success being experienced by another person. Something good is happening along someone else's path and our response is one of support and genuine happiness for their good fortune.

At first glance, this may seem like it's a natural reaction, that we'd be happy for the success of others. However, if we dig a bit deeper, think of those times when we see someone celebrate and part of us feels anything but joy. We look at their "good fortune" in terms of how they may "have it all" or "have what it takes" for good things to happen. It can trigger us into the feelings of envy or jealousy. Possible thoughts of "I wish that would happen to me but I don't have enough ________, fill in the blank - money, time, resources."

This reaction can bring feelings of inadequacy as though there's simply not enough for everyone and we are the ones missing out. As you can see, this begins to create our own level of suffering. Luckily, the practical elements of the Brahma-viharas provide a way to be with suffering, whether it be our own or someone else's. If we go back to the beginning of theses practices, we move toward the statements of loving-kindness: May we be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and ease. When we see suffering, we now have a way to offer an action to that suffering whether it be through silently repeated phrases or saying them out loud. What we wish for ourselves we wish for all beings everywhere.

The practice of sympathetic joy begins with recognizing that there IS enough for all of us. It's as though we're an empty vessel that can fill up with unconditional love and contentment, and as we do so, it begins to spill out of us. The practice becomes such a part of us, that a natural reaction to someone else's good fortune is for us to feel part of that joy. We recognize and share moments of joy for ourselves and others, in doing so it connects us more deeply.

This week is our annual tennis tournament, where we host some 700 players from around the country for a senior championship over nine days. It had been announced that I had opened a new yoga studio and that players and their families were invited to participate in classes. Many people have been offering congratulations and one in particular, an avid tennis player and sponsor of the tournament came up to me and said, "Congratulations! I heard about your new studio. That's a big deal and it's very exciting!" We continued to chat further about what was on offer and where we were located. He was truly excited for me and prior to that particular conversation, we had more or less just said hello in passing. So imagine how I felt after this encounter? He was sharing sympathetic joy with me. He recognized through having his own business the challenges, risks and rewards of doing so and he opened his heart to me in the process. 

I walked away from our chat feeling more connected to him than ever before...another example of sympathetic joy in action. I was grateful that it was so top of mind that I could recognize the sweetness of the moment.

So my thought of the week is to raise your awareness to when you're unable to share in the joy of others, when the green dragon of envy raises its head and ask yourself, "what's stopping me from being part of the celebration?". And if your reaction is one of feeling as though something in your life is lacking, bring in the practices of compassion and loving-kindness to yourself. This is the Brahma-viharas in full action-uncovering what causes us to suffer (wisdom and mindfulness) and taking action to acknowledge and shift.

I'm excited to share what's next along this path, so stay tuned. In the meantime, notice how it feels in your physical body to experience joy. Recognize that there's enough for everyone and let it spill out of you, no holding back!

Compassion

This week we continue our exploration of the Brahma-viharas, the heart-centered practices of meditation stemming from the Buddhist tradition. Last week we explored Metta meditation, that of loving-kindness.  The practice is the repetition of phrases such as:

May you be safe

May you be happy

May you be healthy

May you live with ease and find peace

As stated last week the phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. We began the practice with statements focused on " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin by offering these statements to ourselves and over time we begin to offer them to others. This week we begin to move further away from ourselves as we explore the second of the Brahma-viharas, Karuna, translated as compassion. 

Compassion is where loving-kindness meets suffering, whether it's within ourselves or others. The Brahma-viharas are one wing of a bird with the other wing being mindfulness and insight. When we see the suffering in others (wisdom and awareness) and couple that with loving-kindness, we begin to take the idea of compassion and place it into action. Compassion means "to suffer with" and goes beyond mere empathy. When we empathize and then go further to offer phrases of loving-kindness, compassion comes to life. It's more than an intellectual idea and can become a way of traveling through our daily lives. 

All of these practices take time and consistent repetition. Introducing these practices through classes and writings is simply that...an opening of a small door into a much larger way of being in the world. Recently His Holiness the Dalai Lama was asked about his daily (and lengthy 4-6 hours) meditation practice. He said that he no longer has the emotion of anger. It appears momentarily and then dissipates. It's incredible to think that this is possible, given the seemingly endless violence and unrest in the world, particularly for His Holiness as he has so many issues that he could be angry about! Yet, his daily commitment and steadfastness have altered his relationship and attachment to such powerful emotions. He's an extreme example as his practice has lasted for virtually his entire life(times). These practices are so completely embodied that his natural go-to state is that of compassion. It oozes out of him. And the one thing we all have in common with the Dalai Lama is that he's as human as the rest of us.

So what does this mean for us everyday house-holders?

My thought for the week is to recognize that all of us suffer in our lives, yet a way exists to meet it. When we become aware of our own or other people's' challenges, we have a way to "hold the space" for what is arising rather than to turn and run away from it. It doesn't necessarily mean we try to "fix it" but rather to find a way to hold recognition that it exists and soften to what's happening by taking a breath. We connect our deep-hearted human quality to the moment and offer what we wish for ourselves and all beings. We step into the gap and experience what it means to be deeply human.

Today, wish for yourself and someone else that you know who may be suffering, to be safe, happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease. Our compassionate hearts are greatly needed.

Loving-Kindness

The big question I asked myself at the beginning of this week was what theme seemed like a natural progression from the previous two weeks of intentions and being present? What evolved was talking about the Brahma-viharas, four qualities that are cultivated in and out of meditation practice. These "heart practices" are said to be one wing of a bird with the other wing being practices of mindfulness and insight. When they are both ignited, we take off and fly!

So what better way to deepen our intentions and focus on this moment then to unveil the practice of loving-kindness, also known as "metta" meditation. Metta means "friend" in Pali, the language of the Buddha, and is a practice that uses the repetition of phrases. The ones that I were taught are:

May I be safe

May I be happy

May I be healthy

May I live with ease and find peace

The phrases are simple and succinct and are repeated as we sit in the practice of meditation and stillness. As you may notice, these statements are " May I" as that is the starting point for this practice. We begin with ourselves and over time we eventually begin to offer the statements to others. We begin with I, then move outward, like an embracing circle to: a benefactor, friend, neutral person, challenging person and then, out to the furthest point away from ourselves, to people me may be in complete disagreement or disgust with. In other words, we don't start by trying to offer loving- kindness to the most challenging or difficult people in the world, but begin to truly entrench loving-kindness within our own hearts so it becomes a natural part of who we are.

Having worked in women's health for the past several years, I noticed how so many women (and men, too) begin away from themselves. They spend their energy looking after others - family, homes, spouses, jobs, their community or local events. And often they realize that they themselves are empty, burned-out or resentful. 

The practice of loving-kindness reminds us to begin within our own hearts. For what we wish for ourselves, we wish for all beings everywhere. This process takes time to establish. We cultivate and dig these phrases into our own psyche so that they become the reflection of our deepest intentions, particularly when we are connected to the present moment. We begin to realize that when our own hearts are tended, we are able to reach out with love and compassion to others, rather than with resentment and agitation.

The next three Brahma-viharas are compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Practicing loving- kindness, compassion and sympathetic leads us to states of equanimity, those in which we aren't pummelled by the swinging pendulum of life.

I will be introducing the other feathers in this wing of heart-centered practices over the next three weeks. But for now, begin with the simplest of phrases that you offer to yourself with sincerity. The phrase that resonates most profoundly with me is "May I find peace and live with ease." This encapsulates a fundamental life intention, both personally and in my outward public life. If I wish for peace in the world, if I truly want to have my grandchildren find ease and harmony in their lives and I wish for us to globally live together with respect and honor, I must practice that for myself. How can I expect things to be different outside of me if I am unwilling to open the door of self-love within my own self?

May all beings everywhere be happy, healthy, find peace and live with ease...and that includes me.